The Chaos Factor

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear All,

Do these things happen to anyone else?

Every time I make plans to do something outside the house, gremlins appear to thwart me...!!

On Tuesday I had to cancel my fundraising because Mum was ill. Today, the washing machine had a fit and flooded the kitchen [makes a change from my father doing so!]. Having cleared that up, I got in the car and the exhaust pipe broke off. So I've now had to cancel my stall at the markets.

For God's sake..........! I'm doomed.

Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Katy,

Mum is fine now - I just seem to be having an electrical and mechanical failure day here.....

The central heating switch has just done a number on me now! I must be radioactive or something....!! I was planning on mowing the lawn - but this might actually be a seriously bad idea.

Jude
 

Katy44

Registered User
Sep 14, 2004
134
Go back to bed, and when you get up tomorrow your own personal Friday the 13th (week!) will be over!
 

Kriss

Registered User
May 20, 2004
513
Shropshire
"Its your nylon knickers"!!!

at least thats what the computer support guys blame.

Better week next week?

Kriss
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
No, it's not the nylon knicker syndrome.... I just seem to have the kiss of death upon me today for every mechancial device I touch. It could be the windy conditions - as I seem to be sparking things...... and getting zapped!

By the way - pure soap flakes counteract nylon and computer gear if you sprinkle them on the carpet. Do NOT try this on the lawn when mowing - it's much too expensive and it kills the grass!

It's definitely the wind - I just zapped the cat!

Jude
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
Ever thought of attaching your self to the electric mains box! you could have free electric for a year only joking PLEASE do not try you would probably blow out half the city. storm
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Storm,

Funny you should mention that.......

This doesn't usually happen to me in England, but it does happen a lot in Bali and Darwin, especially on windy days and when I'm close to the ocean. I can't go near anything metal and especially not cars, since I get electrocuted big time - I have to shut the doors by pushing the windows instead of the handles. Display cabinets in supermarkets are a nightmare, especially the glass ones with metal surrounds because they are deadly.

Talk about being wired..!

Jude
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
Dear Jude, SPOOKEEEE I SERIOUSLY advise you to invest in a strong pair of wellies these would also help when Dad/ washer/ cat etc flood the kitchen, and if your feet have shurnk to size 3 you can get them cheap in the kiddies dept,they will earth you and you will be safe and not frazzeld mmmmmmmm that reminds me of a bacon sarnie. storm
 

barraf

Registered User
Mar 27, 2004
308
Huddersfield
Dear Jude and all who replied.

I don't know how you do it, I mean see the humour in these minor catastrophies, but I am glad that you do, the posts cheer me up no end. Keep up the good work.

By the way what is the nylon knicker syndrome?

Cheers Barraf
 

Kriss

Registered User
May 20, 2004
513
Shropshire
Barraf - don't get too excited...

Nylon Knickers = static
static = broken computers!

yes Jude -

I know what you mean - I have to reverse up to filing cabinets and the like as its less painfull taking a hit on the a*** than my fingers! And as for the signs at petrol stations to "not use mobile phones in case of static sparks" - If I'm wearing trainers then I can guarantee a visible flash when I touch the car door handle on my return(and some very unladylike language).

Kriss
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Barraf,

You may be very sorry that you asked........!

Put on a pair of 100% nylon black lace knickers - a pair of sheer nylon tights, nylon sweater and skirt. [No shoes] Wash your hair and brush it rapidly for several minutes with a fine toothed nylon comb. Tear up and down your hallway for 20 minutes on your nylon mix carpet - without touching the walls.

Using your elbows, open your study door and sit down on a nylon cushion that you have previously placed on your computer chair. Wriggle around a bit and rub your feet on the carpet again for good measure.

Now boot up your computer! Hope that answers your question!


Jude

PS: Once you've peeled yourself off the ceiling, liberally sprinkle yourself and the carpet with pure soap flakes to stop the static. On no account touch the cat beforehand!
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Storm,

I am now sitting at the computer clad in black lace undies and matching wellies [size 3].

Unfortunately the Page 3 photographer was last seen fleeing down the driveway and screaming his head off... I thought he'd pay heaps not to put my photo in the paper.

Blast it! Another of my fundraising ideas has just bitten the dust!

Jude
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear All,

Life today has just been one big THWART really....!

Having blown up every electrical device inside the house and almost every mechanical gadget outside..... I'm just amazed that the computer is still actually working.

Kriss, I may have a way with words, [thank you] but the photographer was definitely of the opinion that I wanted my way with him. Really! I only had eyes for his digital camera. I was thinking in terms of a couple of instant 'Ollie' photos, but he definitely misunderstood me.

To placate him, I offered one of Storm's bacon sarnies - liberally laced with Brenda's blackcurrant jam. Didn't do much for him. Some people are just so hard to please.....

Jude
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
West Sussex
Thanks to all of you for a really good chuckle, sorry you had such a day Jude, but you must be rivalling Tommy Cooper with this lot. Now "wired for sound" keeps going round my head. Hope tomorrow is better, just keep off the wet grass first thing! Love, She. XX
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
HEY JUDE, NEWS FLASH sun photographer in shock after his digital camera blew its digits. He described a woman in nylon nickers and wellies brandishing a sarnie of unknown contents with sparks surrounding her shouting about a cat. All he would say was that it was electrifying. Is there anyone out there that knows this woman it couldnt be you could it. I didnt have any ham so i tried jam and chedder, give it a whirl its brill.P.S I think you should offer your services to a ELECTROSTATICS INSTITUTE.BYE BYE there coming to take me away ha ha ee storm