The best laid plans.....

[Yorkshire Girl]

Arrgghh!
As I've written before mum has mild dementia and lives 200 miles away. To help keep her happy in her own home we have started a routine of us going to her once a month, then she comes to us (she can travel by train ok) once in between so that the most she goes without seeing us is 10 days.

This weekend she was supposed to be coming to us, except she had a stinking cold. No problem - we said we'd go to her, except at 0630 this morning the car wouldn't start So now the car is in the local garage awaiting a new starter motor which may or may not happen today. Meanwhile my mum is 200 miles away almost in tears because she was expecting us by lunchtime and I've just had to tell her we probably can't get down there this weekend.

We can't go down next weekend and the following weekend my brother is due to visit mum (he is mum's step son and so although she gets on really well with him, in her eyes it's not as good as a visit from me) so we have to either hope we get the car back today and dash down and back tomorrow or we have to not see her for 3 weeks. Either way she is miserable and confused and I'm left feeling guilty about something I can't control.

Any thoughts? (And yes we will be looking at getting a new car soon )

 

[Sue J]

Is train an option for you?

 

[Katrine]

A 400 mile round trip is perhaps best postponed with more snow and gales predicted. You don't need to catch your mum's stinking cold. I know you are focused on her vulnerability and feelings of disappointment but spare a thought for your own needs.

Let go of hoping to make a mad dash over there if the car gets fixed. You will feel less stressed if you make that decision. Go and buy your mum a lovely card and get it in the post. Send her a big bunch of flowers that she can enjoy all through the next week.

 

[opaline]

If you are really desperate to get there you could hire a car? Or ask the garage about a courtesy car? x

 

[RSA]

A 400 mile round trip is perhaps best postponed with more snow and gales predicted. You don't need to catch your mum's stinking cold. I know you are focused on her vulnerability and feelings of disappointment but spare a thought for your own needs.

Let go of hoping to make a mad dash over there if the car gets fixed. You will feel less stressed if you make that decision. Go and buy your mum a lovely card and get it in the post. Send her a big bunch of flowers that she can enjoy all through the next week.

Hi I feel what Katirine has said is so right If your mum has got mild dementia she must have capacity and you rushing down in this weather will probably worry her just as much if not more than the disappointment of not seeing you. Also buying a card and some flowers would be a nice idea and it will let her know even though due to unforeseen problems you still love her and thinking of her, and that you'll see her soon, she will have something to keep and look at.