That day....

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
That day when you go and see your dad and he looks at you when you say hello, then turns to the person next to him and says 'who's that?' Today has been that day :(
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
Heartbreaking. But he may know who you are tomorrow. It's a game for me now ,every evening " tonight Matthew I'm going to be ......" Can't help but wonder how distressing it is for my OH to have a stranger with him each evening. Very sad .
 

meahpa

Registered User
Oct 21, 2015
4
Chorley
I can't imagine how sad you must feel today. I know that that day will come for me too and am dreading it. My thoughts are with you x
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
Thank you, yes, it's heartbreaking indeed. Even when he's been really poorly with infections and sepsis he has known who I am but today I just got a blank look, no recognition whatsoever. As you say, another day might be different and I just have to try and look on the positive side. What a cruel disease this is :(
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
London
That day when you go and see your dad and he looks at you when you say hello, then turns to the person next to him and says 'who's that?' Today has been that day :(
So sorry to read this Kitten it's hard when this happens my OH doesn't know who I am and it does break your heart sending you a big hug xx
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
So sorry to read this Kitten it's hard when this happens my OH doesn't know who I am and it does break your heart sending you a big hug xx
Thank you :). My dad lives in a high dependency dementia unit and hardly any of the other residents get visitors and maybe that's why, it's hard to suddenly become someone unknown after years of being important in your loved ones life xx
 

HUG

Registered User
Nov 28, 2015
17
It is difficult. My mum had days when she would tell me she had a daughter that loves her and does a lot for her. She said "she would be here soon you will meet her".I looked on the bright side at least she wasn't complaining about me!


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
North East England
I'm so sorry, Kitten71. It's very hard to accept.

My mam doesn't know me now, but (having been through a terrible period of aggression towards me) she now accepts me, which is better. Sometimes she looks at me and I can tell she's trying to work out who I am. And sometimes she calls me 'pet' - moments that I treasure.

A couple of weeks ago, I think she actually said my name. I'm not sure, because she wasn't making much sense, but I've grabbed that moment, too.

Like the others, sending you hugs, and I hope your dad does know you today xx
 

Stresshead

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
96
I'm so sorry Kitten. This disease is just so heartbreaking. Sending you a big hug xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Suzanna1969

Registered User
Mar 28, 2015
346
Essex
I don't think anything can prepare you for when It happens.

When Mum first asked me who I was I honestly thought that that was it, she wouldn't know who I was from that moment on. Obviously it didn't happen like that, sometimes she doesn't know me, most of the time she does. Sometimes when I leave Dad says that she thinks one, two or three of the following people have visited: Her daughter, her cousin and 'That lady in the black car who cooks for us'. So far to my knowledge she hasn't said anything upsetting about any of my incarnations!

I took Mum for her Memory Clinic appointment a few weeks ago. As we waited in the reception area I was asked to move my car and by the time I came back in Mum had gone in to the consultation room with the Dementia Practitioner, who asked who was with her. Mum didn't know and even when I said to her face 'I'm your daughter' she looked at me confused and said 'Are you?'. And yet 15 minutes later she was telling the Practitioner how she and Dad couldn't do without me and referred to me by name and gestured towards me.

As the practitioner said, when the Dementia is 'fluid' you really don't know where you are. Your Dad will know who you are again, hopefully more often than not at least for the time being. Does he have photos up of the family and of the two of you together? That may or may not help, worth a try anyway.
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
Aww, what lovely, uplifting replies. Thank you everyone :). How great to hear that the recognition comes and goes too. I must admit to thinking that that was that now, he won't ever know me again but perhaps that may not be so. Every time I've seen him before he's greeted me with a cheery 'hello my darling' so it was hugely upsetting when he looked at me without a shred of recognition at all and then asked my stepmother 'who's that?' All I can picture now is his face looking so blank and almost angry. I'm almost dreading seeing him again, which is a terrible thing to say, but I just have to feel strong enough to potentially put myself through that moment again. He did have a photograph of me next to his bed in the care home but we took it away as the other residents just wander around and take dad's stuff. Even simple things aren't straightforward in the world of dementia :(
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,282
South coast
It was over a year ago that mum first didnt know who I was, but for a long time the recognition came and went. I found that if I said when I arrived "Hello mum, its me my name" it helped her to remember.
These days she isnt sure of my name at all and she is not certain of out relationship (Ive been mother, sister and friend as well as daughter), but her eyes still light up when she sees me, so I know that she still knows me.

Aww, what lovely, uplifting replies. Thank you everyone :). How great to hear that the recognition comes and goes too. I must admit to thinking that that was that now, he won't ever know me again but perhaps that may not be so. Every time I've seen him before he's greeted me with a cheery 'hello my darling' so it was hugely upsetting when he looked at me without a shred of recognition at all and then asked my stepmother 'who's that?' All I can picture now is his face looking so blank and almost angry. I'm almost dreading seeing him again, which is a terrible thing to say, but I just have to feel strong enough to potentially put myself through that moment again. He did have a photograph of me next to his bed in the care home but we took it away as the other residents just wander around and take dad's stuff. Even simple things aren't straightforward in the world of dementia :(
Yes this is a problem in dementia homes. Scan photos and print out a copy so that you dont give her an original that cant be replaced and make sure that her name is written very clearly on the back. If it goes walkabout tell the carers - the carers in mums CH know who the usual suspects are and normally manage to retrieve missing things from hiding places. If it just cant be found - print off another copy.
 

Kitten71

Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
157
East Yorkshire
I can't tell you how pleased I am that recognition does not just go overnight! Nobody tells you these things and I'm so happy that it may not be a permanent situation just yet. I was so upset yesterday. It's an emotional roller coaster!