1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Thanks to you all on Talking Point

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Rodelinda, Nov 27, 2016.

  1. Rodelinda

    Rodelinda Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    172
    Suffolk
    Not just those who've replied to my posts but to all those who have posted their own threads and responded to others. TP was my salvation when I found it. I've found answers to questions and gained a lot of support just by reading about others' problems, concerns, worries and triumphs.

    It's only a week since my mum died and there seems to be a big gap. Although there has been lots to do - and will be more - I'm realising how much time and emotion and energy I invested in caring. The house feels much calmer and quieter. I'm getting to grips with the twin feelings of sadness and relief (and the guilt monster) that my mother is at peace and will not suffer the worst that dementia can bring as so many of you movingly report.

    Her passing was very swift - her body just gave up the fight. The day after she died I had the letter informing me that she had been granted CHC under the fast track discharge procedure - it was applied for only on the Friday and the decision was made the Monday after the weekend - the day she died. It's clear she had a major downturn.

    The death certificate from the hostpital was delayed (as the coroner had to be informed of my mother's death) so we haven't yet registered the death nor started formally organising the funeral though having spent some time today have a clear idea what we want. We will do probate ourselves like we did for my father though it will be rather difficult I fear.

    But it is all very odd - for the last nearly 7 years since my father was taken ill everything I've done has revolved around first my parents' needs and then my mother's. That included giving up my full time job and countless other things. That can now start to change and I know it's going to be very different. This all coincides with my OH retiring from her much loved job running a charity. She has a degenerative illness so we don't know what the future will bring or when and we will have to try to seize the moment and make the best of things but it's not in our character to do things for 'us'. We will have to try

    I've been amazed and humbled by what so many of you do for your loved ones suffering from dementia and am not sure I could have shown your fortitude or doggedness. We were at the foothills and I can only say that you are an amazing community of people who I feel privileged to have listened to. I'll continue to look at TP but with a different eye. All the best to all of you - and thanks. And if anyone is heading to Suffolk, do send me a PM and you'd be welcome for a cup of tea - or something stronger. Sue
     
  2. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Oh, Rodelinda,

    I haven't spoken to you before. Just sending my deepest sympathies. You've been through a long haul with both parents.

    I'm so sorry to read your OH has an illness too.

    You sound wonderful. TP gives me great support too.

    So sorry for your loss and wishing you and your OH well.
    X
     
  3. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Rodelinda, I fear I didn't see your post about your mother until just now. Please accept my condolences, belated as they are.
     
  4. Digilux108

    Digilux108 Registered User

    Nov 7, 2016
    45
    Essex
    My heartfelt condolences. My mother died in August. She was in hospital from 14 July to 24 July, came home and then on the 30th I had to call the ambulance and so the process was repeated. This time she had given up and was to weak to fight on. I received the dreaded call before 5 am on the 3rd August. I got to Southend hospital in time to be with her during her last moments.

    I feel like I have gone from one extreme to another. First, the stressful, exhausting and lonely moments as her carer. Now I feel an emptiness which is hard to fill. I too gave up my job to be her carer. I too am battling that twin monster of relief on the one hand, and sadness that she has gone on the other.
     
  5. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Oh Sue, so sorry to hear your news. Your story & mine seem very similar. My dad was diagnosed with oesophagal cancer six years ago. A few months after his death mum was diagnosed with alzheimer's. No siblings so my DH & I are dealing with this on our own. Hugs x
     
  6. dottyd

    dottyd Registered User

    Jan 22, 2011
    1,066
    n.e.
    So sorry to hear that. Just 26 days since my own mum passed away.
    Feels like a lifetime
    Starting to feel at peace with it now.

    Hope you soon do too.
     

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