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Thanks For Great Advice


Registered User
Jan 7, 2012
Hi all,

I just wanted to say thanks for some really helpful advise when I was hitting the lows again. I can't say I am over losing mum but I do feel I am beginning to get the upper hand. I know none of this would have helped me in the early months but for anyone else slowing moving through their first year after loss I thought I would let you know which advice worked for me.

1. Talking to doctor. I was really lucky because they had a newly qualified doctor at the surgery and as my doctor was,too busy I saw him. The newbies are not very good at keeping appointments to 10 minutes so I had a full 3 minutes telling him how I felt and asking,whether I needed antidepressants. The answer is no. I can't speak for anyone else but what I began to understand was that the whole grieving process so drawn out that even when you think you must be over it by now and therefore going mad, you're not and it isn't.

2. Make contact with a bereavement group. I don't mean a group where you stand up and declare your pain but a,social group made up of people who have lost some one important and for a while can't seem to communicate with the rest,of the ne world. It was so nice to be talking with people about all sorts without worrying whether I was 'going on too much' or bringing them down.

3. Contact a local Carers group. I found out from mine that they offer free counselling if you want it but most importantly, they will provide support for a year at the minimum or, as I was told, until you feel able to support yourself again.

4. I also found two brilliant books which might help some. overcoming Greif is an easy read and I found quite comforting. Walking on Sunshine by Rachel Kelly is actually written for anyone feeling depressed or anxious. It gives ideas if some of the little things we can do to help lighten our load. It is divided into seasons so it always suggests something which suits the weather.

I hope this helps some one, I only did these things because I posted when. Was really low and the responses where so supportive they gave me strength to get back up again.


Registered User
Jan 7, 2012
Care Work after Caring

Just a quick question. I have seen several of you saying you have or want to moving into care work now. I am the same but seem to be hitting a brick wall so I wondered how you got on.

I have found that care homes won't employ me because I am not experienced enough (a joke right) and it's too soon after mum died in March.

All the domiciliary care assistant jobs seem to be 0 hour contracts which I can't afford to do with only my income. I know it is possible to build up the hours but I also know it takes time.

I have spoken with my work coach at the job centre and she has referred me to their career counsellor but not for a coulee of weeks so I though I would ask if anyone has had better luck and if so how.

I've got to get working again not just for the money but after running around all day with hardly a minute to myself whilst looking after mum I am slowly going mad with nothing to do and I can't find anyone who needs volunteers either. I do need to either only be out a few hours at a time or be earning money so I can ensure Molly the dog (mum's elderly but still very much alive spaniel X) is looked after.


Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
North West
I'm sure there are many people reading TP who will find your first post here helpful MollyMae.

This might be bit of a long-shot, depending on your local authority, but some LAs have 'brokerage services' who will put carers in touch with people who require a carer, who are either self-funding or have funding via a personal budget. That's how we got our current absolutely wonderful main carer. This sort of role (often called a PA now) can have advantages over working for an agency (there are good agencies but very few, it seems, that pay decent rates) or care home (ditto).

Good luck in your search.