After posting a reply to debbie13 on the forum I have read all the lovely replies, they made me cry! I have had a better day today, although I feel very fragile and am still obviously crying at all sorts of things that wouldn't normally bother me. My one concern is that everything seems to have been so rushed. Colin died on the 24 April, just over four weeks ago. There seems to have been no time to myself just to think about things, there was the post-mortem to wait for which took four days, then the arranging of the funeral etc took most of the second week. Then the funeral itself, all this time I had either family or my mum and dad with me. Next came half term and I had my youngest daugher of 11 at home for two weeks, we went out every day and kept busy, but no time to myself. This week I went back to work and we're very busy and I'm really afraid that I haven't had time to take all this in and that it's going to hit me hard a bit further on down the line. Am I right to just try and get back into a normal-ish routine and just have a good cry in the evenings when I do get a couple of hours to myself, I don't know. I'm afraid that I may be trying to pretend that Colin hasn't really died and things are OK. I suppose I need to take it a day at a time and see how I cope. But I will post again soon as it certainly helps to talk about it with other people who have gone through the same awful thing.
Thanks for all the support
- Thread starter Megan
- Start date
Hi Megan
No-one can tell you what to do, you just have to do exactly what feels right.
I's always a busy time after a bereavement, and there are usually lots of people about. It's usually afterwards that it hits you.
You may have a collapse and spend a few days in tears, unable to do anything. Or you may not, your work may provide an outlet, especially if your colleagues are sympathetic.
But either way, it will be right for you. I don't think you're trying to pretend tht colin hasn't died, you're just expressing your grief in your own way.
Come and talk to us whenever you feel like it.
Love and hugs,
Dear Megan, how can you know how to feel, you must still be in a state of shock.
What you seem to be doing is trying to carry on as normal, maybe for the sake of the children, but your life isn't normal any more.
(I was about your age when I was widowed, and I can remember saying to the vicar at the church, that I did not know what I was supposed to feel.........silly isn't it. As though bereavment and widowhood came with an instruction manual.)
Do whatever comes easiest to you, whatever gives you the greatest comfort. No one can know what you are going through as each situation is so different.
All I can say is that you are among friends here. If we can help, even just by listening, you know where to find us.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I realise that it cannot be easy, but somehow the illness involved brings a special kinship. God bless.
What you seem to be doing is trying to carry on as normal, maybe for the sake of the children, but your life isn't normal any more.
(I was about your age when I was widowed, and I can remember saying to the vicar at the church, that I did not know what I was supposed to feel.........silly isn't it. As though bereavment and widowhood came with an instruction manual.)
Do whatever comes easiest to you, whatever gives you the greatest comfort. No one can know what you are going through as each situation is so different.
All I can say is that you are among friends here. If we can help, even just by listening, you know where to find us.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I realise that it cannot be easy, but somehow the illness involved brings a special kinship. God bless.
Dearest Megan
My lovely Jon lost his dad 25 years ago to cancer. It came on suddenly, I was pregnant with my youngest son at the time. My son was born in the July and my lovely father in law passed away the following February.
I was in grief very quickly and so was Jons mum and his sister. However, Jon did not seem to grieve. He just carried on as normal doing routines things, going to work, playing golf etc. etc.
It was only when the decision came to either sell his dads car or indeed for my mother in law to learn to drive that I noticed a difference in Jon. This was a year after his death. Jons mum decided to take driving lessons at the age of 63 rather than let the car go to anyone.
We brought the car back to our house so that it could be serviced. I initially drove it over and Jon followed, however, when I parked on the drive I noticed that Jon didn't get out of the car. When I approached I realised that he had had a complete breakdown and was in tears. Those tears lasted for nearly 6 months.
There really is no time limit on grief so when you are able please talk.
I was once (a while ago now) a befriender for a bereavement service and I can assure you that if and when you wish to talk there are organisations out there who can really help. You won't be judged in any way. Look out for them because they can really make a difference and the people who are volunteers really do empathise with you and your situation.
Love for now
Andrea
My lovely Jon lost his dad 25 years ago to cancer. It came on suddenly, I was pregnant with my youngest son at the time. My son was born in the July and my lovely father in law passed away the following February.
I was in grief very quickly and so was Jons mum and his sister. However, Jon did not seem to grieve. He just carried on as normal doing routines things, going to work, playing golf etc. etc.
It was only when the decision came to either sell his dads car or indeed for my mother in law to learn to drive that I noticed a difference in Jon. This was a year after his death. Jons mum decided to take driving lessons at the age of 63 rather than let the car go to anyone.
We brought the car back to our house so that it could be serviced. I initially drove it over and Jon followed, however, when I parked on the drive I noticed that Jon didn't get out of the car. When I approached I realised that he had had a complete breakdown and was in tears. Those tears lasted for nearly 6 months.
There really is no time limit on grief so when you are able please talk.
I was once (a while ago now) a befriender for a bereavement service and I can assure you that if and when you wish to talk there are organisations out there who can really help. You won't be judged in any way. Look out for them because they can really make a difference and the people who are volunteers really do empathise with you and your situation.
Love for now
Andrea
