Thank you

[Grannie G]

I would like to say a big Thank You to everyone who has posted on the issue of Sundowning.

When this first happened with my husband, and for a long time afterwards, I took his `going home` phases literally. I found them hurtful and insulting and would disolve into tears every time. After all I was his family, and his home was with me, and has been for 44 years.

It has taken a long time, but I`m now beginning to be able to handle it. When he talks about his family in India, going home to his grandparents` farms, how they`ll welcome him, what he used to do there as a boy, I`m no longer upset, for I`m now able to see it for what it is.

So thanks to everyone who has also experienced it, and shared their experiences, I can now respond by agreeing with him, telling him it`s a good idea and allowing him to reminisce about his childhood.

It must be working, because he said he`ll always keep in touch with me, when he does go home.



Writing this has made me wonder how others have been helped by those who`ve shared their experiences. I`d love to know.

 

[Margarita]

So many thing , that at the moment can not pint point them , like today when cutting mum nails , that are geting so long drity , because she does not like them done , and see look at me with so much anger her face turn ,so ugly and says horrible things , when all I am doing it is for her own good , but over the year I have been on hear I have learn , not to feel so hurt , because its because she is scared getting confused that her hands stiff up in a ball and can’t see reason or logic , that it , that’s what I have learn from TP , in doing that learning that , from other I find I am cram , so can cram (sp) her and carry on cutting her nails’

PS May sound silly , but I have to tell her she look ugly, no man will want to hold her hand , so she lets go of the grip curling her fingers into her hand , so I can cut the nail, Other wise she won’t let me do them , reasoning with her has gone , If I had not learn that I would get angery with her , and we both end upset .

 

[Margarita]

I do go on

but ! if I don’t cut her nails , I find over the years caring for her , her nails grown long fast , and as she needs a lot of help , she can grip my arm hands and dig her nails in to me , so I think as she go to day centre they help her, so does carer , so she may hurt them , I wonder if woman with husbands find that, if nails grow long fast and they don’t like them being cut . or any other ales that look after some one With dementia AZ ?

 

[Skye]

I wonder if woman with husbands find that, if nails grow long fast and they don’t like them being cut .

Yes Maggie, John's nails grow incredibly fast. I thought at first it was because he wasn't doing any work, so they weren't getting worn down.

But his hair grows incredibly fast too -- and his beard! I really should shave him twice a day (but I don't). Can anyone account for this?

Love,

 

[Lila13]

My mother had terrible long finger- and toe-nails. Wouldn't let me try. Wouldn't go to chiropody when my brother made appt for her and offered to take her.

She let my aunt her youngest sister do them a bit but by that time they were so bad they needed specialist treatment.

 

[Skye]

Writing this has made me wonder how others have been helped by those who`ve shared their experiences. I`d love to know.

Hi Sylvia

Glad you're coping so well with Dhiren's sundowning. It's all so much better if you can keep calm, but it's not easy, so well done!

The only real problem I've had to deal with since I joined TP is John's incontinence, and the replies to my questions were very helpful.

But there are three other aspects that I find invaluable.

Firstly, the support. We all have bad days, days when we feel we just can't cope another moment. And to come on here and find sympathy and encouragement is something I value so much.

Secondly, the sense of community. Many, like me, are caring in isolation, and to be able to just have a chat and a giggle does wonders for the morale. I know I felt so depressed last month when I felt that had been lost. Yes, I'm stupid sometimes, but we all need that outlet.

Thirdly, the input from the people further along the road than me -- Bruce, Norman, Connie, Padraig in particular.

AD is frightening because no-one can tell us how the illness will progress in our case. But to read how others are coping makes me feel that bit more confident. Still scared, but the future that little bit less uncertain.

That's TP for me. I need it.

Love,

 

[Tender Face]

Writing this has made me wonder how others have been helped by those who`ve shared their experiences. I`d love to know.

Sylvia, my first answer would be ‘where to start?’ …..

The advice I’ve had on very practical issues … the virtual support on some very personal and emotional stuff …. without fail that has come about whenever posting directly ….. It doesn’t give credit to those members - new and old - who post often so painfully themselves …. whose words give inspiration, or offer another insight …. Just reading threads and posts - knowing you’re not ‘the only one’ feeling those feelings - even in vastly different circumstances at times….. banking up words of wisdom in case it will help me and mum in the future ….. having a ‘safe space’ to rant and clear my head before I approach the people need to be ranted at!!!!! Coming to a place feeling able to try to give something back …. appreciating and feeling uplifted by how many ‘good people’ there are about prepared to share themselves so selflessly ……. and yes - sometimes to simply have a laugh and lighten the load ….

For me the benefits I have gained from TP do not extend simply to the time I am online …… I carry a lot of what I gain around with me ….. I recall in particular a time I was in a consulting room and you wouldn’t believe how many members were ‘virtually’ squeezed in there with me, supporting and coaching me just to ask the right questions!!!!!

Love, Karen, x

 

[Lonestray]

The future and Sundowing

I'd never heard of Sundowing till I came on the internet. My wife Jean was always trying to make her way home to Co. Durham, my response was always the same "Lets go". It was nice to learn about what she was like before I knew her. I still tell her how much I'd loved to have known her as a child. The other night when it was cold I asked, would she like me to put the Bleezer to the fire. (it's a metal sheild they used up North to draw the fire) She became all emotional at me trying to enter her world. We don't have a fire!

With regards to the future I can dream, but it's non-existant I'm always in the present steering our life's boat along the sea of time. If I steer well I'll take Jean as far as I can and enjoy the ride while it lasts. There's no to-morrow, people were saying to-morrow 200 years ago, and it'll be said hundreds of years from now, it never comes.

Explaining this to my grandson he said, so it's OK to borrow lots of money and not worry about paying it back? That's like taking on lot of ballast which'ill either sinks your boat, or make steering almost impossable.

Steering through time with Jean unable to help, makes it difficult but not impossible. This philosophy works for me as I sleep well at night, worrying about what might happen only wears you out. Enjoy where you're at in the sea of time.

I'd like to think this might help someone. Padraig

 

[Margarita]

you should share more xx thanks Lonestray you do have good philosophy