Hello everyone
My last few posts would show that the last year has been a real roller coaster. Everytime I post someone has had a really helpful reply and always lots of support.
There has been lots of typing through tears recently. I have found posts from others that have helped to reassess what I have gone through. The toilet issues I could cope with but the violence I felt was my fault and kept very quiet about. Now I know I was not alone and I could not have done any more.
I am at or near the end now of a marriage of 30 years where my husband older than me by 23 years has confounded the medics as to why he is still alive with heart problems. His left ventrical has not functioned since June 1986. Major surgery and a fortnight in intensive care 1991. I did not feel I got the same man back afterwads and I think he has had progressing vascular dementia since then. Many years of a violent marriage which as many women in such marriages I thought I must be partly responsible for. Actually I think now it was the dementia. Then in 2006 he was diagnosed with Lewy body. His behaviour was amazing. Violent at anyone and irratic, and in many ways the psychosis was entertaining but not if you lived with it! He was sectioned and he challenged that. The tribunal supported his solicitor that the problems were a 'domestic problem'. He was released but the consultant psychiatrist managed to get him to agree to stay in hospital.
Earlier this year he started with 2year old style tantrums. The CPN, who has been great, said the stage usually did not last long and now I am watching him die.
I feel guilty that I want the end to come. But it is how I feel. The GP did not want me to have him home after sectioning but solid as a rock he has said he will treat him at home if that is what I want. Is it what I want? I just want peace for me. I feel bad if I don't visit (90 miles round trip) But home will shorten his life. There is no right answer, it is this .......... dreadful disease.
I can see what it is doing to my children. My son 20 can't remember his father normal and they both recall seeing the violence. They are struggling with my distress now.
Sorry this has turned out as a sad thread when I actually wanted to say thank you to all the people who make the effort and give the time to support others on this lovely forum. It is only those who have been there that know. THANK YOU ALL
Magenta
My last few posts would show that the last year has been a real roller coaster. Everytime I post someone has had a really helpful reply and always lots of support.
There has been lots of typing through tears recently. I have found posts from others that have helped to reassess what I have gone through. The toilet issues I could cope with but the violence I felt was my fault and kept very quiet about. Now I know I was not alone and I could not have done any more.
I am at or near the end now of a marriage of 30 years where my husband older than me by 23 years has confounded the medics as to why he is still alive with heart problems. His left ventrical has not functioned since June 1986. Major surgery and a fortnight in intensive care 1991. I did not feel I got the same man back afterwads and I think he has had progressing vascular dementia since then. Many years of a violent marriage which as many women in such marriages I thought I must be partly responsible for. Actually I think now it was the dementia. Then in 2006 he was diagnosed with Lewy body. His behaviour was amazing. Violent at anyone and irratic, and in many ways the psychosis was entertaining but not if you lived with it! He was sectioned and he challenged that. The tribunal supported his solicitor that the problems were a 'domestic problem'. He was released but the consultant psychiatrist managed to get him to agree to stay in hospital.
Earlier this year he started with 2year old style tantrums. The CPN, who has been great, said the stage usually did not last long and now I am watching him die.
I feel guilty that I want the end to come. But it is how I feel. The GP did not want me to have him home after sectioning but solid as a rock he has said he will treat him at home if that is what I want. Is it what I want? I just want peace for me. I feel bad if I don't visit (90 miles round trip) But home will shorten his life. There is no right answer, it is this .......... dreadful disease.
I can see what it is doing to my children. My son 20 can't remember his father normal and they both recall seeing the violence. They are struggling with my distress now.
Sorry this has turned out as a sad thread when I actually wanted to say thank you to all the people who make the effort and give the time to support others on this lovely forum. It is only those who have been there that know. THANK YOU ALL
Magenta
