Dear All
I lived with and helped mum deal with developing Vascular Dementia for six years before she died earlier this year of heart failure. I stumbled into the caring role, found my way to this forum, attended a care group locally but not with mum, who rarely accepted there was anything wrong with her. I obtained invaluable advice eg getting mum through two cataract operations, how to deal with mum asking me who I was, confusing me for my father, her father, even a few times her mother. After her death I received a lot of kind and thoughtful comments on this forum. It is a strange world on this forum. Members talk openly about deeply personal concerns, good advice is given and accepted, but we never meet. We trust other members more than people we actually meet, recognising fellow travellers on the Dementia road. So I want to say a heart felt thanks but also for now goodbye.
I recently worked for a month in a care home but I have just left that employment. Combination of reasons. Some of the Carers were lovely people some were not so great. To much measurement for CQC tick boxes on checking visits, at the cost of real hands on care. For example recording how much fluid is given to each resident and when. I get the importance of doing so but not in a tick box mentality way. Yes resident X was given fluids of this amount, type, time of day, etc. Yes but did they drink it. Oh I see that is not recorded. The mission statement is we are here to help our residents but it must be done at speed on 12 hour long night shifts. Basically it has helped to release me from my emotional upset to a degree.
My grandad use to apparently say”noughts wasted”. Well a month of care home work has taught me a lot, some positive some not so positive. Decisively it has taught me to truly heal and move forward after mum’s death I need to let go of Dementia. It is no longer my fight. I will engage in future voluntary work but in another field. What would have been mum’s 90th birthday was last week and hit me very hard. I need to refind memories of pre Dementia mum, get some fun and laughter back into my life, let go of six years of great personal sadness and loss. Maybe one day I will be able to re engage with Dementia and help others but not right now. It might sound very selfish but I now need a period of time putting myself first, build new friendships, engage with old passions and interests, etc. I am just emotionally spent as my recent posts show when reading them again.
I wish everyone either living with Dementia or those struggling to help loved ones do so my best wishes for the future. Those like me who are trying to get over the loss of the loved one I genuinely wish you peace and future happiness where ever you can find it. I am not going to visit this forum for some time and seek to heal. I wish to re engage with life and try to rebuild what I was before Dementia visited me and mum.
I lived with and helped mum deal with developing Vascular Dementia for six years before she died earlier this year of heart failure. I stumbled into the caring role, found my way to this forum, attended a care group locally but not with mum, who rarely accepted there was anything wrong with her. I obtained invaluable advice eg getting mum through two cataract operations, how to deal with mum asking me who I was, confusing me for my father, her father, even a few times her mother. After her death I received a lot of kind and thoughtful comments on this forum. It is a strange world on this forum. Members talk openly about deeply personal concerns, good advice is given and accepted, but we never meet. We trust other members more than people we actually meet, recognising fellow travellers on the Dementia road. So I want to say a heart felt thanks but also for now goodbye.
I recently worked for a month in a care home but I have just left that employment. Combination of reasons. Some of the Carers were lovely people some were not so great. To much measurement for CQC tick boxes on checking visits, at the cost of real hands on care. For example recording how much fluid is given to each resident and when. I get the importance of doing so but not in a tick box mentality way. Yes resident X was given fluids of this amount, type, time of day, etc. Yes but did they drink it. Oh I see that is not recorded. The mission statement is we are here to help our residents but it must be done at speed on 12 hour long night shifts. Basically it has helped to release me from my emotional upset to a degree.
My grandad use to apparently say”noughts wasted”. Well a month of care home work has taught me a lot, some positive some not so positive. Decisively it has taught me to truly heal and move forward after mum’s death I need to let go of Dementia. It is no longer my fight. I will engage in future voluntary work but in another field. What would have been mum’s 90th birthday was last week and hit me very hard. I need to refind memories of pre Dementia mum, get some fun and laughter back into my life, let go of six years of great personal sadness and loss. Maybe one day I will be able to re engage with Dementia and help others but not right now. It might sound very selfish but I now need a period of time putting myself first, build new friendships, engage with old passions and interests, etc. I am just emotionally spent as my recent posts show when reading them again.
I wish everyone either living with Dementia or those struggling to help loved ones do so my best wishes for the future. Those like me who are trying to get over the loss of the loved one I genuinely wish you peace and future happiness where ever you can find it. I am not going to visit this forum for some time and seek to heal. I wish to re engage with life and try to rebuild what I was before Dementia visited me and mum.
