Thank you and goodbye

[Wildlife]

I can't remember where I was up to in the story of my Mum (which I posted under All at Sea), but now her story is over. After a sharp decline in the middle of January, Mum (living with us, aged 92 with AD) wouldn't get up, refused to eat or drink apart from tiny amounts and eventually had 2 falls in one night and got taken to A&E. From there on to a demetia/stroke ward (where the staff all had the patience of saints), she rallied slightly and we were thinking along the lines of residential care when she contracted a chest infection. They initially began treating her, but I knew that wasn't what she had wanted (and had spoken only the day before to a consultant about it) and so they agreed to stop the antibiotics. OH & I stayed with her for 4 days & nights (with short breaks when other family members took over). By Tuesday evening she was more or less unconscious so we came home for some sleep. Got the phone call at 2.15 am, rushed back in time to be with her at the end.
It's only now she's gone and I'm arranging her funeral that my good memories of pre-dementia Mum are starting to come back. It's going to take some time to adjust to life without her to care for.
So I'm leaving TP. I haven't posted much but I've read a lot and it's been a lifeline. Although every journey with dementia is different, there are many points of similarity and whenever something changed with Mum there was usually someone on here who had had a similar experience or could offer advice. Thank you all so much, I wish all you strength in your continuing journeys, but I sincerely hope that I don't have cause to return here in the future either for another relative or for myself.
Love
Wildlife
xxxxxx

 

[fizzie]

Hello Wildlife
Thank you for sharing the sadness of the last few weeks. I am so glad that your Mum is now at peace and that you were all able to be with her xx You must be exhausted but you are so right all those hard years for both you and her fall away and the good memories do return. Take care xxxx

 

[meme]

I'm also glad your Mum is now at peace. Your memories of her will be of you as a little girl and onwards...many and varied..the last struggle will fade and just be a small part of you and your dear Mums life.

 

[BeckyJan]

I am sorry to read this but glad your Mum is now at peace.

Its good that you have found TP supportive. Please feel you can come back to TP when you wish, and, hopefully you could also give support to other members who are experiencing similar problems to the ones you have faced.

 

[cragmaid]

So sorry for your loss but happy for Mum's release. Twelve months ago I was in your shoes so I feel I can say take it easy. The stress of having been a carer takes a long time to pass. The sad memories and the happy ones get jumbled up at times, but be proud of yourself, you did a great job.x.x.

 

[Wildlife]

Thank you everyone who has responded. I will keep checking in from time to time to see if I can help anyone else. So au revoir not goodbye xxxxxx

 

[craftyviola]

Dear Wildlife, I am so sorry for your loss and you must be feeling exhausted as well as everything else. My own mother (also aged 92 and with Vascular Dementia) is in the final stages and is literally wasting away. It is heartbreaking to see what is happening to her. I hope that, like your Mum, she slips away peacefully. I hope that the coming months won't be too painful for either of us.

 

[craftyviola]

Dear Wildlife, I am so sorry for your loss and you must be feeling exhausted as well as everything else. My own mother (also aged 92 and with Vascular Dementia) is in the final stages and is literally wasting away. It is heartbreaking to see what is happening to her. I hope that, like your Mum, she slips away peacefully. I hope that the coming months won't be too painful for either of us.

 

[sue38]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum, but glad TP has been here to support you and by extension your mum.

It's only now she's gone and I'm arranging her funeral that my good memories of pre-dementia Mum are starting to come back.

I was surprised after my dad died how quickly I started to remember him as he was pre-dementia, and how his dementia, once all consuming, came into perspective as only a short part of a long life.

As others have said we're all still here should you need us.

 

[Aisling]

Thank you everyone who has responded. I will keep checking in from time to time to see if I can help anyone else. So au revoir not goodbye xxxxxx

Just saw you post now. Sending you my sympathy and support. Try to be gentle with yourself.


Aisling

 

[Izzy]

I'm sorry for your loss. Sending my condolences.

 

[Kevinl]

Bye Wildlife
I understand what you're doing, as part of the closure process leaving here may be the best thing to do. In the nicest way possible TP will always be a reminder of the toughest time of your life, keep remembering the good times.
K

 

[Tiller Girl]

Well she's at peace and those happy times will soon come back.

Hope you can find some peace and enjoyment now your carer's role is over.