Thank you - and au revoir

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Scarlett123, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I haven't been on TP for a while. I'm still recovering from my op, though I'm well on the mend, and then I had the trauma of having my wedding anniversary without John beside me.

    Some of you may recall, I ordered an entry for the Book of Remembrance, and 3 replica cards, one each for me and the children. That cost nearly £500. I was told I was too late for the entry in the Book this year, as the calligrapher needed more notice, but the replica cards wouldn't take too long.

    They arrived last week bearing umpteen spelling and grammatical errors and .......... the wrong date! Instead of being 17th March, our anniversary, they bore the date at the top 23rd December, the date of John's death. Not only had I typed everything out, I'd also prepared it on graph paper, because you are limited to the number of characters per line.

    A friend was taking me to lunch and she kindly took me to the Crematorium, where several members of staff stared at the cards, willing the date to alter. I asked why they hadn't been checked and, I'm afraid, when I was told they had been, I asked if the checker was visually impaired!

    The sad thing is that if I hadn't have had replica cards, I'd have bowled along next year on my anniversary and the entry wouldn't have been there, as it would have been entered 3 months earlier. I've said I will not accept a Tippex job, and am assured they will be redone.

    Everything on the day of the funeral went smoothly. The funeral directors, the flowers, the music, my Eulogy, the service and the refreshments after, but every other thing, including Death Certificates, Pensions, Policies and these cards and entry, have been wrong.

    The Care Home Manager is visiting me this evening, as I have decided to donate a garden bench, or something else, in John's name, for the use and enjoyment of all the residents, and she's going to give me some ideas.

    The Citizens Advice Bureau have contacted me twice "to see how you are" ;) and I am visiting them in 3 weeks for an interview, after which I shall be "working" for a few hours a day, twice a week and, I hope, helping others with form filling and finding their way through the labyrinth that is referred to as "help" for carers.

    My daughter is coping as best she can, and they have collected me and taken me to theirs for dinner every couple of weeks. Dan and the children are visiting in late July, when we shall have the Committal, and I have arranged long weekends, visiting friends, in June and September, in Devon and Yorkshire.

    I have put all the papers relative to John's Day Care and Care Home in a bulging folder, my numerous letters and responses from Social Services (I too started reading these and got mad, so I stopped) and I'll keep them for another year, in case anything is needed.

    Things I'd been storing, just in case, like results of John's operations of years ago, have been incinerated, and I've even started on my 60 plus photo albums, throwing away views without someone in them, from places I've forgotten, and similar poses, and have completed 1966 to 1977. :)

    The majority of John's clothes, books, DVDs, CDs and other things have gone to charity shops, and "John's Bedroom" has been completely redecorated, so I feel I've made good progress in the 100 days since he died.

    So now seems an apt time for me to bow out, and to thank you all for the unstinting help, advice, love and support you gave me, during John's illness, and the awful dark days surrounding his death, and his funeral - along with the other January Lads. Four funerals in a fortnight. :(

    May I wish old friends all the very best for the future, and may I assure new posters that you couldn't find a better place to get help, advice and support.

    With thanks, and love

    Scarlett :)
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    I am so sorry about all the errors and mistakes but good to hear that John's funeral arrangements went well. Its hard enough without having to handle other worries.

    Whilst I understand your 'au revoir' I do hope you can pop in and 'meet up' with friends on TP whenever you feel up to it. It is always good to hear how members are getting along.

    Also take good care of yourself now.
    Best wishes
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Oh Scarlett, you have done so well, I consider you courageous and loving beyond measure.

    I understand your need to 'move on' and wish you all the luck in the world. No-one deserves it more :)

    As BeckyJan says, it would be good to hear from you occasionally.....but only if it's of help to you.

    With every good wish :)

    Lindy xx
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so sorry about the errors in the book of remembrance entry. That really is unforgivable.

    I'm sorry to hear you're leaving us but do understand that you feel that this is the time for you to move on.

    Like others u hope you will pop in here from time to time. It would be nice to hear how you're doing.

    Take care and every best wish for the future.
  5. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Dear Scarlett thank you for your lovely post, sorry you had some hiccups, nothing runs smoothly these days, thank you for all your help and support during the 3yrs l have been with talking point, we will all miss you, l wish you well for the future. Best Wishes Pamann
  6. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    May I also add my best wishes for the future Scarlett and thank you for all your help and advise you have given to so many of us on here. I for one will miss you lots and hope you will pop in and see us from time to time?! Take care Scarlett , much love to you xxxxxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Oh Scarlett! I feel as though I'm losing a dear friend:( However, putting my selfish feelings aside I DO understand. I wish you nothing but the best as you try to move forward. You sound as though you are going to be very busy-well done for all you are about to do/achieve.

    Take great care of yourself my friend; I will REALLY miss you.


    Lyn T XX
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Thank you for telling us Scarlett. It's so much easier than having people worrying when members just disappear.

    I wish you well for the future.
  9. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    au revoir

    Good luck in the future Scarlett, and a heartfelt thanks for your support and good advice over the past few months, since I joined TP, I am sure that there are many more people who have benefited from your help, you will be sorely missed, our loss is others gain though, wishing you well in your new job. Take care of yourself. xx
  10. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    Time for you Scarlett. Look after yourself, be well. Xx
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Scarlett, you helped me so much when I first came to TP, I shall miss you so much.
    It's ironic that the very last thing went wrong, and I do feel so much for you. I would love it if you felt able to 'drop in' occasionally.
    I hope the new job is fulfilling and you enjoy it.
    With all good wishes
  12. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
    Oh Scarlett, your post has brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you've encountered these problems - these things really should not happen to someone who is grieving.

    I hope it's au revoir and not goodbye - pop in now and again to see us, won't you? If you can.

    Take care of yourself x
  13. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    North Somerset
    Dear Scarlett. I am so sorry to read your post. Sorry but inspired really. Sorry about all the errors you encountered in your remembrance entries and the lack of response from the staff. Admiration at how you are managing your new life when you are obviously still grieving so deeply. Thank you so much for the advice and comfort you have given me in my darkest moments. I don't think you realise just how much your practical knowledge has helped so many of us but now you are carrying it to the general public. Good for you!. I wish you well in your path ahead and shall miss your witty odes as well as your company.


  14. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    Scarlett you were there when I arrived. You will never know all the people like me that you have supported and inspired. As you move into a new phase of your life may I humbly offer my love and best wishes to go with you. You will take your memories and I am sure most of them will be happy ones. Thank you and Bon voyage x

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  15. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    I wish you well for the future Scarlett. Thank you for all you have given us here on tp
  16. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    North East Lincs
    Best wishes for the future Scarlett we will miss your wisdom and frankness.
  17. Miss Merlot

    Miss Merlot Registered User

    Oct 15, 2012
    Scarlett - you will be great a loss to this forum, but onwards and upwards for you, I hope...

    Also wishing you all the best for the future...

  18. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs
    All the best for the future Scarlett. I totally understand the need for you to move on, but we are all here for you should you ever need us.
  19. di65

    di65 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2013
    new zealand
    In my case, it is Thank YOU Scarlet. Some of posts have struck a chord with me and have helped immensely. As I face the prospect of Lex going into full time care before the end of the year, I will draw on the inspiration gained from your posts.
    You have said "au revoir" not goodbye, so maybe you will "pop in" from time to time.
    I hope you enjoy your little job, and enjoy the new friends you will make out there in the workplace

    Hugs - Diana
  20. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    Good luck with the new phase of your life Scarlet. I've learned a lot from your wise and brave posts. Very best wishes, Es

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