Thank Goodness For this site

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by lyn, Apr 25, 2004.

  1. lyn

    lyn Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    25
    surrey
    I to am feeling sad. Mum had a very strickt Irish.catholic upbringing. Never in my 46 years have I heard mum swear, not until now that is. She lives alone and is not looking after herself very well. She goes to a day centre 5 days a week & has a nice meal so I know shes eaten on those days. I take her shopping on Tuesdays & first stop is a full English breakfast which she loves, Sundays she spends with either Sis or me. But her house is not looking too good these days. Her toilets are disgusting but she wont clean them! Sis does what she can (Im disabled & can't get into mums house cos of steps) she won't bath/shower & wears the same clothes day in day out. Sis & I decided mum needs a cleaner to help with the chores. Her washing machine has broke but she wont get a new one. The thermostate on the fridge doesn't work & we're worried she might eat unfit food but she won't get a new one & last Sat her hoover blew up. For Petes sake how m,uch more can go wrong! A friend of my sisters (who she trusts) has offered to clean mums house but when sis introduced her to mum she had a blue rinse & told my sis in no uncertain terms to F**"" off & mind her own business. She doesn't need a cleaner. You can smell mums toilets when you open her front door & its nasty. Sis & I have arranged for the cleaner to do mums house when shes at the day centre, weve given her a key as we can't let mum carry on this way but she told my sis that she'd punch her face for her if she didn't get out of her house & to p*** off & leave her alone. Ive organised a new fridge, washing machine & hoover to be delivered when mums out again. Were only trying to HELP her for crying out loud. I know that under normal circumstances mum would be mortified if she knew what she had said to us but I still wrestle with the fact that she can say such awful things, I'm so upset. As Sue said about her Dad, my mum too has become Jekkel & Hyde. I no longer know this woman & its breaking my heart to see her this way. Trouble is I know its not going to get better & I already feel like an abused child. Nothing we do is right! Thanks for listening & I apologise for feeling a bit sorry for myself. Tomorrow is another day. Thank goodness for this site

    Lyn
     
  2. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    Hello Lyn
    You have my symthathy, although I am not in as bad a position as you, because my wife is the sufferer from AD and I can and do keep the house and her clean. But it is an uphill battle and I get more than my fair share of abuse from her. Particluraly when trying to get her to bathe and brush her teeth. She seems to resent the fact that I do the things that she used to do, and now can't, and will only do as I ask with bad grace.

    Has your local branch of the Alzheimer's Society got a support group, if so I would advise you to join. Just the fact that you can talk to other people in a similar position who understand what you are going through is a great comfort. It is a relief to get it off your chest in company with other people who don't think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. And mountains some of the problems certainly feel to be sometimes.

    Hope this is of some help, all the best
    barraf
     
  3. lyn

    lyn Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    25
    surrey
    Hi Barraf, thank you for your reply. I do belong to the local AD group but you know my wheelchair is such an inhibitor. If I want to go to a meeting or other event I have to go to such a pularva as I can't physically get my w/chair out of my car & people are rather backward in coming forward if you know what I mean (no disrespect meant here!). I do phone them for a chat which does help but sometimes I feel I'm beat before I start. Anyway, I've decided to have a word with the centre mum goes to & maybe they can help.
    kind regards
    Lyn
     
  4. adele78

    adele78 Registered User

    Dec 22, 2003
    20
    manchester
    Hi everyone,

    I read with interest Lyn's letter about her mum's personality changing with this illness. My mother, in her earlier days of the illness, started to swear and like Lyn's mum, had never uttered an obscene word in her life before. It does make you wonder where it comes from. In fact, I used to think the situation was like the film 'The Exorcist' with such a change in her. She would also be very aggressive with people. It seems that there is a set pattern to AD don't you think?

    After mother had been in an EMI unit for about 18 months, she no longer could swallow her food or drink and had a peg feed fitted, she also stopped walking and talking all about the same time. The late stages she is at now make her very quiet obviously because she does not talk anymore. It seems silly to say but I feel I can cope with her better now that she is very quiet.

    Adele
     

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