Tender Face and the 'kindness' of cancer

[Lucille]

Hello Karen

Haven't visited for a while and have just caught up with your thread. Am sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. As Cate said:

"Be proud of all you have achieved for your mum, you have been such a wonderful daughter, try to enjoy what time you have left, make some good memories to keep if you can."

Can't add any more, really.

Take care and will be thinking about you.
xx

 

[angela.robinson]

Hi sista, just caught up with your news . so sorry your fears about the cancer were founded, but your comments about the two evils make sense, i know you will continue to seek the best care possible for your mum . You have one of the best hospices there is quite close to hand, i guess there will be a transfer to there soon .
take care.
luv n` hugs
Angela.xxxxxxxx

 

[sue38]

Dear Karen,

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum's diagnosis. As much as you might have been expecting it, it must still have been a shock.

I do know what you mean about the dementia softening the blow of the cancer for your mum. My Dad has had malignant growths on his ears removed and now has a patch on his leg which won't heal. He had a biopsy last week and we are waiting for the results. Ironically it may have become infected from the biopsy and this may be the reason for his deterioration and subsequent hospitaliation. If (God forbid) it turns out to something serious my Dad probably wouldn't understand, and even if he did would forget.

We also have the problem, if it is a problem, that my Dad can't tell us if he is in pain, feeling unwell etc. I wonder if the signals normally sent to the brain when we are in pain are distorted by dementia so the sufferer doesn't feel pain in the same way? Who knows, but let's hope so.

Leave TP? Don't you dare!

 

[andrear]

HI Karen

Do keep posting on here as you will need us as much as we all need you.
My mum is terminally ill with cancer, but she does not have dementia. She was given 12 months at best but she is still keeping on going at the moment. She has made her peace with what she needed to do and indeed has made a great effort of putting her house in order.
The lovely people on TP will have help you as best they can to get through this terrible time and for me, I wish you well.
Do keep on talking to us.
Love Andrea

 

[Amy]

Dear Karen and Cate,

Karen honey, I feel the same as you, if our mum's can beat the end stages of AD by some other route, this must be better for them.

that thought has been buzzing round in my head since I read it....I dont know if its right or not...what I do know is that if it means that your memories of your mums being 'reasonably well' are clearer, it is good....If you can remember when they knew you...the last joke they made...the time they said your name...a shared shopping trip...when they could comfort you...you will have something to hold onto when they are nolonger here.
You are both in my thoughts, together with your mums.
Love Helen

 

[Tender Face]

Helen, I'd like to know your definition of 'reasonably well' compared to my mum's physical and mental presentation right now?

Karen

 

[Amy]

Hiya Karen,
Sorry..if i wasnt clear in my explanation....just had a quick look back in your posts, and found references to mum still liking shopping (though she couldnt understand bills), and you jokingly saying that she told you off...i think it was those things i was thinking of.
Love Helen

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Karen,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mum as this very difficult time.
Love & Best Wishes
Christine

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Karen

I have put off responding to this thread because you are in such a difficult place right now that I don't want to inadvertently cause pain, or come over as insensitive. I think you (and others) are correct though - a relatively fast death from cancer rather than an extended death from AD: well I know which one I'd choose. Not only that, I think you'll find considerably more support for your "mother with cancer" than you have for your "mother with AD". Also, while it's difficult to accurately judge life expectancy when there is any disease, time frames are more likely to be accurate with cancer than they ever are with AD. In other words - you are more likely to know approximately how long this whole thing will take, and plan accordingly. I hope I don't sound as if I'm writing your mum off - she's a feisty lady and no doubt she will continue to surprise everyone. I can only speak from my own experience - If I had had some intimation that my mother was going to die within a couple of years, I would have been considerable more profligate with her money in order to spend more time with her.

Love

 

[citybythesea]

Karen,

I know not what you are going thru with the cancer and AD with your mum. I do have the experience of a death from cancer and now moms AD. I think that I agree with you in how you are looking at it. I can only say that as fragile as my mother has been over the years if she had been diagnosed with cancer before she had AD the world would have come to an end With AD had she been diagnosed she would not have been able to remember it which would be a blessing. Mom is with hospice now, since she is at the oint that they consider her terminal. The nurses are wonderful...kind, gentle with her and with me they take the time to talk with me and make sure I understand what will come. They have given me some good reading material. If you would like to see it let me know. Paaliative care now is all our concern and with that it becomes easier.

My heart goes out to you.

HUGS

Nancy

 

[gigi]

Dear Karen,

I've just read your thread..not had much time recently to contribute much.

It's a good thing that none of us know at the start of our life's journey how that life will unfold.

Hoping you can still make some special times and memories with your mum..

And wishing you srength for the days ahead...

Look after yourself, too!

Love gigi xx

 

[Tender Face]

Dear Jennifer, you're absolutely right. On a logical level I see the irony of the amount of support that is coming or is likely to come our way - even a lot of the financial worries about care that are lifted - but I'm not operating at a very logical level most times at the minute, as I'm sure you'd all expect. Although it will be the end of the week before final scheduled tests are completed and therefore early next week before we get a more definitive prognosis, it is already evident that the cancer is at an advanced stage and I have already been warned the prognosis may well be in terms of weeks or months rather than years so there is little chance of much more 'quality time' with her. It's hard to comprehend where we were just a few weeks ago to the outlook now and for all I can comfort myself that she will be spared the end stages of dementia, right now it's not doing a lot for me.

I usually try hard not to feel sorry for myself but I've given up - I have to admit I'm hurting like hell.

Thank you all for your good wishes, they really help.

Love, Karen, x

 

[andrear]

HI Karen

I usually try hard not to feel sorry for myself but I've given up - I have to admit I'm hurting like hell.


You should be so proud of yourself to admit that your hurting and don't ever be ashamed to let it out. Your emotions will be all over the place right now, so just allow them to wash over you. You may even find that you go into overdrive.
My thoughts are with you.
Love Andrea

 

[Skye]

Dear Karen, of course you're sorry for yourself, and of course it hurts. We none of us can take that pain away, much as we'd like to.

But there are so many people who care about you. Please talk to us, we're here to listen. And we don't expect a smiley face!

Love and hugs,

 

[Lynne]

Pinching this from Connie ...

but I know she won't mind ... and I'm pretty sure it goes for all of us, we so wish we could give some comfort.

Love

.