Tempting their taste-buds

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Tender Face, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    I love the Cook Book idea in the tea room ..... great for me :) but nothing of much help to mum who seems to have lost her appetite ...... or doesn't want to eat ......:(

    A year or so ago, after considerable weight loss, her GP and consultants agreed to the 'Let her eat cake' idea .... (i.e. if she would have nothing else, pastries and cream cakes were better than nothing) ... then we seemed to move out of that phase after some weight gain to a more balanced and nutritional diet again .... then we've had the 'unless it's peppery and spicy I don't want it' .... colourful salads went down well for a while .... then old childhood favourites ... simple things like corned beef hash ..... pickled beetroot .... home made pancakes ....

    Sometimes I'm there for a meal-time - more often I have to leave things prepared ..... (and so also have to keep an eye on 'what may go off quickly' if she forgets to eat it/hides it) ...... If I turn up with a range of suggestions (and ingredients) and ask what she would like .... she can't choose ..... If I turn up with a meal prepared, I get 'Oh lovely I'll have that later, not hungry just now' ... but 'later' never seems to come ......

    I feel I keep trying and changing ...... but I'm running out of ideas of what to do ....... not to mention, tired of throwing away food I've prepared/bought ......

    The only things I can guarantee her consistently asking for, being eaten and not 'going off' are Liquorice Allsorts and Jelly babies :eek: ..... hardly a staple diet??????

    Any suggestions gratefully received ......

    Thanks, Karen, x
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Sorry if this is no help , but sound like your in a no win situation .

    I am wondering if you set the table to eat for both of you at meal time , in what ever you prepared would she eat then ?

    How about ready cook chicken , just that my mother into that at the moment .
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Kaz,

    We went through the sandwich stage, then the cake stage, then nothing much at all, then same old thing, will eat it later, which she didnt, used to find it hidden everywhere.

    Eating in company, I think Maggie has a point, since being in the NH mum eats like a horse, in fact often she fogets has eaten lunch, breakfast etc., kicks off big time if the staff remind her she has eaten, so they simply give her another meal. Have to say though she has only put on a small amount of weight, but she does seem better for the good food.

    Well that wasnt much use to you honey was it. Just one suggestion, is mum snacking, that may be taking the edge of her appetite?

    How about a stock of frozen ready meals that you could get out of the freezer when you are there.

    Love

    Cate xxx
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Thanks both. I think this was probably an answer I was half expecting and didn't want ..... :D

    Now, all I have to do is work out how to be in two different houses at tea-time :eek:

    Seriously, perhaps it is time to look less at 'menu ideas' but having to try to re-jiggle work hours and other commitments to concentrate on physically being there for more mealtimes?????

    Food for thought (ouch!)

    Love, Karen, x
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I was thinking , wondering ,

    Have you ever ask your mother if she like to so to a social club during the day ?

    Will AZ day center , maybe if you word it as a Social club she may or may not go along with it .

    because I am thinking along the lines of at lest she have a cook meal & may eat with the company of the people they .

    As they do proved a cook meal they .

    Strangely my mother eats what every they give her and as far as I know has never complains like she dose with me .

    I do have somewhere a weekly plan menu of the meals she gets from SS day center, when I find it say type it out for you .
     
  6. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Kaz

    Honey I think you are asking the impossible of yourself, and your own family. How on earth can you leave them to go eat with mum every day!! You are doing so much already honey, summut has to give.

    How about if you arranged for meals on wheels, and a carer to go in at mealtimes just to sit with her while she had her meal. Worth a go, and yes mum will probably want to skin you alive for doing it, (but if it wasn’t this, it would be something else!!), but you never know, she may just take to it.

    Love

    Cate xxxx
     
  7. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    :D Identify with that!!!!!!!

    Thanks Margarita for being so thoughtful ...... yes, mum has a place at an AZ centre one day a week - and apparently devours a three course meal when there!!!!! Perhaps it's my cooking? :rolleyes:

    I think you and Cate have really hit the nerve .... but it's then how to go about the 'juggling' of yet more demand on time .... I already get 'grief' at home for how much time I spend preparing home cooked things for mum to take which she might like ... (which my two don't!) then send out for take-away for us!!!! :(

    Many thanks, Margarita ....

    Love, Karen, x
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,903
    Kent
    When my mother was at home, she sometimes ate the evening meal we prepared for her, but often said she wasn`t hungry, or didn`t want it.

    When she went to day care, she always ate her lunch and was ready for it.

    When she went into the NH, they said she ate well.

    My husband has started to toy with food, saying he isn`t really hungry.

    Today, he ate 5 bananas! Now I know why he wasn`t hungry. The bananas were `speckly`, fine inside but looked overripe . He hates to waste food, so he ate them.

    I now believe he snacks through the day. He often goes into the kitchen to make a drink. Does he eat, while he waits for the kettle to boil? I`m sure he does.

    He also forgets he has eaten, takes some food and throws it away.

    I think my mother may have done this even more, while she was alone.

    If they have access to food, they might snack and pick at bits, so are never really hungry at regular mealtimes.
     
  9. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hiya Kaz

    Bottom line is, ............. you cannot do it............... you are spreading yourself way too thin as it is, and I can understand the grief at home too, they are watching you run ragged.

    There has to be a compromise somewhere, give the old meals on wheels a go, and see if you can get a carer in. What's the worst that can happen, mum shows them the door, well at least you gave it a go.:eek:

    Love

    Cate xxxxx
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #10 Margarita, Jun 20, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2007
    Wow Home cook meal anyone would think its a miracle if I did a home cook meal , unless it was a sunday in my home

    I am more a freezer meal stick in oven person.

    At the beginning thought ( looking after ) when cooking for mum , it was boil/ in the bag cod , with fresh Vegetables and mash potatoes

    Or with a Pie or Frozen Fish , boiled chicken or cauliflower cheese with mash potatoes or slices lame .

    Then I went away for a week , left my son with my mother & went to Iceland found all those meal ready made cook in morowave or oven and have never look back since.

    But now mum gone of mash , Cod in bag . so its ready cook chicken , fish chips , she really into oven ready cook frozen chips or fish chips from chip shop and would have fish chips or fried chicken or eggs bacon every day if I let her .

    Does you mum not have meals on wheels ?
     
  11. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Maggie I'm impressed cooking Sunday lunch, cooked meal here = Christmas:eek:

    Love

    Cate xxx
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    lol @ cate
    I Feel better now :)
     
  13. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Cate, you are very bossy! :D But right as always! :)

    And so is Sylvia methinks (right, not bossy, that is!!!) ..... Margarita - bless .... but mum would prefer to chew cardboard before she ate a packaged meal ..... (I'm afraid all her and my family are the same ...... I only get to eat 'ready meals' myself if I buy them for lunch at work!!!!!) ........ (and mum's freezer went last year coz we discovered she kept taking things out, thawing them out and then putting them back in when she changed her mind :eek: )

    So when I deprive her of her licquorice allsorts ...... tell her I'm sending someone in everyday to heat through something from a packet I trust you will all be there to pick up the pieces (of me!!!!! :eek: :D )

    I think the 'healthy snack option' might be the goer/compromise for now .... perhaps I need to worry less about 'meal times' and make sure if she is snacking that it's on the 'right things' ... ... (And only a token portion of Jelly Babies???? :) )

    Many thanks ..... at least I'm smiling about it more now and not just fretting!!!!:)

    Love, Karen, x
     
  14. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Kaz

    You really must learn to be more devious…………… have you never heard of……………open packet, display food beautifully on plate…………….whilst saying………been slaving over a hot stove to make this all day!!!:) Bury packet ‘evidence’ deep within dustbin!!;)

    ………… and for desert………….Jelly Babies with a smattering of Liquorish Allsorts……yum:D

    Love

    Cate (aka Bossy Boots) xxxxxx
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    ROTFL

    Now do you know that! I've done that :) seem you have also
     
  16. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Too right I do............. works every time:D

    Love

    Cate xxxx
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Gosh Karen, I wish I had some suggestions for you. The only thing I have found that mother will eat consistently (apart from sweet things) is boiled eggs, heavens knows why. However the one thing that will put her off is a full plate, so may be the grazing idea is the way to go.

    As for your own family: well I admire you for cooking from scratch for them, but have you ever heard the expression "rod for your own back"?:D

    Jennifer
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Karen

    I'm afraid I agree with Cate, you need to get some day-time care for your mum. (Yes, I'm another bossy-boots, as you know!)

    I think the grazing has more to do with boredom than anything else (I do it myself unfortunately, with disastrous effect). John is always looking for the next mealtime.

    Also I think there's an element of manipulation. Whatever I cook for John is 'all right, isn't it?', very doubtfully. When we visit for a meal, the food is always lovely. On one occasion, DIL brought in a shepherd's pie she had made. I asked John if he had enjoyed it, and got the usual 'all right, isn't it?'. When I told him Nicola had made it, his face lit up immediately. (OK, I'm not the world's best cook, but I do try!)
     
  19. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    The eggs have it!!!!

    Well, thanks again all you bossy-boots :) - someone's got to get a grip on me!!!!! :D

    Reflected overnight that I am guilty of having become too 'over-elaborate' and too 'over-facing' ...... when simple things I had been doing (and had forgotten about) like turning up with nothing more than fresh eggs and giving no more choice than 'would you like them fried or poached on your toast?'

    So too, been thinking about the difference of managing three course meals in a leisurely, social atmosphere instead of me running in and out of her house trying to accomplish several tasks as well as making sure she is eating ..... with my mind often on what I should be doing elsewhere ....... :(

    Strategy ..... ramekin portions for mealtimes ...... healthy 'nibbles' to graze on ....... healthy sandwich fillings ... crusts off, of course (I can't stop trying to pander and pamper) ..... oh and (from the book of Cate and Margarita's Devious Tips!!!!!! :) ) I could try the 'You wouldn't want to waste it method' ....... ???? See, I do try to learn!!!!! ;)

    (BTW Jennifer, I'm no saint ...... yes, I cook just about everything from scratch but I'm the queen of making double or more portions to freeze ... :) and a demon with 'leftovers'!!!!!! - so my 'ready meals' are essentially home-cooked ..... talk about trying to please all of the people all of the time??????:eek: )

    Agree with you Cate and Hazel, that mum needs more support during my 'working week' ...... but have always known mum will be hugely resistant to anyone 'visiting' .... for any purpose - it was a battle getting her to agree to her 'buddy' last year (although that has worked really well and hopefully 'paves the way') ...... but perhaps trying to secure an extra day (at least) at a Day Centre on a regular rather than ad hoc basis before I try to re-timetable my own work and family life ..... ... (mum seems to like the 'going out' but not having people 'coming in' - a personal space issue????)

    Well, I'm mulling and thinking ..... but at least feeling a lot more positive, so thanks again all ...... will put 'feelers' out both to mum and my Outreach worker .....

    Love and thanks to all who have helped here - seems trivial in the great scheme of things ....... :eek:

    Karen, x
     
  20. pamaris

    pamaris Registered User

    Jun 17, 2007
    10
    I wish I knew the answer to this as it is my biggest challenge at the moment. We weighed my MIL 4 weeks ago and she weighed 6st 11. Since then she has had another "mini stroke" and has averaged about 600 calories a day since; nearly all of it coming from the Fortisip drinks. God knows what she weighs now!

    She has "cramps" and nausea and various gastro intestinal problems... you name is she says she has it... so she'll have a "bad night" and then not eat for a week. I suspected that she was making herself vomit at least some of the time, and I just found out she has been doing that on and off for the past 17 years!! This was news to me and my husband. He didn't believe me. Basically she had a visit from the woman she has worked alongside the past 17 years, and it all came out of the bag... she came out and admitted it. She said, yeah, just depends on what I've eaten.

    So.... she had an eating disorder all this time, and now she has mental incomprehension and denial of what she's doing and why she's doing it.

    If she ever does want to eat anything now, it is just a packet of soup made from hydrogenated oils, MSG and maltodextrin. My DH asked the doctor if she was anorexic, and he said, oh no.... so she thinks she doesn't have a problem.

    Honestly, I wish things would either get better or end altogether, as it is hell to watch someone waste away.
     

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