Temper

[cake4tea]

My mom has middle stage Alzheimer's. I try to get her to remember where she puts things, like when she is helping with the cooking or putting dishes away. Occasionally, she will put something away, and then another identical item will need to be put away in the same place but she never tries to remember where she puts it or she really has forgotten within a couple of minutes. She does have a habit of not trying as she knows I will tell her where stuff goes.

Am I right in trying to get her to remember things, as she seems to loose her temper so quickly on occasions and cannot seem to control this. She was always very quick tempered even before she got Alzheimer's.

I have always encouraged her to try to remember things from when she was first diagnosed and want her to be able to remember things as much as possible but am not sure if this is the right thing to do.

 

[Beate]

I'm sorry but this kind of memory loss isn't made better by playing memory games. She won't remember and it's not helpful trying to make her. In fact, it will probably frustrate her even more.

You might want to read this:
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/sho...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

 

[marionq]

My husband can't remember his address, his bedroom, who I am or what country we're in sometimes. Don't expect anything and be pleased if you get any logic at all.

 

[Rosettastone57]

My mom has middle stage Alzheimer's. I try to get her to remember where she puts things, like when she is helping with the cooking or putting dishes away. Occasionally, she will put something away, and then another identical item will need to be put away in the same place but she never tries to remember where she puts it or she really has forgotten within a couple of minutes. She does have a habit of not trying as she knows I will tell her where stuff goes.

Am I right in trying to get her to remember things, as she seems to loose her temper so quickly on occasions and cannot seem to control this. She was always very quick tempered even before she got Alzheimer's.

I have always encouraged her to try to remember things from when she was first diagnosed and want her to be able to remember things as much as possible but am not sure if this is the right thing to do.

Sorry but to be blunt but I don't think this will help . I aim to keep MIL calm by not expecting too much in the memory department

 

[karaokePete]

My mom has middle stage Alzheimer's. I try to get her to remember where she puts things, like when she is helping with the cooking or putting dishes away. Occasionally, she will put something away, and then another identical item will need to be put away in the same place but she never tries to remember where she puts it or she really has forgotten within a couple of minutes. She does have a habit of not trying as she knows I will tell her where stuff goes.

Am I right in trying to get her to remember things, as she seems to loose her temper so quickly on occasions and cannot seem to control this. She was always very quick tempered even before she got Alzheimer's.

I have always encouraged her to try to remember things from when she was first diagnosed and want her to be able to remember things as much as possible but am not sure if this is the right thing to do.

I understand what you are trying to do as I did the same thing for a few weeks after my wife's diagnosis. I soon learned that nothing is achieved as the system doesn't work. The only result is that both persons get frustrated. I decided to save both of us the aggro.

 

[Lawson58]

My mom has middle stage Alzheimer's. I try to get her to remember where she puts things, like when she is helping with the cooking or putting dishes away. Occasionally, she will put something away, and then another identical item will need to be put away in the same place but she never tries to remember where she puts it or she really has forgotten within a couple of minutes. She does have a habit of not trying as she knows I will tell her where stuff goes.

Am I right in trying to get her to remember things, as she seems to loose her temper so quickly on occasions and cannot seem to control this. She was always very quick tempered even before she got Alzheimer's.

I have always encouraged her to try to remember things from when she was first diagnosed and want her to be able to remember things as much as possible but am not sure if this is the right thing to do.

About 14 years ago, we were going to live in a Spanish speaking country in a little village so we decided to try and learn some of the language before we went. So we bought a set of CDs and the books to go with them and started doing our lessons every night.

Much to our dismay, the locals spoke a Spanish dialect which even native born Spanish people couldn't understand so it was very difficult. We left there two and a half years later and moved back to Australia.

Since then OH has persisted with the same set of CDs, playing a lesson every night over and over which frankly drives me nuts just hearing that same voice all the time. I suggested to him once a few years ago pre diagnosis that he could go to a Spanish conversation class but he declined that in the belief that he was doing beautifully with these CDs.

It doesn't seem to bother him that he is still using the same program and listening to the same lessons but I really believe that if someone spoke to him in Sapanish, he wouldn't have a clue.

 

[Duggies-girl]

My mom has middle stage Alzheimer's. I try to get her to remember where she puts things, like when she is helping with the cooking or putting dishes away. Occasionally, she will put something away, and then another identical item will need to be put away in the same place but she never tries to remember where she puts it or she really has forgotten within a couple of minutes. She does have a habit of not trying as she knows I will tell her where stuff goes.

Am I right in trying to get her to remember things, as she seems to loose her temper so quickly on occasions and cannot seem to control this. She was always very quick tempered even before she got Alzheimer's.

I have always encouraged her to try to remember things from when she was first diagnosed and want her to be able to remember things as much as possible but am not sure if this is the right thing to do.

It's very hard and I know you are trying to help but it doesn't help. My dad is like this, I watch him try to put clean dishes away and he dithers looking for the the right cupboard so I just say "where are you going dad, it's this one" and then he goes to the right one and we laugh.

It helps that he is so placid and sweet tempered but I have accepted that he can't remember which cupboard it is so I just try to guide him. It saves him worrying and makes life a little less frustrating for me.

Try not to get cross with her because she really can't help it.

 

[fortune]

I've a similar issue with my mum. We've taken to playing dominoes every night. Amazingly she can remember how to play and even uses strategy eg blocking both ends and often beats me. However, every single game starts with her asking how many tiles should she take. So that's at least ten times a night, and I just can't help it...it drives me potty. I've written a big '7' on her whiteboard, and each time I point to it while she says 5, or 6 or 9, basically any number except 7. I feel like she needs to remember this! I understand that she can't, I know I should just be patient and go along with it, as I do with everything else all day and every day, but for some reason this particular thing is proving really difficult for me to deal with. I try to not get annoyed - I know before long playing doms will seem like a fantasy - but it just gets my goat every time.

 

[Saffie]

http://www.alz.org/greaterdallas/documents/CompassionateComm.pdf

Please, please read the above link.
Dementia sufferers really can’t help not remembering and it is not kind to try to make them do so.
It’s frustrating I know but it is us who have to change our attitude as we have the ability to do so while they do not. It’s not easy but no amount of reminding will make an iota of difference.

 

[Amethyst59]

I've a similar issue with my mum. We've taken to playing dominoes every night. Amazingly she can remember how to play and even uses strategy eg blocking both ends and often beats me. However, every single game starts with her asking how many tiles should she take. So that's at least ten times a night, and I just can't help it...it drives me potty. I've written a big '7' on her whiteboard, and each time I point to it while she says 5, or 6 or 9, basically any number except 7. I feel like she needs to remember this! I understand that she can't, I know I should just be patient and go along with it, as I do with everything else all day and every day, but for some reason this particular thing is proving really difficult for me to deal with. I try to not get annoyed - I know before long playing doms will seem like a fantasy - but it just gets my goat every time.

Don't know if this will help or not....but I get annoyed because I feel the dementia demon is 'beating me' if my OH doesn't remember something like the equivalent to your 'seven' demon. So...I change the game. The demon 'beats' me, if I react to my normal trigger. So...the next time she doesn't remember seven, just think...oh, no, you don't get me this time...and laugh...and tell her seven. You win!! And she doesn't get upset.
It reminds me of when I was a very young mum, and my daughter had learned to turn over when I was changing her. This was in the days of a carefully folded nappy with a carefully folded muslin on the top. It had me in tears of frustration every time she did it..and I had to fold it and position her all over again, while she giggled. So, one day...I laughed. And the look of shock on her face, that she had not 'got me' was priceless.

 

[Saffie]

Don't know if this will help or not....but I get annoyed because I feel the dementia demon is 'beating me' if my OH doesn't remember something like the equivalent to your 'seven' demon. So...I change the game. The demon 'beats' me, if I react to my normal trigger. So...the next time she doesn't remember seven, just think...oh, no, you don't get me this time...and laugh...and tell her seven. You win!! And she doesn't get upset.
It reminds me of when I was a very young mum, and my daughter had learned to turn over when I was changing her. This was in the days of a carefully folded nappy with a carefully folded muslin on the top. It had me in tears of frustration every time she did it..and I had to fold it and position her all over again, while she giggled. So, one day...I laughed. And the look of shock on her face, that she had not 'got me' was priceless.

The difference is that your daughter was rolling over deliberately, part of a game to her, but people with dementia are not.
Oh those nappies and muslin liners! How pleased I was to discover the one way cotton liners that I think Harrington’s made later! Still had to be washed but so much better.

 

[Slugsta]

I think Amethyst was talking about beating the demon, not beating her mum, I didn't get the impression that she thinks her mum is doing this deliberately.

 

[Saffie]

I think Amethyst was talking about beating the demon, not beating her mum, I didn't get the impression that she thinks her mum is doing this deliberately.

@Slugsta I didn’t suggest that I thought for a moment she was!

 

[Amethyst59]

Ooh, don't we have fun with the written word! You are indeed right...my game is to beat the 'demon'! And, to my shame...sometimes I don't play the game...and just get annoyed. But hey, ho...we are all human!

 

[Amethyst59]

Ooh, @Slugsta ...is this a new avatar?? Love it!

 

[Slugsta]

Sorry Saffie! I misunderstood what you said

Yes Amethyst, it is a new avatar although I didn't realise that part of it would be lost!

 

[Slugsta]

Have rotated the image so that I don't lose an antenna - am now climbing up hill. Which is about right as things often seem as if I am trying to climb a mountain!

 

[DollyBird16]

@Slugsta - it’s fab

 

[fortune]

Update on the dominoes issue...I took to jumping in before mum could ask and instead I asked her how many we start with. She gives me a pitying look and says " Seven, of course". After a couple of days of this we just take 7 each and play. Problem solved.

 

[malengwa]

My mum used to play cards and dominoes but struggles to now. She knows where she has to put the domino just not which one to place. She still enjoys playing though so we carry on.

re questioning, it's my dad who drives me potty, every day when he visits her, he quizzes her about what she ate, how much, did she like it, who has visited. I just can't get him to realise that he shouldn't be doing this, and it does rub her up the wrong way, not surprisingly. He will even tell me 'oh I quizzed her about such and such and she said this and that' . Dad did you check with the care home? No, I didn't get chance but she said she had porridge so that's good. Bless him, he still thinks mum chooses to be forgetful, or awkward.

Sorry gone off sideways.