Temper, temper...

[Kate P]

Unfortunately, I'm talking about me!!

Last week I felt ready to explode at the slightest thing - it's not helpful at all but sometimes it's so hard carrying on with "everyday" life when all you can think about is dementia and were we're up to and how are we going to get mum to the brain scan and what is she doing now and is dad coping okay. It becomes an obsession in a weird sort of way.

Had to walk out of work on Friday because I was at exploding point - it's hard to listen to someone whine for twenty minutes about someone using their pen when you have real problems going on.

I've never been the most placid person but I'm usually very tolerant - does it get better or am I just a bad tempered witch?

 

[Grannie G]

No Kate, you`re not a bad tempered witch, just a carer with genuine concerns, under a great deal of stress.

Unfortunately life really does go on, and others with their seemingly trivial moans and groans seem so shallow, when you have the worries of the world on your shoulders.

Luckily for those who make an issue over very unimportant things, they cannot possibly understand. They also cannot be expected to take on the burden of your pain.

Don`t explode, just try to walk away, as you did, and count to 10. It really isn`t their fault.

If you need to vent your feelings, this is the place. We don`t give a toss if anyone borrows our pens. They can have the lot.

Love xx

 

[Kate P]

Thanks Sylvia - that's the first thing to crack me up laughing so far today!!

You're quite right though - they can't be expected to take on the burden of my pain. I hadn't really thought of it that way before - I think I'm just so angry at the futility of it all that I forget that sometimes.

It's good to have people who can talk sense into you!

 

[connie]

...and I am standing here, tossing my curls and stamping my feet.

I will not share my pen with anybody

I have recently found that I am happiest amongst the company of carers, past and present. It is only there that people genuinely understand, and are not concerned with petty trivialities.

 

[sue38]

Hi Kate,

A few weeks ago I was at a friend's house with a group of friends for a girly night in. I had had a particularly bad day re my Dad's treatment and was hoping for a night of getting away from it, but 2 of my friends started an argument about THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING.

I sat there and thought - 'you know what?, I've had enough **** today, I'm not going to sit here and listen to this ****. If this is all you've got to worry about, well lucky you!' and I left.

I didn't make a scene, but my friends have known me long enough to know that I am NEVER the first to leave a party, so even through their drunken haze they realised that all was not well. One friend rang me at 2.50 a.m. (some 4 hours after I left) and said 'I knew you'd still be up'. Good job I was! Had a good cry on the phone to her.

But later on when I had calmed down and thought about things, I realised that one of my friends who was there that night had lost her Mum to cancer 2 years ago after a long battle. Yes we had had those ridiculous arguments in front of her when she must have been going through hell.

We all have times when we feel angry about important things, but most of the time we grumble about the weather, the fact that the post was late, that M&S's pants have really gone down hill...

This journey goes in waves and soon you'll be bitching about the trivial with the best of us.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[fearful fiona]

Oh can I join this club too? I just can't be bothered with trivial stuff other people moan about, it is so unimportant in the great scheme of things. I suppose I feel sorry for them that they are attaching so much importance to things like late trains, the fact it's raining, bla bla bla.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Fifi, I am so with you on this. We have one in our office (small office - only 4 of us) who has no empathy for anyone but who moans on and on about her trivial little concerns. Such as "Who's been using all the paper towels??" I kid you not.

Kate, AD does become an obsession for a while. It did for me. Nowadays, since my mother is much further along, I have started to widen my mental horizons. AD is not the total obsession-compulsion it once was for me. But I needed to go through that stage, particularly when my mother was having major aggressive and violent outbursts. That was a fun time.

I have pointed out to people in the past that I wasn't that fussed about their itty-bitty ridiculous problems when I had T Rexes to deal with. I think I might have been a little more diplomatic but I'm not sure. Doesn't matter, you have a built-in excuse if you lose your temper. You obviously are a very good person, taking the high road and just leaving the area. In the long run, I think it's better for your nerves too. Losing one's temper is not a pleasant thing, at least, not for me. I find that kind of emotional outburst debilitating at best and it does seem to drag on & ruin my day or week. So I try not to but I'm not perfect......yet .

Joanne

 

[sue38]

I know it's a cliche, but there is always someone worse off than you.

Today I had a bad day with my Dad whilst trying to run a business. It involved a wild goose trace of 2 and half hours to Manchester, and then racing back to see my (re-arranged) appointments.

When I got back to the office my cashier came in to my room. I always know it's her without looking up as she always lets out this long sigh. Normally I just say 'hello A...', without looking up, but today I was a tad more irritated and said 'OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHAT IS IT NOW?' Not taking the hint that I was not in the suuniest of moods, she went into a long tale about how she's going to a wedding in 3 weeks and she thought it was casual dress (FOR A WEDDING?) and she's just found out that it's not and she has to buy a new outfit...

On the other hand I have just learned that a former employee has been struck down with a rare illness that means that she is in ICU, paralysed at first in every muscle, although she is now able to move her head. She cannot speak and they do not know if or when she will recover more movement. She is 30.

We are all at times self-obsessed to a greater (see above) or lesser extent, and need to be. But that old cliche is true. Helped me to get things in perspective. Now just need to work on A....

 

[Nell]

When I worked at a residential care place for children with life threatening illnesses (think "golden arches" ) I never got over the differences in the way people would cope.

Some families, with children whose illnesses were serious but nevertheless under control, would carry on about EVERYTHING! Every concession had to be made for "poor them", every consideration had to be given to their failing to meet the home's modest rules, everyone else had to adapt themselves to the needs of these people . . . . you get the picture!!

Then other families, facing the worst of situations, would say modestly "If any one else needs the room, we can move out"! These same people would go out of their way to help others (often the "moaners"!!) despite the fact that their burden was undoubtedly the heaviest. They remained cheerful in the face of adversity, they were cooperative and helpful in the home, they were just the most amazing people.

I learnt SUCH a lot from (both types of) families.

 

[Kate P]

Oh, it feels so good to know you're not alone! I think that's what I love so much about TP - you can pretty much guarantee at least one person will understand you!