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temper seems to being coming back ??

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by tuffydawn, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    123
    two years ago he was so grumpy and would shout at me over stupid irrational little things then it seemed to past and he seemed more submissive and calmer now the temper tantrums are coming back got so cross as i was doing badly needed weeding told me i was obsessed with it what was the point ? or when i suggested a different route for the walk he got so cross as a few examples any body had this experience
     
  2. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Oh, poor you. Yup, I saw this some time back, now. I just let hubby grouse and kept out of the way until things settled again. It always did and the grumpiness passed eventually. Forget what took its place.

    There was a bit of the same when he was in hospital too. I get the feeling that because he got away with so much with me when he was well, the outbursts just kept on when he became ill because he knew he would never be challenged over his behaviour.

    Very sad post and I hope someone can give some proper and good advice.
     
  3. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I think I am going through this now. My husband was diagnosed 4 years ago he is 69 I'm in my 50s. The thing is I am told just to walk away . Not respond not argue as he doesn't mean it its the dementia. It feels and sounds to me like he means it. I am convinced my marriage is falling apart because of it . He hates ( or so he says ) our 24 y/old son so much so that our son has moved out hoping to get their relationship back on track. Our son invited us and his sister and her partner round at the weekend my husband refused to come so I went anyway I assume that this is how it will be as there is no give in my husband. My husband picks on me with this viciousness towards our son . We are moving house need to do it now but last night he said when we move he wont allow him to visit.He suggested the other alternative as him leaving me as I clearly love our son more than him. Another argument ensues. The son is an obsession Im sure and his (son ) list of bad traits are getting worse by the minute . I still think if anyone met my husband they would not understand what I am saying as he is capable of sounding sort of logical in conversation. At the moment I am having the silent treatment . I suppose its better than the nasty jibes which I am convinced are a well thought out process to hurt me.
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Mindy, you are not alone. I had this over a family member of mine which happened before the dementia settled in and took over. Won't elaborate, but I used to get furious at certain accusations which were made. That lasted throughout most of the time before hubby went into care. Now, he 'loves me'. Wants to come home., etc. Terribly sad. I wish you strength.
     
  5. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Y]es this started at about the time the dementia was diagnosed. It is so sad for my son and I suppose my husband as he cant let it go . Maybe he's not capable of doing that now.( I went away for a few days a couple of weeks ago with our daughter and put in place people to pop in, our son called twice a day of his own volition as I would not have done if I was him .) But I shall continue to go to see my son and he can come here as it is our house, we are invited to my sons for Christmas and my daughter her partner and I have accepted, its always been important to us but just another day to him so assume he wont come. My daughter is also having her wedding marque at her brothers next September so that should be interesting. Its hard to have the strength sometimes. tears seem to come easier.
     
  6. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    269
    Yes, I have seen this too with my aunt.

    She will behave this way towards me and my mum when we are together. Unfortunately, it causes my mum to become angry and so it escalates into a shouting match between them with me trying to act as referee :eek:

    As I say to my mum, you just have to keep telling yourself it's the dementia talking and try and let it wash over you, but when the insults and accusations become personal, I realise this can be very difficult and upsetting.

    Rising to the bait is probably the worse thing you can do though, so whatever coping strategy you use, avoid conflict at all costs.
     
  7. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Thanks for that . Its just nice to know my/our situation is not unique. Good advice I do try. Im sure you are right. Avoid the conflict...
     

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