For the last 3 weeks, my mum (64) has been asking questions about my sister, and can’t remember who she is. She sees her more than she sees me, and I’m not sure if I should tell my sister so she isn’t blindsided, or let her find out on her own. Anyone have experience with this?
Telling my sister that mum has forgotten her
- Thread starter Brady4768
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @Brady4768.
I’m sorry to hear your about your mum. It’s a hard one. My mum forgot who my brother was and from time to time forgot who I was. I know it can be really distressing. I didn’t ever specifically tell my brother as she never seemed to query who he was when he was there. He used to come through once a week from where he lives to take her out for the day while I was at work. Often when he’d gone she’d tell me he was a ‘nice laddie’ and ask who he was.
You know your sister best in terms of what she’d be happier with. Sorry - that’s really not much help. Good luck.
I’m sorry to hear your about your mum. It’s a hard one. My mum forgot who my brother was and from time to time forgot who I was. I know it can be really distressing. I didn’t ever specifically tell my brother as she never seemed to query who he was when he was there. He used to come through once a week from where he lives to take her out for the day while I was at work. Often when he’d gone she’d tell me he was a ‘nice laddie’ and ask who he was.
You know your sister best in terms of what she’d be happier with. Sorry - that’s really not much help. Good luck.
I would perhaps say that she now ‘struggles to recognise people, even close family’, rather than that she has ‘forgotten just her. It would be easier to hear and is also possibly closer to the truth. Advanced dementia includes all kinds of issues with visual and aural recognition. I, personally, do not feel that ‘forgetting’ is the right word to describe this.
My husband certainly often did not seem to recognise anyone for a year or two at the end but his very last words when he opened his eyes and saw his daughter a few days before death were ‘very nice’. The most lucid he had been in a very long time.
My husband certainly often did not seem to recognise anyone for a year or two at the end but his very last words when he opened his eyes and saw his daughter a few days before death were ‘very nice’. The most lucid he had been in a very long time.
Your mum might remember her or at least know she is someone she knows and trusts when she sees her. My mother and I were in a cafe waiting for my sister in law and nephew to arrive and mum kept asking if she knew them. When they turned up she knew exactly who they were it was just that she’d forgotten their names.
Hello @Brady4768
If your sister sees your mother more often than you do, your sister has probably realised your mum is unable to pinpoint precisely who she is and is able to accept it.
I know there were many times my husband didn`t know exactly who I was. I realised this when I noticed he gave carers the same smile of recognition he gave me.
It wasn`t important that he was unable to name me or state our relationship and I never asked him. It wasn`t worth putting him on the spot just to have this affirmation. As long as I was accepted, it was enough for me.
Your mum accepts your sister as someone who cares for her which is all that is important.
If your sister sees your mother more often than you do, your sister has probably realised your mum is unable to pinpoint precisely who she is and is able to accept it.
I know there were many times my husband didn`t know exactly who I was. I realised this when I noticed he gave carers the same smile of recognition he gave me.
It wasn`t important that he was unable to name me or state our relationship and I never asked him. It wasn`t worth putting him on the spot just to have this affirmation. As long as I was accepted, it was enough for me.
Your mum accepts your sister as someone who cares for her which is all that is important.
If it was the other way round, what would you want your sister to say to you?
It can be enormously upsetting when a person with dementia becomes uncertain about who is who or what their relationship is. I agree with @update2020 that the kindest thing would be to say to your sister, 'I'm going to warn you - mum is getting muddled about who people are - has she done that with you?' As your sister actually sees her more, she's probably already aware.
The important thing (in my opinion) is for you and your sister to support each other.
It can be enormously upsetting when a person with dementia becomes uncertain about who is who or what their relationship is. I agree with @update2020 that the kindest thing would be to say to your sister, 'I'm going to warn you - mum is getting muddled about who people are - has she done that with you?' As your sister actually sees her more, she's probably already aware.
The important thing (in my opinion) is for you and your sister to support each other.
