• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Tell me I'm not the only one

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,603
Auckland...... New Zealand
Mum with AD & Dad with MCI.
Mum previously handled all the finances, and Dad has been left behind with the new banking technology, and has never had to personally pay a bill in over 30 yrs.
He has never even had his own ATM card or credit card... for just reason though.
He gambles given half a chance. I have 3rd party authority on their bank accounts and also POA.

Mum is so much worse compared to a year ago.
I have had to send all the Christmas cards on her and dads behalf.
Arrange all the grandchildrens christmas presents on their behalf.
Transfer money out of their bank account for my birthday and my sisters.

and also buy a Christmas present for mum & dad to give to each other

It just feels so weird and wrong :confused::( but it has to be done.
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Mum with AD & Dad with MCI.
Mum previously handled all the finances, and Dad has been left behind with the new banking technology, and has never had to personally pay a bill in over 30 yrs.
He has never even had his own ATM card or credit card... for just reason though.
He gambles given half a chance. I have 3rd party authority on their bank accounts and also POA.

Mum is so much worse compared to a year ago.
I have had to send all the Christmas cards on her and dads behalf.
Arrange all the grandchildrens christmas presents on their behalf.
Transfer money out of their bank account for my birthday and my sisters.

and also buy a Christmas present for mum & dad to give to each other

It just feels so weird and wrong :confused::( but it has to be done.
i have had to do this for the last 3 years my MIl has VD and oly yesturday said oh i have not got cards and presents i said not to worry as we had done it last week which had .
 

PollyP.

Registered User
Oct 8, 2009
327
Herefordshire UK
Yes I too had to get Christmas cards and fill them in for Mum, last year I got her to write her name on the cards and I did the envelopes, but this year she is so much worse and didn't think it was worth stressing her out just to get her signature on the cards.

Very sad!

Best wishes to you all

Pauline
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Three years doing this for my mum too. This year she has no idea who she wants to send a card to. She can remember hardly anyone. Sad.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,536
Dundee
I did that for my mum when she was alive.

Now I buy a card for Bill to give to me. I then do my best to get him to write something like his name in it. I know it's daft but I like to have it. [HR][/HR]
 

Pear trees

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
441
My mum's Christmas tradition was always to ignore it completely! Even before she had dementia she had never bought me or my brother any presents and never bought or gave money for presents for her grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. She has also never sent cards.She refused my annual invite to dinner. Visitors (including family) got the door slammed on them, but not before she had snatched the tray with her Christmas dinner out of our hands!
I gave her a hamper of her favourite food and a watch yesterday which she did like - I've got my own key so she couldn't stop me visiting! SIL will take her dinner tomorrow, she has a key as well!
 

hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
I have done the cards and presents too, as Dad got so confused trying to picture everyone's faces last year. It's given me a chance to give updates on Dad's current situation to those who haven't seen him for a while.

Merry Christmas.

Heidi xx
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,713
Scotland
I had to go through my mum's address book and tell her who to send her cards to and I organised the presents for her, ever since she keeps asking if she has bought any Christmas presents even though she has wrapped them up and has them in her bedroom.
 

Bill Owen

Registered User
Feb 17, 2014
182
67
BRIDGEND
I know

Mum with AD & Dad with MCI.
Mum previously handled all the finances, and Dad has been left behind with the new banking technology, and has never had to personally pay a bill in over 30 yrs.
He has never even had his own ATM card or credit card... for just reason though.
He gambles given half a chance. I have 3rd party authority on their bank accounts and also POA.

Mum is so much worse compared to a year ago.
I have had to send all the Christmas cards on her and dads behalf.
Arrange all the grandchildrens christmas presents on their behalf.
Transfer money out of their bank account for my birthday and my sisters.

and also buy a Christmas present for mum & dad to give to each other

It just feels so weird and wrong :confused::( but it has to be done.
I Know .I'm sitting her n my own .Christmas morning my wife is in hospital not very good. had to do all the present. for the ch.and grand ch. by the food pay the bills .keep the home clean .go down the hospital 5 hour a day .for the last 3 weeks got up this morning.on my owen for the first time in 35 year.its very lonnly.sorry I'm dis lixic.
 

Ozzy71

Registered User
Nov 23, 2015
26
Happy Christmas Bill

I Know .I'm sitting her n my own .Christmas morning my wife is in hospital not very good. had to do all the present. for the ch.and grand ch. by the food pay the bills .keep the home clean .go down the hospital 5 hour a day .for the last 3 weeks got up this morning.on my owen for the first time in 35 year.its very lonnly.sorry I'm dis lixic.
Wow Bill you are a superstar! Im sorry you are having a lonely start to the day. I'm sure your wife and family are so proud of you for everything you do for them. Hope you have a peaceful day - are you seeing your grandkids today?
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,536
Dundee
I Know .I'm sitting her n my own .Christmas morning my wife is in hospital not very good. had to do all the present. for the ch.and grand ch. by the food pay the bills .keep the home clean .go down the hospital 5 hour a day .for the last 3 weeks got up this morning.on my owen for the first time in 35 year.its very lonnly.sorry I'm dis lixic.
I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. Your TP friends are here for you. I hope you have a peaceful day.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,405
Kent
I hope you manage to see your wife today Bill . I`m sorry you are on your own. I hope the new year will be easier for you.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,669
Merseyside
I Know .I'm sitting her n my own .Christmas morning my wife is in hospital not very good. had to do all the present. for the ch.and grand ch. by the food pay the bills .keep the home clean .go down the hospital 5 hour a day .for the last 3 weeks got up this morning.on my owen for the first time in 35 year.its very lonnly.sorry I'm dis lixic.
I'm sorry your wife is in hospital. I hope you have a good visit with her.
 

Quilty

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
1,051
GLASGOW
Hello bill. I hope your family arecwith you soon and you get to spend time with your wife. It must be so hard for you and there is nithing we can say to make it better. Sending you strength to get you through.
 

Grable

Registered User
May 19, 2015
167
Thank you all for this thread. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself today, having had a pretty miserable day. Mum's been down most of the day and spent most of her time sitting with her head in her hand, nodding off from time to time. She says she's ok, but obviously isn't. To exacerbate matters, I managed to serve up undercooked turkey for lunch, so we had a meal of just the trimmings. In the past, that would have amused her, but not this time - no reaction at all. And then, to keep her happy, I sat through an hour each of Emmerdale and Coronation Street. At least she stayed awake for those two hours.

I know it's horrible, but thank you for making me see that our day hasn't been so bad after all! Compliments of the season, everybody.
 

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