1. suem

    suem Registered User

    Jul 1, 2005
    How do other people deal with telephone calls when the person with dementia answers it? When I'm at home it is not a problem as my husband will hand me the phone, even though he will not remember who it is that's calling. The problem is if I'm out. We have caller display and I've said if he does not recognize the name when it comes up not to answer the phone. If it is a genuine call they can leave a message. The problem is he answers all the calls and of course people on the other end don't know he can't take a message and think they have left details that I can respond to....no such thing happens and I've not a clue who has called if the number is withheld. I have missed several important calls which he has been unable to tell me about.
    I thought about call divert and divert them to my mobile but there are calls from family/friends that he could speak to and there seems no way that you can release the divert from another phone (BT phone) and what happens when I want to call him and its on divert. Please don't suggest mobile for him...tried that and has no idea how to use.
    Any ideas please????
  2. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Nr Mold
    Is it possible to leave the phone on "silent "when you are out and then all callers can leave a message?

  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Apart from Linda's suggestion, and as you say a mobile didn't work out, what about 2 lines? Then the one that you give the number to everyone can be turned off when you're out, and the other one you can give the number to people who will understand the problem.

    I have, in the past, looked for a system whereby callers enter a code - if they know the code the phone rings, if not it automatically diverts or takes a message or tells them to call another number. Any of those. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem as if there is such an animal in the UK (I could do this in the US). However, having said that, this would seem to be a basic component of business voice mail systems, so I'm sure it must be doable.

  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Sue, forgive me if I have missed something here ... but if you are aware that you have missed important calls then is not for you to ensure those callers have your mobile number and know to ring that and not the 'landline'?

    I can't imagine how someone with dementia would (always) handle remembering instructions about 'call display ' - and if so, to have the memory and immediate cognitive skills at the time of an unexpected call to draw upon them and recognise which calls may or may not be answered ......

    A simple answering machine might be a solution ..... yes, it may seem to deny hubby some freedom with receiving calls from friends/family if you're not there ..... but then could they not be made aware of appropriate times to ring - or simply be called back?

    A ringing phone may herald a welcome call ... but equally can simply be a noise nuisance ... only way to stop it ringing is to pick it up? Dementia or not, that's instinctive?????

    I tried for some time to rehearse with my mum (who lives alone) that any call she got from someone she did not recognise she responded to with 'Please ring my daughter' .... and wrote my number (and name :eek: ) in large print next to her phone .... over time she has had to use this less and less as I have made sure HER contacts (apart from close friends) know to ring me directly ...

    Hope something in that helps.....

    Love, Karen, x
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    If I`m expecting important calls, I warn the caller that my husband is unable to take or convey messages, and give my mobile mumber.
    If I`m out for unexpected calls, it`s too bad. I always try 1471, but can`t be in two places at once.
    The phone gets on my nerves anyway. If I`ve missed calls, it hasn`t affected my life so far. As far as I`m concerned, it`s just one more demand.
  6. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    jennifer's post made me remember something about a phone i had a while ago. i never got the hang of all the features, but there was something called VIP numbers on it. i think it could be programmed so you could put it on silent, but it would still ring when those pre-programmed numbers phoned. it was one of BTs own make of phones, from the olden days when they had their own shop in the high street.
  7. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    #7 Lila13, Jan 5, 2007
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2007
    My mother told friends and strangers on the phone that she was my daughter ...

    While I was staying in her house she often filled up my answering-machine (in my place, 3 hours away) with messages, generally asking to speak to "Mummy". She attributed most of those messages to some of her imaginary characters called Podsnap and Shona.

    The worst were silent calls. Probably telemarketers. They don't know how much panic they create.


  8. suem

    suem Registered User

    Jul 1, 2005
    Thankyou for suggestions. Turning it on silent is an option..but what happens if I need to call him when I'm out, he won't hear it. If I'm expecting a call I make sure I'm there but if someone rings when I'm not expecting it as it was the case this week when he 'thinks' someone from the council rang...I'm at a loss. We have answerphone but if he picks it up, they don't get option to leave a message. It's the unexpected calls that are a problem, where the callers think they had left a message that is being dealt with when of course it's not.
  9. Dina

    Dina Registered User


    Had a quick look at the bt shop as Áine mentioned them and found this phone. It has somesort of VIP feature, but I can't see what it is. However, it does have a missed call memory, like a mobile. That might be helpful. In fact, probably lots of these new home phone will have that. Maybe if you go to a phone shop and explain what you need they will be able to give you the most suitable.

    Also, you can probably have it as a second phone somewhere, so hubby won't worry about a new phone and how to work it.

    Hope this is of some use.:)

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