I know how you feel. I love my OH but this awful disease makes it so difficult. I do personal care tasks I didn't think I could. We always kiss goodnight and say "I love you," it keeps me going. All the best to you.Every day. I love him but I don't know how long I can go on doing this. His reality is so far from real yet he argues all the time, won't accept what I say because he "knows" better. All I get is abuse.
The imposter who has claimed the loved one, is both interloper and mischief maker. It uses the once lucid and communicable one whom one has known throughout the whole relationship, in a manner which knows nothing of the sheer level of hurt that it engenders, nor the way it deceives by mimicking behaviour seemingly enacted with intent, when in fact it is a false enactment and the person living with dementia as innocent of it as the newly born child. Abuse, aggression , indifference, rejection, these presentationsEvery day. I love him but I don't know how long I can go on doing this. His reality is so far from real yet he argues all the time, won't accept what I say because he "knows" better. All I get is abuse.
amen to that. my husband tells me every day that he loves me and how well i take care of him. this isnt what i predicted you know when all the kids are grown up and moved out but this is what i have so so be itThe imposter who has claimed the loved one, is both interloper and mischief maker. It uses the once lucid and communicable one whom one has known throughout the whole relationship, in a manner which knows nothing of the sheer level of hurt that it engenders, nor the way it deceives by mimicking behaviour seemingly enacted with intent, when in fact it is a false enactment and the person living with dementia as innocent of it as the newly born child. Abuse, aggression , indifference, rejection, these presentations
make for alienation and an understandable sense of despair if not sheer mental exhaustion. Amidst the seemingly antagonistic behaviour come those fleeting moments which inform one that the " actual " person is truly present and vulnerable and totally reliant on the care being so willingly given. It is none the less extremely difficult to feel the worthiness of that care when the cold eye of rejection meets yours in a way befitting a total stranger hell bent on countering everything you say by proxy.
Amidst all of this remains a truth which one sees time and time again. The loved one, despite the ravages of dementia, remains in essence. Hidden perhaps behind that veil of indifference and non recognition for the greater part. Yet touch a certain spot, strike a certain chord, a particular word or a familiar tune, take hold of a hand and simply connect, just be there to offer comfort and solace to someone you know to be there and that can but only afford one a profound sense of both worth and meaning. Caring for a loved one with dementia is a huge and demanding thing. And when that caring comes to an end, there is a sense of having been part of something which seeks no recognition nor reward, but which enhances one's humanity and awareness in a way that never ever forsakes you.
His brain is not working properly and is tricking him into false memories, so he is confused and thinks that these false memories are true - because he can remember it! Logic and reasoning will not work, because he is convinced that he is right, so you must be lying to him and therefore must be a horrible, untrustworthy person (and perhaps not even his partner)Every day. I love him but I don't know how long I can go on doing this. His reality is so far from real yet he argues all the time, won't accept what I say because he "knows" better. All I get is abuse.
" This is what l have so be it". Courageous and accepting, because of its truth and because it is very, very hard to sustain in fact - because you are also human and you matter.amen to that. my husband tells me every day that he loves me and how well i take care of him. this isnt what i predicted you know when all the kids are grown up and moved out but this is what i have so so be it