tears that come when you least expect them

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by candymostdandy@, Jul 19, 2008.

  1. candymostdandy@

    candymostdandy@ Registered User

    May 12, 2006
    west sussex
    Ithought and believed that I have done my grieving for my mother over the past year, so that every new challenge and hurdle I just tackled head on..and at times look forward to the day that it will all be over..

    this week mum has had a dramatic down turn, is now not weight bearing and is bedridden (the application for NHS continuing care that was made six weeks ago and still due to go to panel is now completely out of date whereas we had requested 1 carer twice a day, the requirement now is 2 carers 4 times a day,- the district nurses have stepped in at the moment whilst they apply for emergency funding),

    As mum is Italian I bought her a Pavarotti CD today which I put on for her whilst I was feeding her in bed, as the music started she joined in singing along with Pavarotti, and the tears came, here I was spoon feeding my mother in bed, (memory test score of 6 last week) and yet she knew all words to the songs from her youth...

    i wonder when the next lot of tears will come?
  2. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    Candy. My wife loves Pavarotti and sits there waving her arms about with a big beaming smile on her face.

    Her speech and language have been gone for a year or two now but hearing the voice of the Maestro provokes an immediate reaction.

    She is unable to find her way round the house but she can tell when it is him as against the other tenors.

    This disease is difficult to cope with and the tears will flow frequently but sometimes, just sometimes, they are tears of happiness when you know that they are enjoying something that means so much to them.
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Candy, the moment may have brought tears, but it is a moment you will never forget, one for the memory box.

    I'm sorry your mum has had another downturn, I hope you manage to get all the assistance you need.

  4. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    Dear Candy,

    My Mum loves Pavarotti too. She talks in riddles all the time, having lost most of her vocabulary and wanders around not knowing where she is, but I grasp at these little things that make her happy. Like we all do.

    Hope you get the help you so badly need, financial and otherwise.
  5. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003

    Not sure if tears are good or bad just know we have little control over them when things get so tough. Sounds like one of those strange but good moments you had there. They have the TV on way too much in dads home but as soon as the music goes on many of the residents light up, tap their feet, smile and who knows maybe those memories flood in. I'll dig out that pavaroti CD for my visit today, so thanks!

    kind regards
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    The one thing that my right to the end of her life was music.
    In her younger days she sang and played the piano.
    Her favourites were Katherine Jenkins,Choirs of the valley,Placido Domingo,in fact any good music.
    She would sit and try to sing to some of them that she knew.
    When do the tears start?
    Now, as I recall all this , although it is year ago that I lost her.
  7. twinone

    twinone Registered User

    May 19, 2008
    Steve loved music and would always have cd's or the radio playing.

    At the moment I cant listen to any music, it reminds me too much of the good times and upsets me too much. I cant even have the radio on in the car.

    Maybe one day I will be able to listen to music again and have happy memories without the heartache I have now.

    Lots of love
  8. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Hello Candy

    What a lovely idea and it paid off because your mum definitely connected to it. As for your tears - I bet you had a warm feeling as well as your mum was singing away:)

    My Alan burst into song last weekend in a posh restaurant and he used to sing professionally. He sang all the wrong words but I don't think anyone else realised but me. I think everyone else was shocked because it was so unexpected and it did sound really good (loud but good)!

    Love to you

  9. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    I know those tears. They used to come for me in the quiet times, when Dad was distracted for a moment and I would no longer be rushing about, feeding him or talking to him, or making sure he was comfortable.
    Even though they come because you are sad I think they are happy tears, they come from those moments where all you love, hopes, dreams and wishes that you've had locked away because you can't think about such things when times are bad and when the practical issues need to be dealt with, for a moment slip back into your heart and then the tears come and wash all the pain away for a little while as you let yourself feel again for a few minutes.
    Well that's how I thought of them anyway...glad there was a moment of carefreeness to your Mum's life as she sang.

    Best wishes,

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