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Talking to specialists in front of Mum


New member
Jan 3, 2018
I find this really difficult and use to not get my points across. Mum gives me daggers, fortunately whoever we are seeing notices this and realises that it's awkward for me. I just have to do my best and often I get to speak to the person on the phone a day or so later. I always ask if they have a contact number 'incase I need to speak to them about anything'. They usually understand what I mean.

I also find that as difficult as it is, I need to tell them as much as I can. Afterwards on the way home, I try to talk about something to take mum's mind off the appointment. Sadly the chances are she will have forgotten about what was discussed anyway!

Hairy Cow

New member
Feb 18, 2018
I too find this incredibly frustrating and difficult, being the sole Carer with mum in denial I have to do everything covertly, mum will not go to any appointments as believes nothing is wrong, but the first thing any agency or concern says is ‘we will need to meet you at your mums’, NO you can’t....that will never work, she hates to be spoken about, hates me to say anything, and hates people to ask me rather than her, so I have to meet them independently, it has worked ok so far, it the more difficult situations are still to come I believe. Didn’t work too well when the police had been called after finding her wandering around, and then called me and started asking for detail, more hateful looks and actions.
I managed to get podiatry treatment for her, the first thing the girl said was ‘so you have dementia then’, I could have hit her, why do they do that they just don’t think, mum’s response, no I don’t that’s for mad people, I know she just doesn’t understand about it, let alone think she could possibly have it.


Registered User
Oct 25, 2012
The doctors at the hospital have asked me in front of mum whether I would like her resussitated or not! Its as though she isn't there....


New member
Jan 22, 2018
hi all , does anybody else have the same problem as me I find it really hard that when I take my mum to appointments they always ask me about her in front of her ( if that makes sense) I always feel so guilty and miss out stuff I really want to say as it’s so awkward..
I have had the same experience and if I am uncomfortable I simply say "the consultant we saw last interviewed us separately and then together which I thought was a very good idea" to which she replied "would you prefer that today?" . Dont be bullied by officialdom - you are the carer, the most important person in the patients life. You DO know best.


New member
Feb 8, 2018
Thank you all for your information, I will use these techniques in the future , wow so many lovely people going through the same thing . It is so so sad but a comfort to know I can ask questions and get honest reply’s thank you all again


Registered User
Jul 20, 2014
My mum has never had any insight into her condition so talking to healthcare professionals in her presence could be very tricky. I would email the GP surgery and adult mental health psychiatrist (either to their reception or secretary) the day before we were due to see them and request that the email be passed to them before they saw my mum, stating the time and date of the appointment. Fortunately this worked really well and 90% of the time they would read through the email before we got there so they were up to date with all the information such as any developments or concerns.