its adifficult one
How does anyone feel if they have to talk about dementia while the person who has it is in the same room ? ie at the drs or hospital consultant or even with another family member. My mum doesn't make or join in conversation any more, some days she knows what people are saying, then she forgets, so I'm a little uneasy/don't like talking about how she is in front of for instance her dr. she has an appointment with the dr next week for a general health check. I have emailed her dr previously about mum. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
hi there!
I don't have a problem having to say about whats happening (my husband always says I have no problem with speaking public or other) but when it comes to caring for my dad who has dementia with lewy bodies it difficult as hes not always aware of what happening to him..or if we have discussed something hes forgotten pretty soon and has no recollection of it. Its so important that the drs or those that can help him are aware of the things that are happening..but very often your time with them is limited.
we work a lot with word association and have since trying it almost two years ago ..and if hes trying to say something we use this, but very often he ll say ...you tell I cant recall.
with my dad he's more suspicious of one of us trying to speak to the staff before or after and due his delusions and hallucinations says what have you decided then...and generally its just to help him or to update them accurately. the experienced drs ask for our opinion anyway..but not all of them indicate that when they've asked him if hes ok doing something and he clearly isn't and don't ask us or my mum..then I generally speak to my dad and give him info to start a conversation knowing that he ll say well you tell him or her.
it totally depends on the frame of mind hes in..and when feeling agitated and not willing to accept whats being asked of us he says here we go again the sgt majors off.!
this is when hes totally unaware of what happening or something he does.
I have emailed the gp before now and also the consultant..\I\ always make contact with the receptionists and ...if you can get a good receptionist..they are worth their weight in gold. !!
I always try to not correct him in front of someone ...and at the end of the day so what if hes getting something verbally wrong..if the people cant accept it tough!!!
The dr or hospital aspect is different though..if theres something they need to know..then I say ...would you like to speak to the dr about your...or what happened...and that then leads either the dr or my dad in to trying to respond!
this doesn't always work... but does help sometimes.
when talking to family about their diagnosis or how they are doing ,I try and be respectful and people genuinely enquire and care sometimes..so I ask him if hed like to explain to the family member..even if he only gives a frown to how hes feeling at least hes responding. again if he feels he unable to respond verbally and agitated cant find the words then I choose to say something kind in a quiet manner ..to the affect of you had a dizzy spells this morning didn't you dad...then switch to a major positive or something that makes him happy such as his new found interest in paperweights...
as carers we learn when and whats best to say and what our loved one would like to be said to people and how they will react. as long as whats best for them is at the heart of the conversation and we re being respectful that's the best we can do really.
see things through their eyes and you can see that someone enquiring about things they might not be aware they are doing..especially if they have delusion seem like theres some sort of conspiracy against you..and youd react frightened to that. I would.
the important things is that when people know someone has dementia or alzheimers or any diagnosis really they tend to talk to the person next to them..there might be a genuine reason for that and they mean no malice by it.... but how are they going to understand the person if they are not even speaking to them!!
best wishes