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Taking Mum out of Care Home due to visitor restrictions

Aquamoon

Registered User
May 4, 2017
5
I understand from another post that your mum was in the care home because your father had a heart attack. I hope he has fully recovered and is up to having your mum back home.

I wish you all the best.xx
 

JGDMG

Registered User
May 5, 2020
47
I totally understand your emotions on this one. I felt the same last week when I found out that although restrictions are being cautiously lifted and we can have garden visits (weather permitting) I just felt a strong urge to go and bring Mam home. Mainly because no children can go to garden visits. Her great grandchildren are sensible and very covid aware but the blanket ban on children, made me realise that all of these little joys are being kept from her. My grown up children can have garden visits but separately as only from one household. I suppose I felt the same as you that she is totally cut off from everyone in her later years. They all love her and want to visit. We are thinking of Skyping as a possibility, but really it's not ideal. She has been in there for 5 months the reality of bringing her out made me think again, but I fully appreciate your decision, and understand the reasons. I would definitely see if it's possible to keep her room for a couple of weeks. And maybe see if there's anyway more contact would be allowed. Are they looking into the possibility of a pod for visits? I wish you the very best of luck
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
591
Wishing you luck with it all, whatever happens. Such a difficult time all round with this damn covid. Heartbreaking but you have to weigh up all options and keep sane and healthy yourself too. Best wishes x
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
18
Hello everyone, here’s my update as promised.
I’m sad to say that we didn’t take Mum out of the CH, when the reality hit us slap bang in the face, we realised, as much as we wanted to, we could not provide for her, even with home help, what the CH do. Absolutely devastated, because we want to see her, all of us, hold her, take her out, be with her and we just cant do that. However we did have a meeting with the CH manager to fully express our concerns of the length of time that Mum had not been able to go out for walk, she is a physically active person. Thankfully I was granted a ‘risk assessment’ and required to take a weekly Covid test, and allowed to take Mum out for a 1.5hr walk twice a week. On our first walk to the beach, my Mum was giddy, she said it was the best day of her life, it was literally like being let out of prison! So that’s our current situation, I’m still frustrated and unhappy that the Government can’t issue clear guidelines and that all residents of CHs are denied their families, whilst pubs and restaurants are packed. Autumn / Winter is approaching, goodness knows what further restrictions will be put in place and in the meantime, we lose our loved ones more and more each day :(
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,758
Nottinghamshire
@Wishing20 I'm glad you had a lovely walk with your mum. I think you've made the right decision regarding not taking her out of the carehome. I can understand your frustration. My dad's gone now but I know how I'd have felt being unable to spend time with him. I hope things improve soon.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,690
@Wishing20. I wondered how things were going. I think you've managed to find the best solution under the circumstances, and I'm glad the home listened to your concerns. I'm even more glad your mum enjoyed the walk. Hope your next one is as good.
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
591
Fantastic that you were out for a walk! Winter is coming and that is quite a frightening thought that I won't be able to see my mum at all when the weather is bad. It's just not fair is it? Sounds like your mum really enjoyed her outing so good luck with this continuing xx
 

Louie16

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
34
Wonderful. I hope you manage a good few more walks before it gets too cold.
Great outcome @Wishing20 . So glad you've both shared decent quality time doing something she enjoys so much. My mum loved walking, over last few months she's become immobile and needs 2 cares to move from chair to wheelchair from lack of movement, normal routine. You've done a great job with your mum , these are things you'll both hang onto.
 

JGDMG

Registered User
May 5, 2020
47
Hello everyone, here’s my update as promised.
I’m sad to say that we didn’t take Mum out of the CH, when the reality hit us slap bang in the face, we realised, as much as we wanted to, we could not provide for her, even with home help, what the CH do. Absolutely devastated, because we want to see her, all of us, hold her, take her out, be with her and we just cant do that. However we did have a meeting with the CH manager to fully express our concerns of the length of time that Mum had not been able to go out for walk, she is a physically active person. Thankfully I was granted a ‘risk assessment’ and required to take a weekly Covid test, and allowed to take Mum out for a 1.5hr walk twice a week. On our first walk to the beach, my Mum was giddy, she said it was the best day of her life, it was literally like being let out of prison! So that’s our current situation, I’m still frustrated and unhappy that the Government can’t issue clear guidelines and that all residents of CHs are denied their families, whilst pubs and restaurants are packed. Autumn / Winter is approaching, goodness knows what further restrictions will be put in place and in the meantime, we lose our loved ones more and more each day :(
Oh that's wonderful that you've been able to take her out. Just goes to show you did what you could, had the meeting and miraculously got a result. I know it's not nearly enough, but well done for finding a compromise.
 

Henkerann

Registered User
Aug 28, 2019
18
suffolk
Apologies for cutting and pasting my last post but I have contacted my MP, writing the following and await a response. I can only suggest to everyone to write to their MP and get the elderly back in the news.
I have been told today that it is being considered for the care home and council to put up a portacabin to use for the winter months. As I pointed out to the manager this creates even more work for the carers. Who will clean it after each use? It must be easier for them to escort one or two named family members to their loved ones flat for an hour after necessary precautions. I know this doesn't account for grandchildren but at least they would be in a familiar place with familiar faces.

It seems that once again the elderly in care homes have been put on the back-burner, if not totally forgotten.
My Mum is in assisted living with dementia. The scheme has been locked down since March 17th. I wasn't able to see my Mum until she was admitted to hospital, severely anaemic and needing 5 units of blood. When I saw her in hospital for the first time I was shocked. She was poorly but aside from that her hair was long, nails were much too long and frankly unhealthy
(carers are not allowed to cut nails because of diabetes and blood thinners) she was in short much worse for not having seen me.
When she returned home, she was back in isolation for 14 days having been in hospital. I finally saw her in a garden visit at the end of July. She did recognise me (at least she said there's my daughter) I don't know if that was prompted or of her own accord. When I asked her if there was anything she wanted she just said "To go home" and when I asked why she wasn't talking she replied "What’s there to say". It broke my heart to see her broken.

Unfortunately there are now a lot of new young staff whom I don't know and hats off to them for doing the job, but I question if they are doing it because they want to or if they have to. I have every faith in the way my Mums scheme is run and have to believe the (new) carers are good. (I had to bring to the attention of the manager my mum being wheeled into the garden on a commode because the new young carer ‘couldn’t find’ her wheelchair behind the bedroom door?) I know mistakes happen, but at this time, with no access, we have no way of knowing what mistakes are happening.
Yes I am afraid I am cynical, I am charged for the cleaning of my Mums flat and honestly have no idea if it gets done.
I deliver shopping and wonder if she gets it all.
I have no idea if she is prompted to leave her flat and go to the communal lounge which has been opened now but is practising social distancing so can only accommodate a couple at a time. (Let's face it a carers job is easier if no-one moves around)
There are now agency staff whom I am told are only visiting that scheme.
If carers are allowed to. go in and out, what is the difference with relatives going directly to their loved ones flat / room.
For the unfortunate relatives that have lost their loved ones they are instructed to clear the flat, how does that work, if there is supposed to be no access to the building.

I think it is underestimated just how much time relatives invest in their loved ones. Prior to lockdown I visited my mum EVERY day for at least two hours, enabling me to clean her flat properly, do her washing properly every day. Cut her nails, brush her hair and on and on.

I have every respect for those caring for our loved ones and am truly grateful but without being there to oversee what is happening, can only question what is or isn’t being done.

We have all seen the sometimes awful reports about treatment of people in care homes, and whilst I have faith in where my mum is, we should never be complacent or blind.

The Government guidelines need to be clearer, (the suggestion for visiting, ‘Don’t wear a hat’ REALLY!) and allow relatives access to homes. I appreciate there is a risk but quite honestly I know, I and My mum will take that risk rather than the prospect of her living her final days alone and for me, feeling a sense of betrayal forever more.

Something needs to be done, we have to move forward, there is no guarantee there will be a vaccine any time soon and all the time our loved ones are suffering a solitary existence. They didn’t sign up for a prison sentence.
With proper management this can be achievable,
1. Masks / visors
2. Temperature taken on entry
3. Limited numbers of visitors, a booking system, as is used for garden visits
4. No interaction with other residents
 

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