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Taking Mum out of Care Home due to visitor restrictions

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
20
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
 

SunflowerLou

Registered User
Mar 22, 2019
10
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
I really respect your decision my mother has days to live and we are being restricted to 3 hours in total for one family member and it really is breaking my heart. I can't move her now but if I had known in advance it would have made me rethink which home she was in because this is the most critical time and I am having to eek out the time not knowing when her final moment will be. It is beyond cruel.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
20
I really respect your decision my mother has days to live and we are being restricted to 3 hours in total for one family member and it really is breaking my heart. I can't move her now but if I had known in advance it would have made me rethink which home she was in because this is the most critical time and I am having to eek out the time not knowing when her final moment will be. It is beyond cruel.
Thank you for your words of support, I really need them right now.
I’m so sorry to hear of your situation, Alzheimers is the cruelest of illnesses and this current situation is making it worse to bear in every respect. I do hope you can be there to hold her hand as she passes on to be free again. X
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,573
Kent
Tough call but I fully admire your decision and hope it all works out for you all. My dad died 4 years ago after being in a home for 3 years. I had moved in with dad 10 months before as mum died suddenly and dad could not be left on his own.Circumstances at the time choosing a home rather than move dad to my home meant I couldn't try that, my OH was diagnosed with cancer and the risk of infection was too great.

I am glad if that is the right word that dad isn't still in the home during covid, I would have found it very hard, I visited every other day and as his home are still not allowing visitors it made me think what would I have done....I must admit I would have been tempted to try having him at home and buying in care, the time left is too precious not to visit for months on end. I did try live in care for dad but that didn't work.
I wish you very good luck and hope it goes as well as it can for you both.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
60
Chesterfield
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
[/QUOTE
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
Hope all goes well wishing you well.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,807
@Wishing20, that seems a very brave decision. Is there anyway you could have a trial run and just have her at home for a couple of weeks? Then if it doesn't work out she could still return to the home. She may be physically able and not wandering now, but these things change, and it might be that a care home is the best place for her after all.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and keep posting. You'll always get lots of support here.
 

Spanielgirl

New member
Jan 10, 2019
9
I fully admire your decision too, where there’s a will there’s a way. You’re a very brave and determined lady, you will fight this terrible battle that we’re all fighting and win the day. My 91 yr old Mum has Alzheimer’s, she lives in her own home and will never leave it. We as a family , my son , my daughter and myself share the care, we also have carers coming in twice a day. My Dad had Alzheimer’s and I put him in a home, I couldn’t cope with caring for both parents, it was the right decision for him but not Mum. Our thoughts are with you. Please keep us updated.
 

DILhelp

Registered User
Jan 31, 2016
118
London
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
I'm so proud of you xxx
We have kept MIL in her house and we live with her for the past 6yrs. My hubby wouldn't want it any other way xx
 

theunknown

Registered User
Apr 17, 2015
435
If you feel it's the right thing for you and your mum, Wishing, that's what you need to do. All the best for the future, and will look out for your updates.
 

Wishing20

Registered User
Feb 27, 2020
20
Thank you so much everyone who’s taken the time to reply, its very much appreciated. I feel that I have tried and exhausted all other options over the last 6 weeks. Every night before I go to sleep I think of my Mum and her lack of freedom and family restrictions and these thoughts just ate away at me and I knew I just had to do something for her. She’s been an amazing Mum and Grandparent, we’ve always been so close and whilst I fully respected and appreciated the initial lockdown and that the Home was Covid free, I could see no end to the restrictions and her limited time was just ticking away without us. It’s a real shame because the Home was the perfect place for her initially, lots of entertainment, stimulation, companionship, great staff and I could visit everyday and take her out whenever, all her needs were met. But as we all know the world is a different place now and personally I think Dementia people are last on the Government’s list, pubs appear to be more important and well as I‘ve said, not an easy decision, I know the road ahead could be tough, but sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right for your family.
 

Mabs123

New member
Mar 7, 2018
1
I’ve finally made the decision, I’m taking Mum out. This situation is going to go on for a long time and the CH response seems to be to restrict and lockdown. Wait until winter arrives with colds and flu! My Mum doesn’t have time on her side to wait for things to get better, to be allowed to see her family, to hold and hug them, to go for walks! She’s physically able, doesn’t wander, and can see others walking about and understandably cant understand why she cant go out. I know it will be difficult, but I just cannot ignore the prison like conditions that residents are enduring at the moment. Covid isnt the only thing that can kill, so can a broken heart. She’ll return to live with her husband and care will be provided morning and afternoon, fingers crossed she will enjoy the outdoors for the rest of summer, we cant wait to be with her. I’ll keep you updated.
[/ QUOTE]
Hi i am a new member. I nursed my mum for 3years. We went out daily for walks and shopping, her mobility wasn't great. But with the help of a Walker she managed... . she ended up in hospital with a water infection. That's when our nightmare began. She was sent to a unit to be assessed( due to her Dementia). Lockdown came.... she fell broke her wrist, another infection, back in hospital. Could only see her through a window( back at the unit. Was told she needed 24hr care. I was devastated, I could no longer meet her needs. Went into a Dementia care nursing home 5 weeks ago, two days later fell.out of bed, broke her collar bone. Took her to hospital^ sfe had filthy nails, food all over her broken pot on broken wrist. Ask nursing home to cut down her nails for hygiene purposes( as she had started to constantly pick her teeth. Had not seen her for 5 weeks. As home did not have video calling available.. Rang everyday to talk to her., but by the sound of her voice, she had declined .... seen her for the first time in 5 weeks. I was devastated, she could no longer walk, move her arms, sit up unaided in a chair , looked completely lost and unable to speak much. I spent all last week crying. Now after being admitted to hospital again for the 4th time in 5 weeks with another infection due to pressure sores. Have been told she will spend the rest of her life bed bound, unable to do anything at all for herself. I ask the question, why were our elderly not thought about with the covid? Why were there no appointed person to keep their movements going.... I'm totally heartbroken seeing my mum , virtually a cabbage 😪.I am bringing her home to spend what time she has with her family. I know i will have a fight on my hands regarding Adult social services , despite me having POA..
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,334
I don't want to rain on your parade.
But do talk to the Home, regarding how much care she really does need, not only during the day, but at night.
Is she a night wander, what are her loo needs in the night, what time does she settle down/get up?
Can you realisticly meet these needs?
Bear in mind the needs now, will only become greater.
Your whole life, and that of the rest of the household will revolve totally around her. Who will do the shopping, gardening, cleaning whilst you are having to care for her?
It is a very big step to take someone out of a Care Home.

Bod
 

Quizbunny

Registered User
Nov 20, 2011
121
Are you sure that your father will be able to cope. Having carers in morning and afternoon still leaves a great deal of time when he will be alone with his wife.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,616
South coast
Are you sure that your father will be able to cope. Having carers in morning and afternoon still leaves a great deal of time when he will be alone with his wife.
I had assumed that you would be looking after her yourself too, but I have just gone back and re-read your opening post. Thats a big ask for your dad and a big decision to make on someone elses behalf. I too would worry about the two of them being alone for such long periods of time.

Do you have a plan B if ait all falls apart and your dad cant cope?
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,735
Essex
I wish you the best of luck but I think you should consider what @Canary,@Bod and @Quizbunny have said. When my brothers suggested taking dad out of the home and bringing him back here to me I was full of dread because whilst I would have loved to have had him back my health would have suffered so as @ Bod says have a good discussion with the home to find out what her needs are and remember they will become greater. You will also have to keep an eye on both your parents in case your dad becomes ill with the pressure of caring for your mum.

MaNaAk
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
60
Chesterfield
I am between a rock and hard place about this I am completely exhausted and have to be back at work more in the future but I don't want mum to go in a home just to make it easier for me .I read others posts and think I don't want that for her but how much longer can I do it on my own .the thought of covid is scary what if she gets it there ,would she have to be in quarantine when she went in ,I think it would be worse than the situation we are in now. Good luck.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,573
Kent
Oh I too hadn't read it properly and thought you would be taking over 24 hr care with carer support. How does your dad feel about it and is he physically and mentally able to provide care for the inevitable changing challenges and long hours when neither carers or you are there?