taking mum out, is it u settling her?

[hiedicat]

Mum has been in care home for a month and initially settled really well. Since my sister and I have started taking her out fir walks, meals at our houses etc she seems more unsettled and and she often gets distressed when we leave. This is heartbreaking are we doing the right thing? Mum really enjoys being out with us so maybe it us worth the pain?
Any thoughts appreciated.

 

[Butter]

I have read a couple of threads on this before. The general view seems to be that if people are beginning to be upset (by change in routine or by returning to the CH) the best way forward is to try to take the nice things to her - to take your tea to her.

 

[Wigan]

I would try to persist with bringing her out as its important to have some normality with your mum while you can. She has only been in the care home for a month and even though she has settled in well, she will still get disorientated easily. I am sure that the more you take her out she will become less unsettled and you can all enjoy your time together in a different environment.

 

[Witzend]

Even after she had been in the CH a few years my mother would still apparently find the place unfamiliar when I took her back after an outing. But I still took her for a drive around Richmond Park, and we would park and have an ice cream or a cup of tea, or both. She used to enjoy the outings for a while, but latterly started to fret about having to 'get back to the children', and of course no amount of reassurance would help. And then quite suddenly she seemed to forget how to get in or out of a car - she did not know what to do with her arms and legs - so I can't take her anywhere any more, and I don't think she'd want to go now anyway.

So what I think I'd say is to continue outings while you can, and if she is enjoying them at all, since you never know when they may become impossible. Is your mum distressed when you leave her if you don't actually take her out? I know all too well how upsetting this can be all round, so I do understand that what causes the least distress may be best. Personally I found it easier to take my mother out in the earlier days, since if we stayed in the ch it was usually a long litany of 'Get me out of here!' and 'I want to go home!' which she would simply not be distracted from, so it was better for both of us to have a change of scene.

 

[Dazmum]

Maybe you could take her back when there is a distraction such as lunch or tea? That is what I do, having taken advice on TP. I am still able to take mum out as you do, and I will continue until it either distresses her or she is physically unable to come. The main reason I can bring her to my home is that she doesn't remember living there with us. It is still very early days for your mum though, so Butter's idea is also a good one, and may help her settle.

 

[Pacucho]

You have received great advice here.

If none of the above work another reason might be that your mum is worried about you when you leave. Therefore, when you leave you could explain to her you are safe and will be going home to a secure environment.
Hope this helps,

Paco

 

[Concerned111]

Taking mum out

Hello there,

My sister and I are having the same dilemma with my mum. Whenever we visit all mum wants to do is go out, but the same situation is occurring each time. She becomes so upset and agitated, that we have made a decision that we wont be able to take her out anymore as it is just too confusing for her. Reading other posts, it seems a good idea to take home to her, picnics etc. I really empathise with you as it is heartbreaking to see her so upset. I hope it helps to know you are not on your own with this predicament

Mum has been in care home for a month and initially settled really well. Since my sister and I have started taking her out fir walks, meals at our houses etc she seems more unsettled and and she often gets distressed when we leave. This is heartbreaking are we doing the right thing? Mum really enjoys being out with us so maybe it us worth the pain?
Any thoughts appreciated.

 

[Perdita]

Hiedicat- my mum got incredibly upset when she was first in the care home if we took her out, she hated going back and even tried to run away from me once.

But I'm happy to say she seems to have gotten through that stage and now I can nip her up to the garden centre for coffee or lunch and a look round, and then I take her back and she's fine, so hopefully this may happen with your mum too as she becomes more settled.

 

[LYN T]

When P first went to the CH we used to go for little walks to the beach or a cafe. Unfortunately Pete is in a bad place at the moment and gets very anxious when he is taken out, so I've stopped for the time being. I visit him before supper time and I take him finger food and fruit which we have with a cup of tea.

I guess we all have to adapt to this terrible disease.

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Witzend]

Maybe you could take her back when there is a distraction such as lunch or tea? That is what I do, having taken advice on TP. I am still able to take mum out as you do, and I will continue until it either distresses her or she is physically unable to come. The main reason I can bring her to my home is that she doesn't remember living there with us. It is still very early days for your mum though, so Butter's idea is also a good one, and may help her settle.

Yes, I used to time our outings so that we were back just in time for tea. Then I would usually say that I just had to nip to the shops/dry cleaners before they closed, or I had to dash to pick up OH from station/airport, but I'd be back very soon....

To be honest I could not have managed visits at all without my repertoire of LWLs at the end of them.