Taking Mum out and then back

Diane Reynolds

Registered User
Aug 2, 2005
My mother has been in a small residential home ( 12 residents ) for 4 months after being diagnosed with AD for 2 - 3 years. I've taken her out three times, once to a marriage ceremony, once to a church service and last Sunday to a birthday lunch in a local pub. On taking her back to the home, the first 2 occasions went fine, but last Sunday as we approached the residential home, she said "you're not taking me back there, I don't want to go". It was very upsetting for everyone, Mum came in with me and was quiet for about 20 minutes and then was smiling again.

The following day she couldn't remember coming out with me, and appeared quite content to be in the home.

I want to be able to take her out again but don't want to see the anxiety in her.
I am sure that she's happy in her new home, the care staff are so gentle and affectionate with her and when I have a peep at her prior to a visit she's usually laughing or smiling and doesn't show any sign of being unhappy.

I'd like to know if anyone else is/has experienced this problem and how they got around it if possible.


Registered User
Sep 14, 2004
We are in a very similar situation, my Mum and Aunt have taken my Grandma out for brief trips to coffee shops etc and they want to keep doing this as she reallty seems to enjoy it, but the worry is that one day it will be impossible to get her back.
All I thought was (I've not done it yet!) - and I don't know if people think this is cheeky - let the home know when you plan to be back, take their number, and make sure they have your mobile no. In this sort of situation I would hope they would be able to help. I know that that doesn't help much if she is miles away, but we tend to take her to the coffee shop across the road or the pub at the end of the road.
I would also be interested to know what advice people have about this?


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
There have been a couple of times when my Dad was reluctant to return to the Home after a trip out. We're confident in the Home being ok so figure it's just reluctance on Dad's part and in our case distraction and a confident manner works, as it often does in other situations.

For instance, we might stop for a few minutes to look at some flowers then Mum will say in a matter-of-fact voice - 'we're going to see Mary now', or 'we'll get a cup of tea here' and start walking towards the Home again. Perhaps this works for us because Dad's memory is so bad (or he likes his tea so much :) ) but I think it's also Mum's determined appearance.

Dad often seems concerned and confused - he's not sure what's meant to be happening or what he's supposed to be doing, so giving him direction and purpose seems to comfort him. Hope this helps.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi, yes the advice is right in my book. I have run shifts in care homes. Residents have come back distressed. The staff will deal with this, they are used to it. The resident will be settled long before the relative/friend has calmed down believe me. Sadly, the person with AD etc will forget pretty quickly whilst you and I will feel the sadness and pain. We cannot alter this. but, It should not interfere with us sharing precious, happy times with our loved ones. If it does, then the darn illness has won!! Do we want this, no we don't!!! Lotsaluv, She. xx

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