Taking Dad to my mother's funeral

[beatrice]

Hello all,

I haven't posted here in quite a while - since i first had my father assessed. A Lot has happened in that time.

I lost my job. A few times. I moved dad into sheltered accommodation. I got engaged. I got disengaged. I lost my job again. And now my mother has died (if anyone has a four leaf clover they'd like to post me i'd be much obliged).

My main concern now is that Dad has said he would like to go to the funeral. Now i don't come from the Waltons and the funeral is going to be full of people whom i happen to be related to that never liked nor approved of my mother and father's relationship and that neither i nor my father have anything to do with. My mother and father split acrimoniously 21 years ago.

These people have no idea about Dad's condition and i'm trying to find the best way to deal with the funeral. I'm currently erring on the side of hiring a taxi on standby, arriving at the last possible moment and leaving at the first possible moment with a hearty snarl in the direction of anyone who so much as dares approaches me and Dad. And i'll find the money for all of this from the magic money tree at the bottom of my non existent garden. Personally, i'd rather not go but as dad has said we should then that is what i will try to make happen as painlessly as possible.

Any suggestions gratefully received.

 

[sistermillicent]

Sounds like a horrendous time you have had. Do exactly what you want to and never mind what all those other people think. You don't have to explain anything to anyone unless you want to.

 

[rajahh]

I honestly have no suggestions, But I wish you well and admire you for contemplating going.

Jeannette

 

[SisterAct]

Hi Beatrice
I took my Dads sister who has Alzheimer's to his funeral. She did shout out during the service but I would have still wanted her to be there. I didn't care what anybody thought as long as they didn't upset my Aunty.
Here is your four leaf clover..hope it helps.


Luv
Polly x

 

[meme]

take Dad to your mothers funeral if you can..arranging to spend a short time is a good idea, then you have an escape route..good luck

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Beatrice, I just don't know what to say, what an awful sequence of events. Sometimes life is simply unfair, end of story.

I wish I could help you, my thoughts are not necessarily much use but here they are. Your dad wants to go, whatever they may have been through in the past, this is his desire and I would respect that. I'm not sure what your relationship had been like with her but she was your mum and it would be a very decent thing to do, regardless of the opinions of the rest of her family.

If you're strong enough, I would ignore these people if they dare to question your presence, and I would only escape early if you felt you needed to, otherwise, stay as long as you're both able. Easy for me to say, I know, but I just think it's harder to live with the regret if you don't go and later wish you had, than to live with a few moments of derision from others. It's such a hard situation, on top of all the other stresses you've had. I'm glad someone has given you a four leaf clover, so I will try some beauty to enrich your life a little.

Take care, hope it goes well and things pick up soon.

Stephanie, xxx