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Taking Dad back home for visits

Perry100

New member
Jun 19, 2021
1
0
My Dad (87) went into care home in Nov 2019 . settled in fairly well and Mum was able to visit as and when she wanted to, which was atleast 5 days a week. Lockdown obviously changed all that, Mum has taken the separation badly. She now has 30 minute visit weekly. This week she was told she may soon be able to take Dad back to their home for a short garden visit, providing, me, my brother etc have negative test. My mum is very keen on this, my brother and I are concerned about the impact on our Dad. Will it upset him to be back in his home/garden, is it the right thing to do? etc. what are other peoples experiences with trips away from care home. Many thanks
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,346
0
South coast
Hi @Perry100 and welcome to Talking Point. My mum was in a care home before lockdown, so I used to take her out regularly. Mostly we did thing like walking along the prom and looking at the beach or through the park and feeding the ducks. We also went to cafes and garden centres. I only once took her home and that was a disaster because she was very worried that the owner would come back and find us there, so she was very agitated and I had to take her back to her care home very quickly. After that I didnt take her back to her home because I had to sell it, but I think I would have been reluctant to do it.

One of the biggest problems is if he recognises his old home and refuses to go back to the care home. Do you think that he would understand that he used to live there? If not, it is probably reasonably safe to take him there, although I would make sure that nobody reminds him that it used to be his home.
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,382
0
Newcastle
Hi @Perry100 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. My wife has been in her care home for 2 years and I have never once considered bringing her back to our marital home. Before Covid we did go out on short walks near her care home but she often seemed anxious to get back to the place that she had got used to living in. Your Dad might get upset but for a different reason from the one that you suggest. If you tell him that he is going 'home' chances are that he will picture his childhood home rather than the home that he shared with your Mum (I know my wife's talk of home is about somewhere that exists nowhere but in her head).

I can't see anything to be gained by it and huge potential for hurt and upset all round. A visit in the care home garden would seem more appropriate and less unsettling.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,540
0
My mother in law was in a care home for a short while, but we never at any point considered taking her back to her old house. We just couldn't guarantee she would agree to go back to the care home, having got her there with difficulty in the first place. To our mind, a visit out served no purpose
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,615
0
Hello @Perry100

Disappointing for your mum but think your instincts are right and I agree with the others that it is not a good plan. I’m a bit surprised that it has been suggested by the staff. It’s risky and would almost undoubtedly be stressful all round. It would be best to make an alternative plan which your mum would be happy with, perhaps coffee and cake in a local cafe, a picnic in a local park, neutral territory.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,265
0
leicester
Hello @Perry100 and welcome to DTP from me also.

I’m afraid I agree with the previous posters it is very risky to take your Dad back to his home it could cause big problems.

I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post for support and advice and to share your experiences.