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Taken aback !

Portia100874

Registered User
Jan 29, 2018
43
Bit taken aback tonight after seeing manager of mums care home as she told me mum is very introverted and quiet and doesn't want to join in any activities and they are worried about her ! Mum has always been a quiet person and would have been horrified at care home activities. Surely it's ok if mum doesn't want to join in she's not the only one who is quiet there so not sure why mum is such a worry.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
1,794
Yes, of course it's ok if your Mum doesn't want to join in with the activities.The staff will be keeping an eye out for anyone who seems a bit low so maybe the comment was just to check with you that this is normal for your Mum? Has she been at the home long? Depression is quite common in those with dementia but if you're happy that your Mum is not any more introverted/quiet than normal then I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. If you still have doubts speak to the manager again to help put your mind at rest.
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
698
London
Absolutely fine!
My Mum is exactly the same. The manager is probably just being vigilant and making sure that they are doing as much as they can to keep your Mum content and stimulated. You know your Mum best so tell her it's your Mum's way- nothing worse than being forced or cajoled into things you don't want to do- that will make you unhappy.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,104
Nottinghamshire
My dad was mostly happiest in his own room. Most of the activities didn't interest him and he preferred his own company.

He'd join in with somethings but the staff knew better than to force the issue!

I expect they're just checking she's ok.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,484
Kent
My dad was not a joiner into activities when in his NH and some othets were the same. It is about recognising that one person with dementia is not the same as another. The activities staff knew for dad that sitting chatting quietly or flicking through his photo timeline album 1 to 1, was more his thing when he was receptive so they made sure that happened now and again. Volunteers and 6th form students looking to go into social care or the medical profession cane into the home once a week...fully vetted and supervised...and this really benefitted those like dad He was always asked gently if he wanted to join in..not badgered..as he may have, one day, surprised them and on very rare occasions he joined a group sitting on the edge sometimes just observing but mostly he wandered or slept in a chair. The manager is doing a good job having observed your mum however she also has to realise that she probably is ok too sitting quietly as many do ...some residents do not want constant stimulation and perhaps instead should find more individual activities that she can do with an activity person.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,636
East of England
doesn't want to join in any activities
I have the same concern about my husband who is going to a care home for respite and all he wants to do is sit or lie down either quietly looking at his pictures or listening to music or dozing. So it does worry me that he may be pushed to do things he doesn’t want to do because he is very compliant. We are going next week to work out a care plan for him when I shall try to explain his habits. Perhaps that would be a way forward, to review her care plan with the manager.
 

SewHappy

Registered User
Feb 3, 2019
17
At Mum's care home people seem to join in activities, or not, as they see fit. Sometimes a little encouragement is used and some people watch what is going on and therefore still feel part of a social group. Mum had become very insular and I am surprised how many activities she joins in. I've seen her join willingly or turned up as something is ending and she has enjoyed it. As her dementia progresses she has become more childlike and I think this is why she surprises me sometimes with what she is happy to do.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,141
Maybe they haven't yet got to know your mum, so are not sure if it's her usual behaviour or if they should be encouraging her? I'm sure if you explain she is happy being left to herself they will let that happen.

My mother has been in a care home just over a year, and it took her a while to start joining in, but she is now enthusiastic about most of the activities, and is generally sociable and likes company. However there are a few residents who have been there a long while who are not joiners. One lady chooses to sit on her own in the dining room all day reading a newspaper, so the only time she has company is at meal times. Another is quite unsociable so is often in her room. The staff say it's the residents' home and they can do whatever they like (within reason!)
 

Portia100874

Registered User
Jan 29, 2018
43
Maybe they haven't yet got to know your mum, so are not sure if it's her usual behaviour or if they should be encouraging her? I'm sure if you explain she is happy being left to herself they will let that happen.

My mother has been in a care home just over a year, and it took her a while to start joining in, but she is now enthusiastic about most of the activities, and is generally sociable and likes company. However there are a few residents who have been there a long while who are not joiners. One lady chooses to sit on her own in the dining room all day reading a newspaper, so the only time she has company is at meal times. Another is quite unsociable so is often in her room. The staff say it's the residents' home and they can do whatever they like (within reason!)
She's been there two years so they know what she is like !!
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,141
She's been there two years so they know what she is like !!
You must know the manager quite well by now then, so I'd ask why she has now mentioned it as a problem.

Edit - I see from your other thread that it's a relatively new manager, so it would be a good idea to have a chat with her and ensure she knows your mother's preferences.
 
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