1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,542
    Kent
    What a crass suggestion from the SW Tom. A physio? :rolleyes:

    I just hope the effects of the infection are not permanent and Sylvia will eventually regain her ability to use the stairs and get her language back.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Tom, please don't feel alone.

    I know how you are feeling -- wanting Sylvia to recover her mobility, afraid that you can't manage, and dreading to have to make that awful decision.

    But you're not alone, Tom. Many of us have been in your shoes, and understand how hard it is. Whatever the outcome, we're behind you.

    xxxxx
     
  3. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    2,525
    Dorset
    Dear Tom,
    I was so sorry to read your latest post.
    You must be feeling pretty devastated at the moment.
    I do hope something positive comes from the visit by the SW.
    Thinking of you and Sylvia and sending love,
    Nan XXX
     
  4. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Dear Tom

    So sad to read your last post.
    I can only imagine how you must be feeling

    I too dont want to give you false hope, My mum like many others loved ones ive read on here took a while to a while to regain what she had lost after uti's
    mums strength was often the first to return. as I said before I dont want to give you false hope but I DO hope you see improvement with Sylvia soon

    I also hope that the sw visit today proves helpful for you
     
  5. bigtom

    bigtom Registered User

    Sep 19, 2009
    625
    bolton lancs
    Hi All, The decision has been made for me the SW called early this morning as i was getting syl down stairs and when she saw how hard it was rang other people to come and we had a crisis meeting in our house and i was told no way could i manage syl as she is now so the decision was made for syl to go into respite till we can find a CH to care for sylvia i was told she now needs nurseing care she is at that stage now:eek::eek: the pneumonia has taken so much away :( thank you for all your kind replies.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,542
    Kent
    I`m so sorry Tom.

    I hope when you recover from the shock you`ll be able to understand this was the only way to keep you both safe.
     
  7. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    2,525
    Dorset
    Dear Tom,

    I am so sorry to read your last post and to see that Sylvia now needs nursing care. You must be feeling in somewhat of a state of shock for it all to have happened to quickly.

    I expect you were dreading this situation would arise and put the idea of it from you. It does take an awful long time to get your head round it and accept it. (I am still trying ...)

    I hope you are given some help in finding a home suitable for your dear Sylvia. My thoughts are very much with you.

    Love to you both,
    Nan XXX
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Tom

    That's very much what happened to us, the decision was taken out of my hands.

    On the one hand, it's a relief, but on the other, it's very much a shock to the system. I know you must be feeling punch-drunk just now, and I feel for you.

    But to be positive, when you have Sylvia safely installed in a good CH, you'll be able to enjoy your visits to her without the worries you have at present.

    I hope you find somewhere suitable soon.

    xxxxx
     
  9. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Hiya Tom.

    Just caught up with your posts and can see you are having to face the things that you would rather not have to face.

    Over the years you have done your best for your wife. You have worked for her, helped her, changed your own lifestyle to fit in with the effects of the disease and most of all cared for her to the best of your abilities.

    No one could ask more. Having taken on the role of carer, with all it entails, you have done it willingly and unstintingly, knowing, but hoping it would not be yet, that there would come a time when you have to back off and let the ones with all the resources take over.

    I have yet to meet that time but I hope, when I do, that I can face it with the fortitude and courage that you are showing in your posts.

    It is likely that you are feeling very low right now, which is natural but not deserved. This is now the time to hold your head up and realise that you have done the only thing you could do under the circumstances.

    Please remember that Doncaster is not so very far away and I hope that we can meet again soon for a drink a chat and, yes, probably a cry together.
     
  10. bigtom

    bigtom Registered User

    Sep 19, 2009
    625
    bolton lancs
    Thank you for your replies been sat here at home hopeing that syl will get some of her skills back then i can bring her home, but i know in my heart miracles do not happen, after 49 years together feel so lost, and the start of another chapter in both our lives:confused:
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Tom .... if you weren’t praying for miracles, I’d be more concerned. It surely must be the most natural thing in the world to be doing right now?
    I can’t begin to pretend I understand the devastation you feel right now. From such euphoria of Syl doing so well and getting home from hospital to this .....

    Never give up hope, Tom. Yes, a new chapter. One you didn’t ever want. But perhaps, with time, short trips home ... or out and about may be possible? Syl has done amazingly well to battle the pneumonia and it’s early days, too, for her recuperation. I have everything crossed for you both that a permanent placement of your choosing comes about quickly and then you can start to think about how you restructure your on-going love and care for her.

    Sorry, I can’t credit the person who quoted once here (tried to find it but couldn’t), and it may be out of context but the phrase reflects so much your devotion to Syl: ‘Everything has changed, but nothing has.

    You surely have barely had chance to catch your thoughts these last couple of weeks - so much has happened so quickly?

    PLEASE take care, love, Kaz, X
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,575
    Female
    Dundee
    Tom I'm so sorry about the latest developments. Thinking of you and Sylvia. x
     
  13. scarletpauline

    scarletpauline Registered User

    Jul 19, 2009
    5,080
    Leicestershire
    Sending you love and hugs xxxxxxxx
     
  14. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Dear Tom
    I know you must be shell shocked to say the least , my heart goes out to you .

    I HEARTILY agree with everything everyone has said to you on here,

    You have donr more than your best and tried so very hard !!! , dont you ever doubt that

    When Sylvia goes into respite , you will be involved in looking for somewhere suitable and nice for sylvia to live , but I plead with you that you take time for yourself too , you need time to recover .
     
  15. fredsnail

    fredsnail Registered User

    Dec 21, 2008
    649
    Tom you've done everything you could, you will feel lost and miss Sylvia - but as you say it is a new chapter for both of you.

    Good luck.
     
  16. bigtom

    bigtom Registered User

    Sep 19, 2009
    625
    bolton lancs
    Hi all, today i took Sylvia to her care home, and it hit me this is so final this is where syl will spend the rest of her days,and my time of careing has come to an end, she now needs others to do this:confused: But i know she will be well cared for and the home is only 10 mins from our house so will be easy to visit Syl. I would like to say a big thank you to all the wonderful people who have given so much support on our journey with this illness to us both.
     
  17. imac.girll1

    imac.girll1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2009
    2,974
    Glasgow
    Oh Tom, it isnt an end to your caring role, it just changes slightly.

    You get the nicer bits, the gentle visits etc.

    Much strength and don't disappear, your knowledge is invaluable.

    x
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Tom, your time of caring hasn't come to an end, you just have new caring partners.:)

    Believe me, Sylvia needs you as much as she ever did, it's just that someone else will do the hard bits, while you get to enjoy spending time with her.

    I know it's hard, but you've done wonders to keep Sylvia at home so long. Take some time for yourself now.:)

    Love,
     
  19. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Tom I do hope that support can continue into the next stage of Sylvia's dementia journey.

    I have experienced that sadness of handing over care of someone you loved so much.

    Hopefully you will build up a good relationship with the folk who care for Sylvia. It makes such a difference expecially when you have an issue to raise with them.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how things are with you both.
     
  20. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,575
    Female
    Dundee
    I know I can't speak from experience but I know the others who are in your situation will support and help you - but you already know that! Thinking of you and Syl. xx
     

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