1. tubsbilbo

    tubsbilbo Registered User

    Nov 13, 2016
    My mother repeats the same old stuff over and over again within minutes if not seconds e.g. I mention my son's children every time i speak to her on the phone once a week and whenever i talk about them and she responds as if it is new information everytime. My mother will ask the same question over and over again not remembering that she has said the same thing several times before.

    Her memory has been tested, because she has talked in the past couple of years of being asked various questions testing her memory by someone who has visited her. I have written a number of letters to her GP expressing my concern about her memory and my suspicions that she has dementia and i have unsuccessfully tried to visit my mum's GP (with my mum) to get a formal diagnosis. The GP will not release any information about my mother regarding her medical history. I'm sure that the medical profession are monitoring her, but i cannot get hold of any details about this monitoring process. Her partner that lives with her, insists that her memory loss is due to the effect of my father passing away over 4 years ago and is in denial about any possibility it could be dementia. If i speak to him about it, he will say that she has passed all the memory tests and she does not have dementia.

    Both my sisters think that my mother has dementia and are equally frustrated about not being able to get positive confirmation about a diagnosis. At least my mother is living with a very caring and tolerant partner which alleviates some of the worry about my mother's condition.

    Could you suggest how i can obtain more information from my mother's GP ( i have Power of Attorney which cannot be activated due to my mother being able to make decisions for herself)

    My other concern is that my sister has recently been diagnosed with liver cancer and she is concerned as to how to share this information with my mother and the effect it will have on her.

  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello and welcome @tubsbilbo.

    If your mother does have dementia sharing bad news may not be a good idea. In any case, if her memory is as bad as you fear she will forget. Worse still, people with dementia often show little in the way of empathy and that may upset your sister.

    If your mother is doing well with a good partner I don't think a diagnosis will help much, although some meds or support may become available via the diagnosis. If your mother has capacity you cannot force anything and you may just have to wait for things to develop, as is often the case.

    If you want to do some research do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list. If you are interested in this, clicking the following link will take you there

  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @tubsbilbo
    a warm welcome to posting on TP - now you've started, I hope you'll continue ….
    it's so tricky being in your situation - as you say, your mother has capacity and so the GP has to be aware of patient confidentiality, and it's tricky for them to act against their patient's wishes or without their permission - however, the GP will also note any information you offer, so I'd keep drip feeding any concerns and observations you have so at least the GP has a fuller picture of your mother's situation than she and her partner may divulge and may be able to act on this in the future

    so sorry to hear of your sister's diagnosis - might you almost casually mention this to your mother and her partner and see how your mother reacts, then take your cue from her as to whether you discuss in more depth
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Did anyone go with her when she went to see the GP about her memory problems? If not, your mum might not be giving accurate reports about what the doctor said. Usually, if the GP has concerns about someone having dementia they will refer them to the memory clinic. I dont know whether this has been done and/or whether your mum has attended. It is even possible that your mum does in fact have a diagnosis, but your mum doesnt want anyone to know about it. Quite often the person with dementia is in denial, or is unable to comprehend that there is a problem, and forbids everyone to tell anyone.

    At this stage there is probably not much that you can do. As long as her partner is caring for her Social Services wont want to know. Do be prepared to help though if her partner shows signs of not coping.

    Im sorry to hear about your sister. You could tell her once, but if she forgets, then I wouldnt tell her again.
  5. tubsbilbo

    tubsbilbo Registered User

    Nov 13, 2016
    Thanks for the advice about keeping in contact with my mother's GP. I'm sure that her GP is fully aware of the situation and is monitoring my mother and her partner is very supportive towards her.
    I have spoken to her partner about my sister and he is willing to share with my mother about my sister at the right time and to keep in touch with me. I have received various advice from different people who have experienced dementia with a relative and the advice is either not to share the information however serious, or as you say to casually mention it knowing that she will not remember the conversation
  6. tubsbilbo

    tubsbilbo Registered User

    Nov 13, 2016
    Hi, yes my mother's partner went with her to memory clinic and they both came out with the same story that my mother did not have dementia and it was all to do with my father dying a few years back. I'm sure that the GP knows that there is a problem and she is being monitored, but as i live along way from her it is hard to know what is going on and therefore relying on feedback from her partner. It is so obvious that there is a problem that i wonder if there is a denial element.

    Her partner is in contact with me and i'm sure he would let me know if it got to the stage where he was not coping and needed help and support.
  7. El31

    El31 Registered User

    May 21, 2018
    I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and sister.
    I have been worried about my mum for past few years and it took for me to be really quite harsh on her and saying how worried we all are and why doesn’t she just prove us all wrong by going doctors.. she finally agreed and I went with her this morning. She passed the memory test but they are sending her for more blood tests which if they come back clear they will refer her to memory clinic for further assessment. I told GP all my concerns which i felt awful doing in front of my mum but I knew I had to do it. Luckily the GP was super lovely and supportive. Good luck x
  8. tubsbilbo

    tubsbilbo Registered User

    Nov 13, 2016
    Thanks for that

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