Hello
@Peony21
I had a friend who lived a two hour drive from her mothers care home. She had a wonderful relationship with her mother but worked full time and had teenage daughters so still only managed to visit fortnightly and even that exhausted her.
You can only do what you can even if it`s a compromise between your physical and emotional health and reassurance for your mother. It is not for the care staff to judge you They are not living your life. You probably visit more times than many
I had a difficult relationship with my mother who was also a narcissist. Her favourite saying was she was number one in her life and when her own mother was in need of care she was happy to allow me to take responsibility.
When my mother developed dementia it was down to me because my sister didn’t want to know I made sure everything was in order to keep her safe and well looked after and I visited weekly because I lived locally, but only stayed a short time.
It didn’t matter if the staff were judgmental towards me. They had no idea of my family history.
All I can say to you is stop feeling awful. Do what you can and what you choose to do. Look after your own self as a priority.
There is nothing to be gained by living with guilt