supporting someone in denial

libby w yorks

Registered User
Sep 15, 2004
batley, west yorks
How can I deal with a mother in law who denies there is anything wrong but is now becoming a danger to herself and her husband. She forgets what she is cooking, leaves the externall door unlocked and has no idea that her clothes have not been washed for weeks. Additionally she has sight problems, as does her husband
Her husband is frail and we really have to consider a care home but how do I tell them???
I did get them to day care once which they said they enjoyed but refused to go again unless I went with them!!


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Oh Libby this is such an awful time for you. My mum did this too. I found her GP was my first ally, write to your parents GP(S) and go and speak to them. if neccessary, ask for a referal to a specialist for your mum if the GP is not much help. The specialist will be able to assess your mum and help you if a home is the only answer.But your first stop is the GP. Start keeping a diary of what happens with your parents each day, especially things which are dangerous etc. Armed with this and after speaking to the GP, they should request to see your mum I should think. They will check out what is going on, because there are things that it could be that can be corrected. But, and if neccessary the GP could arrange a visit to a specialist. Keep us informed and good luck. Love, She. XX


Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Libby,

Have a look at the Initial Care Pack info, posted as a sticky here on the TP Forum. 'Next Steps' may help. Of course the first step is definitely with the GP, as Sheila says.

Installation of some smoke alarms may also be useful at this stage too. My mother used to begin cooking and then forget all about it - not a good situation at all.

You also might think about having a 'panic system' fitted. These can be obtained by contacting your local authority. The rental is around £2 a month but very worthwhile in case of an emergency of any type.

These things may help in the interim.

Good luck and keep posting.

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