1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Laura81

    Laura81 Registered User

    Jun 8, 2008
    1
    Horsham, West Sussex
    Hi,

    My fiancee's mum is 54 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers last year, she is rapidly getting worse and his father is finding it very hard as all of us are too. His dad retired early in december to become her full time carer and watching his wife day by day get worse is killing him. As this is new to all of us i wanted to see what type of support there is for us as family to cope with this. His mum is at the stage where things are very confusing for her and she seems to be in her own world a lot of the time and is starting to lie a lot and behave very child like, its heart breaking to see and believe this is happening. I know my fiancee finds it so hard as he says his mum has gone and its hard for him to see her like this. I have read a lot of forum chats and its amazing to see how many people there are out there going through the same thing so if anyone has any advice that would be great to hear.

    Thanks.
    Laura :)
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Hello Laura

    I have moved your post into the Younger section as I think you will get more replies here.

    Many people who develop Alzheimers at a really young age seem to deteriorate rapidly and I can only imagine how upsetting it is.

    There are many members of talking Point [TP] who are caring for young parents and partners. I hope they will help you to find the support available.

    Love xx
     
  3. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    Hi Laura,
    I am so sorry to read about your fiance's mum, it must have come as a terrible blow to you all. I care for my husband, who is also very young (55) this is complicated by the fact that out children are also very young (10 & 8).

    What I have found is that you generally have to look for the support.

    I would recommend getting in touch with your local Alzheimer's Society. One of the most useful things I found was the 9 week Caring and Coping Course that they ran. It covered everything from eating to benefits. And more importantly you are able to talk to others in the same boat. You don'e need to be the main carer to attend.

    Also get in touch with her socical worker, if one hasn't been appointed speak to her consultant or contact Social Services yourself. They will enssure that the family is claiming all relevent benefits and give access to any services they run.

    In addition contact your local Crossroads as they may be able to arrange some respite for future father-in-law so that he can go to the shops, visit friends etc.

    And keep posting here as there is a wealth of support

    Love
    Jackie
     
  4. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Hi Laura,

    I have noticed your post for three days now, and have seen that you are not getting many replies and I know how disheartening that can be so am replying now.
    The reason I haven't replied until now is as my Dad has had this disease for 11yrs now and got it when he was around 53...so when you asked if anyone had advice I really didn't know what to say, because I guess there is so much I could say. Does that make any sense?
    But I am writing now because I don't want you to walk away from this forum thinking, well pretty much nobody replied, what good is that?
    This forum can be very useful, and a great support network when things are tough so don't give up on it at this early point. I would follow Jackie's advice and read up as much as you can on services that are available to help, what to expect etc and then if you have more specific questions I am sure there will be plenty here who can offer if not their advice their experiences when they have confronted similar circumstances. As I am from Australia I don't know what is available regarding social services etc where you are otherwise I would explain more regarding that...but I guess your family needs to look into whether you have arranged a Power of Attourney for your mother in law, and finding respite opportunities for your father in law. Again as Jackie said probably your first port of call is your local Alzheimer's society. Otherwise if you are looking for some emotional support or if you are worried about how this is affecting your hubbie, then don't be afraid to post your thoughts here and see what other people think, because most of us are either going through it ourselves or have been through it already.
    Hope you found your post since its been reallocated.
    Best wishes,
     
  5. VIB35

    VIB35 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    27
    Herts
    Hi there, sorry to hear about your future MIL. My mother is 64 and has had early onset dementia for 4 yrs. At the beginning we spoke to the local Alzheimers society who were helpful. Then we used carers from Crossroads and Care Uk to help with the morning routine etc and now we are using full time carers from Allied Healthcare and also from word of mouth. We have 2 fantastic carers who are so patient and understanding but it has taken time to find them and we've had several unsuitable ones too which has been hard. Deterioration has been really quick and we're now looking at care homes which is totally heartbreaking. I'd look into carers sooner rather than later so that your father in law gets a break - it is so exhausting living with this terrible illness 24/7. We do get some financial help via the direct payment scheme so you should look into this too. It all takes so much time. Good luck, any questions, please do ask. It helps talking to people who know what you're going through.
     
  6. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Laura,
    When my husband was diagnoised at 58 my first port of call was my local Alzheimer's Branch.
    There are plenty of fact sheets available on the main page.
    Unfortunately, the under 65's in my experience show they do go down hill more rapidly than the older generation.
    Please continue reading and posting on Talking Point.
    Wishing you all the best
    Christine
     
  7. louise@weinprop

    louise@weinprop Registered User

    May 12, 2005
    22
    Dear Laura - I know just what your father-in-law is going through. My husband was diagnosed at 57 and now at 62 I have had to put him in a home as I have to work, we do not get any social help in this country (South Africa). For the past year I had him in day care at the same home, so he got used to the layout and the people around him, but he has only been in full time care for a couple of days and I feel as though I am dying inside. He is unable to dress himself, or go to the toilet on his own, and had lost most of his speech abilities so I was just simply exhausted both physically and emotionally. The bottom line is although we want to look after our loved ones ourselves, sometimes it is in the best interest of all the family to leave it to the professionals and just be there to show love and care without all the pressure. For our children to see both parents suffering is just not fair, and for that reason we have to make tough decisions. I pray your father-in-law has the strength to make the right decision and may God Bless your family through this very trying time.
    Louise
     
  8. salacious

    salacious Registered User

    May 25, 2008
    62
    west midlands
    hi

    hello laura,
    i just wanted to say im very sorry to hear about ur fiancees mother, it is hard and it will be hard for a long time. i think the best advice i could give you is to get your fiance on here, he will benefit talking to people himself, and his father also. just remind him that he is not alone, i once heard a lovely quote.....
    "if looking back hurts you and looking forward scares you, then look beside you, and ill be standing right there"
     

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