1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Hello everyone,

    I feel like I've reached the end of my tether - I know I'll pull myself together tomorrow and continue to plough on but right now I just feel like I can't take anymore.

    After dad cancelled mum's emergency brain scan we've got a new appointment through for Tuesday which she is saying she won't go to. Heaven only knows how but I'm going to get her by hell or high water because things can't carry on like this.

    To top it all off I've just been told that my two year old daughter also needs to go for a brain scan as she has action tremors and they think it must be caused by pressure/growth in her brain.

    I think I'm losing my mind and if I never hear the words "brain scan" again it'll be too soon.

    I keep thinking of the phrase "when you've reached the end of your tether tie a knot in it and hold on" - I think I'm clinging on by my teeth!!
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,112
    Toronto, Canada
    Hold on!

    I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a distressing time. To have to deal with brain scan for both your mother and daughter is mind-boggling.

    About Tuesday, can you lie to your mother? You can always use the tack that the brain scan is the best thing to prove there is nothing wrong with her - I'm assuming here that she says that. Or just some outright lie. You'll have to be very stern with your dad. I do feel sorry for him as he does seem to be in denial. That is common for spouses at the beginning - my stepfather was the same way with my mother. It took about a year before he admitted there was something wrong.

    When is your daughter going for her brain scan? It's so difficult & my heart goes out to you. She's only two, that's just a baby girl.

    Take care & much love.
     
  3. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    563
    nuneaton
    Hello Kate,

    You are in need of hugs and kisses right now, especially regarding your daughter, I do hope it isn't too serious.
    Don't prwarn your Mum about the scan, tell her it's been cancelled and then when Tuesday comes, say you are taking her out, make something up.

    Hang on in there, you are a MUM too and although your MUM needs you, so does your Daughter, that is enough to cling on to.

    My best wishes and HUGS are winging there way to you

    Love Janetruth x
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,596
    Kent
    Dear Kate,

    Good advice from Joanne and janetruth, don`t discuss Tuesday`s appointment with your mother and ask your father not to mention it either. Just take her.

    Then you will be able to concentrate on your little girl. What a terrible worry for you. I hope with all my heart it is somehting that can be sorted with as little upset as possible.

    There isn`t much more I can say, except you certainly are getting more than your share of worry and I feel for you.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  5. Sara M

    Sara M Registered User

    Aug 16, 2007
    3
    Dear Kate

    So sorry that you are having such a hideous time. Not sure what to say except that I hope things settle down and work out for you and your daughter.As a mother of a 4 and a 5yr old my heart goes out to you. If you can, try not to think of all the worst possible outcomes, wait for facts i.e outcome of scan etc that hopefully will be positive and DO NOT get on the internet! Talk to a decent Paediatrician for the actual facts that relate to your daughter - they are the only ones that matter.

    I know how you feel with regard to your parents - I am trying to put things in place to try and stop my father going under with the pressure of dealing with my mothers AZ diagnosis - he is in denial and defensive and so unconstructive.

    You sound like a very caring person, (and you must want to say I don't want to be caring anymore! - I want someone to take all this rubbish off my shoulders!), but try and stay as calm as you can.

    Sending you loads of hugs and hang on there - you're are doing a fabulous job.

    Sara M xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  6. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Oh Kate

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Life never ever throws things at us gently..they always come along together when we think that we can't take anymore and we always manage.......somehow!

    I would just not tell your Mum and take her along on Tuesday as if on an outing! Hopefully things will also be resolved very quickly for your daughter too..but the anguish of the unknown is always the worst.

    Thinking of you

    Love

    Mameeskye
     
  7. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Kate,

    I'm so sorry you are going through so much all at once. It is especially worrying for you about your little daughter.

    I looked up intention tremors in children and found this link which may be useful for you.

    http://www.mdvu.org/library/pediatric/tremor/

    I'll be thinking of you and am sending you every best wish in the world for a good outcome to her tests.

    In the meantime, these are for you:

    {{{HUGS}}}
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Aug 18, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2007
    When the going get tough , the tough get going meaning strong minded .

    That was my Mantra when I was told my daughter had a tremor in the brain , which turn out that it was epilepsy .

    I can imagine that your mind must be running two to a dozen with worry , also with your mother not wanting brain scan .

    sounds like good advice from Joanne
    if that does not work , I would switch of from worrying about getting brain scan for mum , just leave my energy for my daughter and brain scan . she would be my first priority.

    Then when all is sorted out with daughter brain scan, no what really going on in my daughter bran , see if I have any energy left, because the shock of knowing what your daughter has can really leave you drain of energy , depressed .

    your mother got your father at the end of the day its they life . your daughter got you , so needs you now .

    Its up to you anyway , wishing you all the best for tuesday, hoping lie works
     
  9. cris

    cris Registered User

    Aug 23, 2006
    326
    Chelmsford
    I would not tell your mum about Tuesdays scan. Ask her to come with & help YOU in the hospital. She may well have forgotten that it is for her and when the nurse calls her name she may, just may, comply with someone else's request. I find very often Susan will do lots of things for someone else, but not for "silly ol me". ( She often tells me I need to see someone ).
    cris
     
  10. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    When Jean has to face somehting that she does not want to do, I always pick her favourite person at that time and tell her that it is them that would like you to do it.

    At the moment, her favourite person is the new Doctor, young and blue eyed. Next week it could be one of the people at the day centre or a different postman.

    Incidentally, i don't look on this as lying, more prefrabrication of the truth.

    I do sympathise with your dilemma and have sincere hopes that your daughter comes through this OK.
     
  11. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    Oh Kate, I wish I could give you a (((((hug)))) you have so much to deal with at the moment.

    Is there anyone else that could take your mum on Tuesday while you concentrate on your daughter?

    Love
    Jackie
    xxx
     
  12. sheena

    sheena Registered User

    Aug 4, 2007
    22
    So sorry for your difficulties just now it must be hard but we are all thinking about you.

    Could you perhaps try to suggest to your mum that she goes for the scan as an example and encouragement for her granddaughter.

    Thinking of you on Tuesday especially.

    Sheena
     
  13. annesharlie

    annesharlie Registered User

    I'm not sure what to say, other than I am thinking about you and send love and good wishes your way. It is so very hard when I child faces a health crisis, I remember my little girl at 18 months old was very very ill, and in that period of time before we knew exactly what it was, the wait was just too awful for words. Somehow the uncertainty of it is very stressful - I do hope very much it they don't find anything of concern in the scan. Certainly you should not feel guilty if your time and energy for your mom is limited for the moment.

    Anne
     
  14. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Thank you all so much for your support and advice.

    I'm feeling much calmer today and feeling ready to plough on again and get through this.

    Luckily, I have generous family who have agreed to pay for my daughter to go private so hopefully we won't have to wait so long for answers.

    On a positive note you realise how many good friends and family you have when the chips are down and so may people (including you lot! :) ) have come through for us this weekend and that means a lot.

    Dad has already told mum about her scan (he doesn't like lieing to her :eek: ) but I think he's used my daughter's scan as a calming measure - if she can do it so can mum.

    Mum didn't take it well at first and threw her shoes at us both, which was interesting but her reflexes are quite slow so she missed us!!:)

    Again, thank you all - the virtual hugs are as comforting to me as a physical one.

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  15. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Just to wish you good luck for today. I do hope that it goes OK.

    ((((hugs))))

    Mameeskye
     
  16. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Kate
    I've just caught up with your thread

    I'm so sorry to hear of your problems and I wish you all the very best for today

    Love xx
     
  17. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hope all went well today.keep us posted.love elainex
     
  18. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Where to turn

    Dear Kate,
    I am so sorry to hear about your little girl. My heart goes out to you. What I am about to write my seem callous but you have to prorities. I don't think your parent will change their mind. What you have to now concentrate on is your daughter. As a Mother to 4 grown up children and 6 Grandchildren, I would have to put their needs over my husband. Getting her scan and then the results at least in that direction she is so young and has a life before her. Do you have any other members of your family that can deal with your Mother's scan ? Do not feel guilt as if you are torn between the two. Your daughter's well being comes first. If I was in your position and I had Alzheimers and one of my Grandchildren had that to go through, my children know the Grandchildren come before me. I have been disabled for 21 years. Three of my 4 children leave withing 5 minutes from me, always checking almost daily on me but when the Grandchildren are ill, they come first. Jamie now 8, at birth his heart stopped, checks for menagitas, leaukemia, so in the first 18 months of his life live in and out of hospital. Now he is a healthy football mad youngster, full of energy. I will be thinking of you and your daughter and I wish you all the very best. God Bless. Christine
     

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