• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Support needed today...

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
Merseyside
Hello everyone,

I feel like I've reached the end of my tether - I know I'll pull myself together tomorrow and continue to plough on but right now I just feel like I can't take anymore.

After dad cancelled mum's emergency brain scan we've got a new appointment through for Tuesday which she is saying she won't go to. Heaven only knows how but I'm going to get her by hell or high water because things can't carry on like this.

To top it all off I've just been told that my two year old daughter also needs to go for a brain scan as she has action tremors and they think it must be caused by pressure/growth in her brain.

I think I'm losing my mind and if I never hear the words "brain scan" again it'll be too soon.

I keep thinking of the phrase "when you've reached the end of your tether tie a knot in it and hold on" - I think I'm clinging on by my teeth!!
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,643
66
Toronto, Canada
Hold on!

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a distressing time. To have to deal with brain scan for both your mother and daughter is mind-boggling.

About Tuesday, can you lie to your mother? You can always use the tack that the brain scan is the best thing to prove there is nothing wrong with her - I'm assuming here that she says that. Or just some outright lie. You'll have to be very stern with your dad. I do feel sorry for him as he does seem to be in denial. That is common for spouses at the beginning - my stepfather was the same way with my mother. It took about a year before he admitted there was something wrong.

When is your daughter going for her brain scan? It's so difficult & my heart goes out to you. She's only two, that's just a baby girl.

Take care & much love.
 

janetruth

Registered User
Mar 20, 2007
563
nuneaton
Hello Kate,

You are in need of hugs and kisses right now, especially regarding your daughter, I do hope it isn't too serious.
Don't prwarn your Mum about the scan, tell her it's been cancelled and then when Tuesday comes, say you are taking her out, make something up.

Hang on in there, you are a MUM too and although your MUM needs you, so does your Daughter, that is enough to cling on to.

My best wishes and HUGS are winging there way to you

Love Janetruth x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,740
Kent
Dear Kate,

Good advice from Joanne and janetruth, don`t discuss Tuesday`s appointment with your mother and ask your father not to mention it either. Just take her.

Then you will be able to concentrate on your little girl. What a terrible worry for you. I hope with all my heart it is somehting that can be sorted with as little upset as possible.

There isn`t much more I can say, except you certainly are getting more than your share of worry and I feel for you.

Take care

Love xx
 

Sara M

Registered User
Aug 16, 2007
3
Dear Kate

So sorry that you are having such a hideous time. Not sure what to say except that I hope things settle down and work out for you and your daughter.As a mother of a 4 and a 5yr old my heart goes out to you. If you can, try not to think of all the worst possible outcomes, wait for facts i.e outcome of scan etc that hopefully will be positive and DO NOT get on the internet! Talk to a decent Paediatrician for the actual facts that relate to your daughter - they are the only ones that matter.

I know how you feel with regard to your parents - I am trying to put things in place to try and stop my father going under with the pressure of dealing with my mothers AZ diagnosis - he is in denial and defensive and so unconstructive.

You sound like a very caring person, (and you must want to say I don't want to be caring anymore! - I want someone to take all this rubbish off my shoulders!), but try and stay as calm as you can.

Sending you loads of hugs and hang on there - you're are doing a fabulous job.

Sara M xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
56
NZ
Oh Kate

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Life never ever throws things at us gently..they always come along together when we think that we can't take anymore and we always manage.......somehow!

I would just not tell your Mum and take her along on Tuesday as if on an outing! Hopefully things will also be resolved very quickly for your daughter too..but the anguish of the unknown is always the worst.

Thinking of you

Love

Mameeskye
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Kate,

I'm so sorry you are going through so much all at once. It is especially worrying for you about your little daughter.

I looked up intention tremors in children and found this link which may be useful for you.

http://www.mdvu.org/library/pediatric/tremor/

I'll be thinking of you and am sending you every best wish in the world for a good outcome to her tests.

In the meantime, these are for you:

{{{HUGS}}}
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
When the going get tough , the tough get going meaning strong minded .

That was my Mantra when I was told my daughter had a tremor in the brain , which turn out that it was epilepsy .

I can imagine that your mind must be running two to a dozen with worry , also with your mother not wanting brain scan .

sounds like good advice from Joanne
About Tuesday, can you lie to your mother? You can always use the tack that the brain scan is the best thing to prove there is nothing wrong with her
if that does not work , I would switch of from worrying about getting brain scan for mum , just leave my energy for my daughter and brain scan . she would be my first priority.

Then when all is sorted out with daughter brain scan, no what really going on in my daughter bran , see if I have any energy left, because the shock of knowing what your daughter has can really leave you drain of energy , depressed .

your mother got your father at the end of the day its they life . your daughter got you , so needs you now .

Its up to you anyway , wishing you all the best for tuesday, hoping lie works
 
Last edited:

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
I would not tell your mum about Tuesdays scan. Ask her to come with & help YOU in the hospital. She may well have forgotten that it is for her and when the nurse calls her name she may, just may, comply with someone else's request. I find very often Susan will do lots of things for someone else, but not for "silly ol me". ( She often tells me I need to see someone ).
cris
 

Grommit

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
2,127
Doncaster
When Jean has to face somehting that she does not want to do, I always pick her favourite person at that time and tell her that it is them that would like you to do it.

At the moment, her favourite person is the new Doctor, young and blue eyed. Next week it could be one of the people at the day centre or a different postman.

Incidentally, i don't look on this as lying, more prefrabrication of the truth.

I do sympathise with your dilemma and have sincere hopes that your daughter comes through this OK.
 

jackie1

Registered User
Jun 6, 2007
238
Cheshire
Oh Kate, I wish I could give you a (((((hug)))) you have so much to deal with at the moment.

Is there anyone else that could take your mum on Tuesday while you concentrate on your daughter?

Love
Jackie
xxx
 

sheena

Registered User
Aug 4, 2007
22
So sorry for your difficulties just now it must be hard but we are all thinking about you.

Could you perhaps try to suggest to your mum that she goes for the scan as an example and encouragement for her granddaughter.

Thinking of you on Tuesday especially.

Sheena
 

annesharlie

Registered User
Apr 10, 2007
80
Vancouver Island, Canada
I'm not sure what to say, other than I am thinking about you and send love and good wishes your way. It is so very hard when I child faces a health crisis, I remember my little girl at 18 months old was very very ill, and in that period of time before we knew exactly what it was, the wait was just too awful for words. Somehow the uncertainty of it is very stressful - I do hope very much it they don't find anything of concern in the scan. Certainly you should not feel guilty if your time and energy for your mom is limited for the moment.

Anne
 

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
565
Merseyside
Thank you all so much for your support and advice.

I'm feeling much calmer today and feeling ready to plough on again and get through this.

Luckily, I have generous family who have agreed to pay for my daughter to go private so hopefully we won't have to wait so long for answers.

On a positive note you realise how many good friends and family you have when the chips are down and so may people (including you lot! :) ) have come through for us this weekend and that means a lot.

Dad has already told mum about her scan (he doesn't like lieing to her :eek: ) but I think he's used my daughter's scan as a calming measure - if she can do it so can mum.

Mum didn't take it well at first and threw her shoes at us both, which was interesting but her reflexes are quite slow so she missed us!!:)

Again, thank you all - the virtual hugs are as comforting to me as a physical one.

Kate P
XXX
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Kate
I've just caught up with your thread

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems and I wish you all the very best for today

Love xx
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Where to turn

Dear Kate,
I am so sorry to hear about your little girl. My heart goes out to you. What I am about to write my seem callous but you have to prorities. I don't think your parent will change their mind. What you have to now concentrate on is your daughter. As a Mother to 4 grown up children and 6 Grandchildren, I would have to put their needs over my husband. Getting her scan and then the results at least in that direction she is so young and has a life before her. Do you have any other members of your family that can deal with your Mother's scan ? Do not feel guilt as if you are torn between the two. Your daughter's well being comes first. If I was in your position and I had Alzheimers and one of my Grandchildren had that to go through, my children know the Grandchildren come before me. I have been disabled for 21 years. Three of my 4 children leave withing 5 minutes from me, always checking almost daily on me but when the Grandchildren are ill, they come first. Jamie now 8, at birth his heart stopped, checks for menagitas, leaukemia, so in the first 18 months of his life live in and out of hospital. Now he is a healthy football mad youngster, full of energy. I will be thinking of you and your daughter and I wish you all the very best. God Bless. Christine
 

Recent Threads

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,007
Messages
1,696,591
Members
66,817
Latest member
Tetram67