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Support Line Closed and I need help!!

Chocco

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
75
0
AS website says support line is open till 10pm but just tried them and it's closed!!
I'm in the bathroom just to get away from OH - I just don't know how to deal with his thinking there are 2 of me and all sorts of 'other people' wondering around the house when in reality it is just me. I drove us into town today and he spent the whole 40 minutes asking where the 'other girl' is and how do I make the arrangements for her and the fella to come and do the jobs around the house and how much do I pay them ( 'they' are me )
Then tonight he's just come down from the shower and asked where Sandra (me) is, how long have I been here, what have I been told to do. He went back upstairs to see if Sandra was there and can't understand where she's got to and surely I should know.
2 nights ago he said he was going to bed so it was time I went. He wouldn't have it that I was actually Sandra and was quite insistant that I should leave the house. In the end I said I would go but just needed to sort the cats and dog out first so he might as well go up to bed.
I just don't know how to answer his questions! I have tried going along with it before saying I live down the road or that my name was Steve but it all just backfires on me. I've recently been saying 'I don't know' a lot and trying to distract him by changing the subject but when he then recognises it is actually me he tells me that 'the others' are shifty because they don't answer his questions and he thinks they are up to no good. Today, he reckoned our 80 year old neighbour might be "in on it"
Any advice please?
 

Andrew_McP

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
323
0
South Northwest
Bless you, that stage is absolutely horrible to have to deal with. The advice I had when my mother was manic and threatening and totally confused was to call the Police... which, while always an option if you're worried, and gets your situation logged with social services (an important stepping stone to more help) doesn't really feel like help. Nobody wants to call the Police on a confused loved one.

I used to just agree with whatever my mother said to try and draw her confusion and anger out... make her feel like I was on her side. But thinking on your feet is hard. I'd change clothes and put a hat on, then come back into the house, letting her hear my voice first (which she recognised more than my face) and...

I'm struggling for better thoughts in a hurry. So I'll post now and then at least you've had some "advice" fairly promptly.
 

Lindap

New member
Dec 29, 2021
4
0
AS website says support line is open till 10pm but just tried them and it's closed!!
I'm in the bathroom just to get away from OH - I just don't know how to deal with his thinking there are 2 of me and all sorts of 'other people' wondering around the house when in reality it is just me. I drove us into town today and he spent the whole 40 minutes asking where the 'other girl' is and how do I make the arrangements for her and the fella to come and do the jobs around the house and how much do I pay them ( 'they' are me )
Then tonight he's just come down from the shower and asked where Sandra (me) is, how long have I been here, what have I been told to do. He went back upstairs to see if Sandra was there and can't understand where she's got to and surely I should know.
2 nights ago he said he was going to bed so it was time I went. He wouldn't have it that I was actually Sandra and was quite insistant that I should leave the house. In the end I said I would go but just needed to sort the cats and dog out first so he might as well go up to bed.
I just don't know how to answer his questions! I have tried going along with it before saying I live down the road or that my name was Steve but it all just backfires on me. I've recently been saying 'I don't know' a lot and trying to distract him by changing the subject but when he then recognises it is actually me he tells me that 'the others' are shifty because they don't answer his questions and he thinks they are up to no good. Today, he reckoned our 80 year old neighbour might be "in on it"
Any advice please?
I’ve no idea what to say except our social services have a 24 hour crisis number to call. Might be worth finding that if you can’t find it on line I’m pretty sure the police or ambulance service may have it for you. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you Right now.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,833
0
South coast
If it becomes impossible to cope, please call the police. It sounds a terrible, drastic thing to do, but not only will they send a report to Social Services, they also have the authority to contact the emergency psychiatric team
 

Chocco

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
75
0
Bless you, that stage is absolutely horrible to have to deal with. The advice I had when my mother was manic and threatening and totally confused was to call the Police... which, while always an option if you're worried, and gets your situation logged with social services (an important stepping stone to more help) doesn't really feel like help. Nobody wants to call the Police on a confused loved one.

I used to just agree with whatever my mother said to try and draw her confusion and anger out... make her feel like I was on her side. But thinking on your feet is hard. I'd change clothes and put a hat on, then come back into the house, letting her hear my voice first (which she recognised more than my face) and...

I'm struggling for better thoughts in a hurry. So I'll post now and then at least you've had some "advice" fairly promptly.
Thank you @
Bless you, that stage is absolutely horrible to have to deal with. The advice I had when my mother was manic and threatening and totally confused was to call the Police... which, while always an option if you're worried, and gets your situation logged with social services (an important stepping stone to more help) doesn't really feel like help. Nobody wants to call the Police on a confused loved one.

I used to just agree with whatever my mother said to try and draw her confusion and anger out... make her feel like I was on her side. But thinking on your feet is hard. I'd change clothes and put a hat on, then come back into the house, letting her hear my voice first (which she recognised more than my face) and...

I'm struggling for better thoughts in a hurry. So I'll post now and then at least you've had some "advice"
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,319
0
Midlands
If things are getting difficult, just make sure you keep your mobile about you, and identify your 'safe' place - bathroom is good, the door normally locks- where you can keep yourself safe if he starts getting really upset.

Call the police if you need to- they are really good and will help you.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,281
0
Kent
Don`t worry about replying to everyone individually @Chocco.. Just worry about yourself.

Do you have a number for emergency Social Services? Your OH is deeply confused and not responsible for his behaviour. There is no safety or security for you and you cannot be expected to manage this behaviour.

When I search emergency social services it only gives my area. Please search for your own area and see if you can get any help.
 

Chocco

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
75
0
Don`t worry about replying to everyone individually @Chocco.. Just worry about yourself.

Do you have a number for emergency Social Services? Your OH is deeply confused and not responsible for his behaviour. There is no safety or security for you and you cannot be expected to manage this behaviour.

When I search emergency social services it only gives my area. Please search for your own area and see if you can get any help.
Will take that all on board, thanks for the advice everyone.
 

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
561
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
I think that sometimes a uniformed person (Police or Ambo) is all it takes for the PWD to feel they're being taken seriously and calm themselves. And if they need more help then that uniformed person is in a position to obtain that help that we, the carer, in all our shredded and torn apart selves, can do in that moment of need.
 

Amarylis

New member
May 20, 2018
5
0
Reading your situation is so similar to mine and I regularly feel that I have had enough. All I know is that my OH cannot keep anything in his head for two seconds but he is very able to sense my feelings; he just agrees because he thinks that is what I want in that situation. It is frustrating but it is up to me to think of what is best and so we go on.

Now what to say when he wonders who I am. I say the truth, that I am his wife and the name on the post delivered is my name. Now it is better if I say that I love him and say that he is my husband in a very loving way ... which turns things around in his thinking. To say I love you and say nice things about him, like he is my gorgeous hubby, or my old blue eyes, makes him smile and turns his thinking away from what it was before. He just needs to feel secure as it must be very confusing to wake up and wonder what day it is etc. as he sleeps often. He can ask what day it is ten times in a row!!

I leave the old Valentines cards on the mantelpiece, signed by me with a loving phrase or two, and he roams about our home and comes upon them every now and then and reads them. This gives him security too. one of them is of two cuddly bears with a big heart ( I know this is really shmaltzy but it works.... well for us it works)

I wish you all the very best and respite is essential now

Every now and then I go towards him and with arms out I say you are my hubby ... and can I have this dance? He laughs as he cannot dance, but we have a hug and I give him a quick rub up and down on his back - in a gentle but invigorating way to warm him up. He likes that.
 

Chocco

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
75
0
AS website says support line is open till 10pm but just tried them and it's closed!!
I'm in the bathroom just to get away from OH - I just don't know how to deal with his thinking there are 2 of me and all sorts of 'other people' wondering around the house when in reality it is just me. I drove us into town today and he spent the whole 40 minutes asking where the 'other girl' is and how do I make the arrangements for her and the fella to come and do the jobs around the house and how much do I pay them ( 'they' are me )
Then tonight he's just come down from the shower and asked where Sandra (me) is, how long have I been here, what have I been told to do. He went back upstairs to see if Sandra was there and can't understand where she's got to and surely I should know.
2 nights ago he said he was going to bed so it was time I went. He wouldn't have it that I was actually Sandra and was quite insistant that I should leave the house. In the end I said I would go but just needed to sort the cats and dog out first so he might as well go up to bed.
I just don't know how to answer his questions! I have tried going along with it before saying I live down the road or that my name was Steve but it all just backfires on me. I've recently been saying 'I don't know' a lot and trying to distract him by changing the subject but when he then recognises it is actually me he tells me that 'the others' are shifty because they don't answer his questions and he thinks they are up to no good. Today, he reckoned our 80 year old neighbour might be "in on it"
Any advice please?
Just realised also from an email I had previously from moderator, Joe what the actual times are for helpline.