Support for husband whose mum has early onset Alzheimer’s

[NicDim]

Hi,

My mother in law was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s a few years ago, had been doing ok at home with her partner until recently. She had a couple of episodes of what I can only describe as delusional psychosis where she attacked her partner.
My husband has been helping to sort out a place in care for her which she went in to for a couple of weeks yesterday. And everything else as well.
He won’t show it but i know it’s stressful for him.
I will obviously support him no matter what.
I just wanted to ask people who are carers, who have the stress of being power of attorney etc, what support means the most to you?
If she stays in the care home then that will be a big weight off his shoulders.
But I want to make sure he takes some time for himself and to process it all. She has gone downhill quite quickly since we saw her last at the beginning of sept so I think it’s been a bit of a shock.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @NicDim and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. My mum and mother in law are both in care. Mine went into care two and a half years ago, and my MiL a month ago.
What I think is most helpful is assuring your husband that the family have done the right thing for your MiL. My husband kept on saying that he thought my mother had moved into care too early. Even if he was right (which I don't think he was), it didn't help me feel very supported when I was making such a difficult decision.
With his mum I've just tried to listen to his worries about it all. I've also tried to encourage him to make sure he and his siblings work together to sort out all the difficult things that need to be done, such as clearing her house and deciding whether to rent or sell it. I've also offered my practical support where I can. So far things are going OK, but it is far too easy for families to fall out due to the stress.
It is a difficult time, but you've come to the right place for support. I've found Dementia Talking Point very helpful over the years.

 

[NicDim]

Thank you. Him and his brother get on really well, so they both fully support each other. His Dad (mums ex) is also very helpful and is there for them both. Yesterday he did talk a little more about his mum after visiting when I asked how she got on first night. I feel myself stressing as I am worrying about him, but then work and our daughter as well. And finding myself feeling snappy which obviously need to try and avoid. Doesn’t help we are in the processing of moving house either!

Turns out she had a UTI which obviously hasn’t helped the situation which lead to going in to the home. At the moment it’s 2 weeks respite care and then will go from there.