1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    As anyone read any books on this subject ( if there are any available )?

    I'm trying to get my mum to bed at the moment but she's not having any of it, she wants to get dressed and go home to her mother (my mum's 81 and her mother's been dead for almost 40 years).

    This is the 4th night running that I've not been able to get her to go to sleep before 2am and I'm knackered (she always gets me up at 6am so I'm not getting much sleep).

    I don't want to have to get sleeping tablets for her but I feel that I'm going to have to try something....

    Sorry, just had to vent,

    Paul
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Oh Paul, I do feel for you - this is the single thing that drives me up the wall when I stay with my mother. The only thing I've read is that this means they're not getting enough exercise during the day, or over napping. Now if someone can tell me exactly how to make an 89 year old with arthritis in her hips take more exercise, or alternatively stop her napping during the day, I would love to hear it. Are we supposed to act like toddlers ourselves and stand there prodding and saying "don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep"? So, no advice, but a great deal of sympathy. Re sleeping pills, some of the new ones (Ambien etc, although I don't know if it's sold in the UK under that name) might work - whatever you dom donn't let them prescribe Tamazapin (spelling?) or similar - the darn things don't work quickly enough, and they're doped up to the eyeballs next day.

    Jennifer
     
  3. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Thanks for the info Jennifer, it's now 1.26 am and we're up again :eek:

    looks like I'm in for a long night..

    la,de,da,

    Paul
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Paul, you can vent here - you'll even get a response, because I'm in the states and it's only 8.51 in the evening here.

    Jennifer
     
  5. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Thanks, she's trying to get dressed now (she goes to day care in the morning and she doesn't want to miss her bus)...
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Oh dear - my mum does that sometimes (gets dressed) but she'll genrally go back to bed when I tell her that it's not morning yet (but not necessarily undress). I don't whether this would work (it used to when my children were young) - I would tell them that it wasn't necessarily time to go to bed, but it was important that they "rested their eyes" so, eyes had to be closed. What about music or a book on tape? How would she go for that?

    Jennifer
     
  7. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    My mother often went out after dark, usually in her nightie, including when it was frosty out, and there was nothing we could do to stop her, my aunt suggested locking her in but then she got violent, and anyway, a lot of the time she was alone there.

    It seems strange now that we ever left her alone in that state, though doctors and social workers knew the circumstances.

    She was used to going out for long walks after dark on her own before she got ill too, and naturally thought she had a right to go on doing so.

    Lila
     
  8. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    I think part of the problem in my mother's case is that she was part of a large family (one of ten children). She hates going to bed alone and I think it's because her mind goes back to her childhood days when she used to share a room with her sisters.

    Well it's another day now and I have to get some shopping done whilst my mother's at the day care centre but I'll be doing that as quickly as I can so that I can fit in a nap before she gets home ;)

    Thanks again for getting me through last night,

    Paul
     
  9. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hi Paul

    do you ever try to take her shopping with you? We used to sit Dad in a wheelchair with a basket on his knee to make him feel useful. It kept him awake!

    Having said that we would almost certainly then get a sundowning episode early evening - probably because he was overtire and/or it had been a break to his routine. However it usually gave us all at least a half hour "cat nap" at some point.

    It didnt cure the night time "going home to (long dead) mother or "to work" but at least we had managed one of those precious powernaps as I think they are called these days.

    It also meant that the dreaded chore of shopping didnt come solely out of our own time it was still part of Dads time if you understand my meaning.

    No miracle cure or solution here I know but you just have to adapt so that you make the most of what rest time you get. On a negative note, My mother still hasn't recovered any sort of good night sleeping pattern since Dad died nearly 3 years ago and at 80 I doubt she ever will now. The broken nights and light sleeping - having to remain alert in case he made a break for it - have had a lasting effect.

    Kriss
     
  10. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Hi Kriss,

    Yeah my mum comes shopping with me, to be honest with you we go everywhere together.

    We have great neighbours and they will keep an eye on her if I need to pop out for something but she starts to get restless and wanting to know where I am within an hour.

    I'm used to my sleep being interrupted but she usually goes back to bed when I tell her to, but that didn't happen last night.

    Paul
     
  11. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Hi Paul,

    I was hoping that you had been able to get her back to bed, but it sounds like that was a non-starter. I did some online reading about "sundowning" last night (as I had never heard of it), but most of it seemed to relate to early evening confusion, not nocturnal wandering. I don't know whether you could do this, either from a practical sense or an emotional one, but one suggestion I saw was to ensure that the person was in a safe environment, and then simply ensure they couldn't get out (i.e. lock them in their room). This reminds me of the toddler days, when my children would get out of bed, but had to occupy themselves in their rooms. In that case it took many nights of me sitting on the floor outside their rooms, them crying on one side, me reassuring on the other, before they got the picture. Of course, that's where the analoly breaks down - toddlers can learn and remember. It might be worth a try though, particularly if you don't think she'll remember the upset in the morning, and hold it against you. Let's face it, if you have a breakdown, who's going to look after her? Sleep deprivation is used to break prisoners, so it can definitely break a carer.

    Jennifer
     
  12. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    Been there... understand you dilema

    Hi Paul,


    I know how you are feeling, going through a little of the same at the moment.


    I've had SO LITTLE sleep in these last two weeks I feel like I have 'jet lag', feel a little sick .... head all wooly .... generally out of sorts.


    Heated and stuffy nights not helping my husband sleep ... lots of getting up and down ....
    Fan does not help.....



    A 'new thing' I've noticed that he does not 'believe' the 'time of day' now the nights are a lot 'lighter' .... REALLY hard work to even start the proceess of getting ready for bed.


    This is in addition hubby thinking he has not eaten (or been given) his 'tea'
    so.... night time tablets cannot be taken before 'tea'.....
    So cannot possibly think of getting ready for bed just yet !!
    It's still light outside.....


    Then we 'have' the getting up and down throughout the night 'on a tablet hunt' .... not believing his 'signed for' tablet diary.....

    At worst it went on for 3 hours .... :mad:


    I hope you manage to get a good night tonight.

    If I'm 'up' I'll log on here for company .... not done that before....


    Take Care


    DaisyG
     
  13. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Hi DaisyG,

    It sounds like you're going through a lot of the things that I am at the moment. My mother also forgets that she's eaten (she's just arrived home from the day care centre and she's claiming that they've not fed her all day).

    I'm so glad that I came here to vent last night, I was getting so frustrated and it really did help to spend some time on this site and get things off my chest . :)

    Paul
     
  14. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    Glad it helps to share our thoughts

    Hi again,


    Yes, the 'not eating' thing is new... well since the begining of the year.


    I regularly get acused of either 'forgetting to feed us both' ....
    'deliberately with holding food' .... sometimes he says
    "I've made a genuine mistake " ... and that I should just feed us !


    He forgets taking medication ... showering... shaving...... etc etc...
    Getting his hair cut ......
    He believes he is abused and neglected.... because ...... in his head
    he has not had any help at all in the day... or any other day......


    The night time wanderings / questions seem to be more draining than ever.


    At least with the summer / heat I don't have to 'fight with him' over the central heating controls in the middle of the night !! ..... Literally !!


    We seem to have a 'sundowning period' in the day as well.... so I'm not sure what you would call that.




    Take Care


    DaisyG
     
  15. Maggie

    Maggie Registered User

    #15 Maggie, Jul 7, 2006
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2006
    Glad to read this tonight as my mum seem to be Acting strange

    She been to day centre and usually is sleeping by now, but is going in to one none stop talking so unusual she got hold of one of my daughter friend to explain her horoscope , that I have explained to her ,she change out of her clothes herself told me to hang her clothes up as we are going to a garden party tomorrow with the AD group , she got so much motivation am not complaining just sharing as it can get a bit crappy if that’s the right word to use .

    PS Its like she back to her old self taking sense naps 2mins wake up has a moan naps
     
  16. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Just a quick update ..

    My mum's been in bed for 2 hours so it looks like I'm going to have a better night tonight (fingers crossed ) ..

    I'm sure she'll get up at 2am but that's ok as long as she goes straight back to bed :)

    la,de,da,

    Paul
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Congratulations! Now you go to sleep. Easier said than done, I know, you probably feel like you need some time to yourself.

    Jennifer
     
  18. Maggie

    Maggie Registered User

    Hope you got a good night sleep .
     
  19. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    My mother didn't get up at all during the night....... She still insisted on getting up at 6am but I can kind of live with that (if I have too ;) )

    Have a good weekend people,

    Paul
     

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