1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,142
    Toronto, Canada
    My mother, who is in a nursing home, had another huge hissy fit on Sunday. She punched & pushed one resident to the ground & proceeded to stomp her (this a frail 85 year old who probably weighs about 80 lbs). Then she started hitting another resident in a wheelchair. She punched a 7 month pregnant worker in the stomach (who has now decided to go on maternity leave early instead of going to the end of the month - gee, I wonder why?), sucker punched the assistant director of nursing 3 times & I think kicked a few other workers. Fortunately, no one suffered any real damage. But the poor little old 85 year old lady hid in her room for a day.

    We have no idea what set her off. They tried giving her meds orally, which she took but which had absolutely no effect on her. She was like a raging bull, apparently. They ended up having to give her a shot & I can only imagine the manhandling they had to do to get that accomplished. As it is, I noticed bruises on her hands Friday night so God knows what shape she'll be in now. I don't blame them either. She's very fit & they do have to worry about the safety of the other residents.

    We do already have a specialist appointment in place for Oct 2, mainly because of her uncertain moods & aggression.

    This seems to be never-ending. She never seems to settle down for good. We achieve an equilibrium for a few months & then she's off again. I'm so tired of it all. I so wish she would settle down & be reasonably content. I wish this were over, as horrible as that sounds.

    I wish I could cry.

    Joanne
     
  2. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Just cry Joanne, just cry. What else can you do? If the professionals cannot cope how can we be expected to? I have no answers but do understand your situation(I think!). At times like this we all wish we could come up with a solution but all we can do is to let you know you are in our thoughts.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  3. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Joanne, it doesn't sound horrible. It sounds perfectly understandable.

    I referred to 'Sunday, Bloody Sunday' myself this week - it's some of my 'fighting music' .... do you have something that might inspire you to cry and 'let it all go'?
    Sounds like you need to ....

    If you don't do crying, you may not do hugging - but there's a huge one here for you, anyway .... wish I could think of something more helpful to say just now....

    Love, Karen, x
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Joanne,
    Do you do shouting, screaming, manic exercise...anything?
    The wishing it was over, the wishing that it had never happened, the wishing to run away, the wishing to feel...... you are not alone.
    Love Helen
     
  5. JT13

    JT13 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2006
    41
    It's ok

    Hello Joanne,

    I hope that you're feeling a little better today. My grandfather (passed away at a ripe old age of 95, many years ago) had Vascular Dementia. Prior to VD, he was the most loving & gentle man, always cheerful and kind hearted. In the last few years of his life (with VD), he showed very similar agressions and violence to your case. He needed a walking stick and when something ticked him off, he'd go into an anger fit and start hitting people with his stick. I used to wonder how this frail 90+ year old man find the strength to suddenly yell, kick, and lift his stick to hit. I too wondered what ticked him off in the first place.

    Sad to say, with VD, nothing is rational. There is no logical reason to why or what caused the fits to begin in the first place. Our family could just mediate and stop him from injuring others, and more importantly, injuring himself at the same time.

    I didn't cry either though I loved him very much. Couldn't cry. Maybe because we all subconciously knew we had to be strong and ready to step in when it happened again.

    Please don't take it so hard upon yourself to remedy this. It's a part of Dementia and it's not your fault and not within your jurisdiction to change. Many hugs to you and if you need to shout instead of cry, just do it.

    Regards,
    J
     
  6. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Joanne

    My frail 90 yr old Mother is just as capable of the same kind of violence and aggression

    Its VD its totally unpredictable
     
  7. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Joanne
    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment...and don't beat yourself up for wishing it was all over......
    Take care ...sending you a big hug
    love
    Wendy
    x
    PS.....not so long ago I couldn't cry.....then one day I cried and cried....boy did that feel good....trouble is now I've gone the other way...cry at anything.....even "the X factor":eek:
     
  8. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Oh Wendy, that's really sad!!
    Love Helen
     
  9. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi Joanne,

    Sorry to hear about your Mum - I wince when I think of my, once docile Dad, lashing out at the staff in his Home. It somehow feels like it's a reflection on me but I have to remind myself it is the Alzheimers. The uncertainty of when it's going to happen doesn't help either. I have had quite a few of those "wish this were over" times lately and find that tears aren't readly available but it sounds like your hysterical outburst on the 'After a rough couple of days' thread did the trick for now!

    Love from,
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,142
    Toronto, Canada
    Yes, my hysterical laughing bout certainly got me back on emotional track. I highly recommend it to everyone.

    I visited my mother last night & she was still quite zombie-like from Sunday's shot. Lots of trouble walking & moving but not so much that she was incapable of kicking the poor nurse trying to help her to a chair. She was still very cranky, just not so able to express it. But, bless her boots, she did manage to get that one kick in.

    I really wonder where all this anger comes from. My friend's mother sobs all night long, every night. We both just want our mothers to be reasonably contented. I know it's the disease but it never ceases to amaze me. My mother was a cool, calm, collected ice maiden type. This "banshee woman on the attack" simply boggles my little mind.

    My husband & I are going to Paris Oct 6 and I cannot wait!! And I will be able to enjoy my trip & forget everything else.

    Thanks for the concern, everyone.

    Joanne
     

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