summer loneiness

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
0
hubby passed away 14 months ago ,when he was alive we had a caravan at the seaside, if he was here now we would have packed the car put the dog in and spend all this lovely weather at the seaside,We went for about 2 years after the dementia started ,and our friends down there treated him as if nothing was wrong,its memories like these that pop up and make it hard for a while again, treasure the memories as its all we have now
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,994
0
72
Dundee
Good morning @marmarlade.

I'm in a similar position to yourself. My husband died on 31st July 2 years ago so the second anniversary is almost upon me. This part of your post certainly struck a chord with me -

memories like these that pop up and make it hard for a while again, treasure the memories as its all we have now

I don't know about but I have found this second year much harder than the first year. I have tried to keep doing things we would have done together - like holidays - some by myself and some with others. It's not the same but I feel if I don't do that the alternative is to sit and brood and I'm not prepared to do that.

Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
 

marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
0
Good morning @marmarlade.

I'm in a similar position to yourself. My husband died on 31st July 2 years ago so the second anniversary is almost upon me. This part of your post certainly struck a chord with me -



I don't know about but I have found this second year much harder than the first year. I have tried to keep doing things we would have done together - like holidays - some by myself and some with others. It's not the same but I feel if I don't do that the alternative is to sit and brood and I'm not prepared to do that.

Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
I to have had holidays with my daughter and her friend but its always your by your self how ever people include you in things, there,s always that missing hand to hold, take care
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,842
0
leicester
Hi @marmarlade we had caravan which I have managed to keep, but not sure for how much longer.
It’s 3 and a half years since my husband died, and like you I always feel on the outside of things.
Hopefully it will get better for us all as time passes.
 

jan.s

Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
7,353
0
72
Hi Marmalade, I've just caught up with your thread. I lost Roger about 3 years ago and totally understand how you're feeling. Like Izzy, I have travelled since I lost him, as that was our plan for retirement. I go on Solo holidays, and meet others who are on their own, for a variety of reasons, but in that situation we are all equal. It took huge courage at first to do this, but I don't regret it now.

My plan when I lost Roger was to keep myself busy and have taken up hobbies like painting.

I miss him very much, but am very happy that we had such a wonderful time together and we made so many happy memories together.

Life isn't always easy, and I allow myself time to grieve. I get upset at memories, sometimes in front of friends, but they understand; some days I have to push myself to do things (and sometimes I just don't do them), but throughout it all, you must be kind to yourself.

I wish you strength. J x

PS I miss having the hand to hold too.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,442
0
Kent
Hello @marmarlade

I hope the replies you have received so far are helping you feel just a little less alone.

My husband and I loved our holidays and it was one of the saddest times when we had to give them up. We had so many plans.

I`m unable to holiday by myself yet but have had a couple of lovely holidays staying with a family member and again staying with a friend.

I`ve recently had a holiday with a good friend. We had separate rooms but shared the travel, mealtimes and outings .
It obviously wasn`t as good as going with my husband. I miss the holding hands and sharing eveything else but what I have managed is the next best thing.

It has taken me four years to get to this stage and I hope holiday times will be easier soon for you.
 

Loopiloo

Registered User
May 10, 2010
6,117
0
Scotland
Yes@Marmalade our memories are all we have now and they are precious. We also had caravan holidays although ours was a touring caravan and we travelled all over the UK.

Those memories have been with me a lot during this real summer weather. Recalling relaxed, contented times spent together. But although mainly happy remembering, also at times mixed with sadness and tears come. I can imagine how you are feeling. We continued as long as dementia allowed, our last caravan holiday was 2008. Probably a year too late.

It is two years, two weeks and two days since Henry died and like Izzy I found the second year harder. Less emotionally raw than the first but still difficult. Sometimes in unexpected ways.

I am another who misses the holding hands, the sharing. The togetherness.

When life was normal I did have holidays without Henry, with his blessing, and it was good to come home and share in a different way. Group painting holidays, getting together with friends of many years in England and Wales, to Paris with Elaine (the year after Henry and I were there), and then back again on my own. Elaine had been before, Henry had enjoyed it, I fell in love with it. So many art gallerys, museums - and Monet’s blissful Giverny.

I also went alone to Majorca, where we had been together, and to Australia to stay with my Dad. A second visit Henry and I went together which was special. Great to share with him that time.

So I think that I could have travelled as some of you are doing, Not having Henry to come home to afterwards I don’t know how I would have felt, but I would have given it a go. If you don't try you will never know.

But I became unexpectedly housebound three years ago - and not due to old age although I am old now. I still feel like 'me' but my body does not feel like mine! o_O Old age crept upon me, caught me off-guard...

Mainly cancer and cancer treatment-related problems which have progressed over the years then suddenly escalated. Now resulting in severe mobility problems. So I ain’t goin’ nowhere! :(:rolleyes: It does makes widowhood harder and it is almost inevitable that I 'brood'. At times. I do try to avoid it. I need to try to accept.

@Izzy I wouldn’t recommend the 'alternative’ to your holidays! That goes for all of you. Carpe Diem.

When I holidayed solo in Majorca I was 60 and met several widows in the hotel in their seventies and a delightful one in her 80’s who had been holidaying solo for years. We met in the evenings for drinks, chat and some of us walked together.

They had obviously grown into holidaying solo, but that's not to say they did not miss their other half. Changes take time and are not easy.

@nellbelles if you enjoy your caravan but in a different way, I hope you can continue as long as possible.

@Grannie G four years does not always feel as long as it sounds. We can only go by our instinct and do what feels right for us when it does. You sound to have reached that point and to have enjoyed your holidays.

As always I write too much.
Love
Loo xxx
 
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marmarlade

Registered User
Jan 26, 2015
183
0
Yes@Marmalade our memories are all we have now and they are precious. We also had caravan holidays although ours was a touring caravan and we travelled all over the UK.

Those memories have been with me a lot during this real summer weather. Recalling relaxed, contented times spent together. But although mainly happy remembering, also at times mixed with sadness and tears come. I can imagine how you are feeling. We continued as long as dementia allowed, our last caravan holiday was 2008. Probably a year too late.

It is two years, two weeks and two days since Henry died and like Izzy I found the second year harder. Less emotionally raw than the first but still difficult. Sometimes in unexpected ways.

I am another who misses the holding hands, the sharing. The togetherness.

When life was normal I did have holidays without Henry, with his blessing, and it was good to come home and share in a different way. Group painting holidays, getting together with friends of many years in England and Wales, to Paris with Elaine (the year after Henry and I were there), and then back again on my own. Elaine had been before, Henry had enjoyed it, I fell in love with it. So many art gallerys, museums - and Monet’s blissful Giverny.

I also went alone to Majorca, where we had been together, and to Australia to stay with my Dad. A second visit Henry and I went together which was special. Great to share with him that time.

So I think that I could have travelled as some of you are doing, Not having Henry to come home to afterwards I don’t know how I would have felt, but I would have given it a go. If you don't try you will never know.

But I became unexpectedly housebound three years ago - and not due to old age although I am old now. I still feel like 'me' but my body does not feel like mine! o_O Old age crept upon me, caught me off-guard...

Mainly cancer and cancer treatment-related problems which have progressed over the years then suddenly escalated. Now resulting in severe mobility problems. So I ain’t goin’ nowhere! :(:rolleyes: It does makes widowhood harder and it is almost inevitable that I 'brood'. At times. I do try to avoid it. I need to try to accept.

@Izzy I wouldn’t recommend the 'alternative’ to your holidays! That goes for all of you. Carpe Diem.

When I holidayed solo in Majorca I was 60 and met several widows in the hotel in their seventies and a delightful one in her 80’s who had been holidaying solo for years. We met in the evenings for drinks, chat and some of us walked together.

They had obviously grown into holidaying solo, but that's not to say they did not miss their other half. Changes take time and are not easy.

@nellbelles if you enjoy your caravan but in a different way, I hope you can continue as long as possible.

@Grannie G four years does not always feel as long as it sounds. We can only go by our instinct and do what feels right for us when it does. You sound to have reached that point and to have enjoyed your holidays.

As always I write too much.
Love
Loo xxx
well Loo sometimes when you start writing things just keep coming ,its been a great help to me to know that others like your self have the same feelings as me ,As I was in the garden the other day I suddenly thought its so hot ,but hubby loved the hot weather,and would be out in it all day if I didnt nag him to come in,the heat never seemed to affect him,[this will make you smile]he would keep his thermal vest on if I didnt change it for his summer one, it all these little things that pop into your head at the most odd times that makes you know how ever hard we try its still only us,but you can love them just the same. this line came from a poem at hubbys funeral and I think its lovely.You left us beautiful memories your love is still our guide.although we cannot see you ,you are always by our side take care all of you
 

jan.s

Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
7,353
0
72
well Loo sometimes when you start writing things just keep coming ,its been a great help to me to know that others like your self have the same feelings as me ,As I was in the garden the other day I suddenly thought its so hot ,but hubby loved the hot weather,and would be out in it all day if I didnt nag him to come in,the heat never seemed to affect him,[this will make you smile]he would keep his thermal vest on if I didnt change it for his summer one, it all these little things that pop into your head at the most odd times that makes you know how ever hard we try its still only us,but you can love them just the same. this line came from a poem at hubbys funeral and I think its lovely.You left us beautiful memories your love is still our guide.although we cannot see you ,you are always by our side take care all of you

That is a beautiful line from the poem, and is so true. It's the happy memories that make our loved ones so special. The silly things they did. The lovely things they said. The beautiful smile they had. That is them and no one can take those memories away from you.
 

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