Suggestions on getting Dad out of bed before mid/late afternoon pls?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by D_LAURIE, Oct 22, 2014.


    D_LAURIE Registered User

    Oct 22, 2014
    Hi All,

    My father was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few months ago (age 74) and my sister and I are trying to do all we can to help my mother who is perhaps struggling somewhat with the condition and in fairness the best way to handle typical traits such as sleeping in the day, aggression, accusatory, can be loud in public places etc etc

    As well as my sister and I making regular visits I'm putting the LPA in place and have worked with the GP and am also going to arrange the care and carer assessments via the local Social Services so mum can get help, support, respite days etc.

    The one thing that I really want input on (I have searched the forum so apologises if covered) is what approach is best to encourage dad out of bed, he doesn't just sleep but sits and repeatedly reads the paper and dozes etc normally to between 2 & 4pm.

    Mum tries to gently coax him up to shower, eat etc but he either doesn't get up or mum gets an angry "why, what for, I've had a shower...".

    This is a real problem and source of frustration/anxiety for mum when there are hospital appointments etc that dad needs to attend and also the hygiene aspects of dad not showering every day and spending vast amounts of time in the bed.

    Any suggestions sincerely appreciated
  2. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    I thought I'd reply as you haven't had an answer yet. It is quite common for someone with Alzheimer's to sleep a lot as their brain isn't functioning properly and can't cope with everyday life. Also, they can develop apathy towards personal hygiene. Both of these things happened with my mother.

    All I can suggest is to make any appointments in the afternoon. Does he have carers? Maybe they would be able to encourage him to get up and wash. Have you got a Social worker involved? If so, they could arrange a care package depending which your father would contribute towards, depending on his financial situation.

    My mother was totally apathetic when I used to have to get her ready for hospital visits but luckily she was fairly compliant with me if I got her up and washed and dressed and in her wheelchair to take her. Does hospital transport pick him up to take him - maybe that would be an incentive if he knew they were coming at a certain time.

    I am not sure how I'd cope with someone who was resistant to attempts to coax them out. I am sure other people will have had similar experience to yours so hope you get some replies soon.
  3. MReader

    MReader Registered User

    Apr 30, 2011
    My husband is the same - sleeps for England & is rarely out of bed !!!
    I try to get any appointments in the late morning/lunchtime for my husband as it is easier for us both. Most people/authorities are very obliging & understanding.
    His psychiatrist explained that as only about half his brain works properly, he needs lots of sleep to just be able to cope with living. Also that he feels 'safe' in bed, so unless it is REALLY a problem, I just let him do what he wants to do in his own time.
    I used to get very stressed trying to get him to do things I thought he 'ought' to do - but as long as important things that really matter get done, then nothing else is really worth the stress. I learnt a long time ago to pick my fights!!! :eek:
    At least whilst he is in bed I know where he is & can get on with things indoors without him being right behind me asking what I am doing

    D_LAURIE Registered User

    Oct 22, 2014
    Thanks Both for the comments,

    I thought this might be a fairly common trait of the condition and didn't expect a 'magic' solution but had to ask...

    I guess some of these things are trial and error and experience !!
  5. edw

    edw Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    I agree about the afternoon appointments etc and dad's always been a problem getting out of bed , it is a case of keep going back and eventually he'd finally acquiesce. More recently he's ''choosing'' to spend all day in bed and rarely getting up

    Isolation, chest infections and pressure sores worry me intensely but carers tell me they cannot and will not interfere with his choice :mad:
  6. Just thinking...

    When Mum was old and slowly dying of cancer, no one seemed to mind if she slept most of the time. When Gran was old and just sort of fading until pneumonia took her, no one seemed to mind if she slept all the time. When my friend was depressed, no one seemed to mind if he slept most of the time.

    In other words, given that it is acceptable for people with other conditions to simply doze, why shouldn't someone with dementia be allowed to do the same?

    Other than on days when there are appointments to attend, is it really necessary to haul someone out of bed if they don't want to do so?

    On the subject of bathing, I realise that if someone is incontinent, there needs to be extra attention paid to their nether regions; and if they have patches of skin that look like they're beginning to break down, they need extra attention; but other than that, why is bathing every day so essential?

    Whatever happened to the Saturday night bath? We didn't all smell in the days when we bathed once a week. At the risk of shocking people, I don't bathe or shower every day and no one has ever suggested that I smell.

    I appreciate, though, that not bathing or showering every day is a different issue from refusing to bathe or shower at all.
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Maybe bed in a sfe place

    My mum sleeps or is in bed probably 20 plus hours each day. I just dont think she can cope with her confusion. The tv and people outside are too much for her to cope with. I think in her bed she feels safe and secure.

    Now however she sometimes does not always understand she is in her own room so its time to look for a care home for her. Hopefully they will understand her need to be in bed. Time will tell.

    So many have said before - Try to join their reality rather than struggle to get them to join ours. We have a choice but really they do not.
  8. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    #8 Sue J, Mar 1, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2015
    My sentiments entirely Petrina, thanks for posting:)

    I know I forget. When the HH comes we write down when we have changed the bedding, I know then its time for clean nightwear too. I hate though, not having a clue when I last washed my hair, I should start writing that down too, not that I think it look too bad ever, but you never know?

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