Sugar in her coffee

[Sarasa]

Glad the caste is off. I hope your mum forgets all about the hospital visit and the two weeks in quarantine whizz by.
It'll be interesting when you get to visit her back in the main part of the home to see how she is there.
Hope now the manager is permanent things get better and better with the management of the home.

 

[Bikerbeth]

It will be interesting to see how she is in the main part of the home again @Sarasa The Care Home put a load of photos up from Saturday when the good agency Carer was in the quarantine area. She got Mum painting stones and a wooden robin and Mum was almost smiling. I don’t think I could have got Mum doing that so fair play to her. However agency Carer likes the flexibility so won’t be applying for permanent job which is disappointing.
Manager also put a posting up on the Care Home FB page thanking everyone of his staff for doing a fantastic job in difficult times. So I do think he is trying and certainly appreciates the good staff he has got. He has also asked several of us relatives if we will have a chat with him and one of his team about the good and bad points of the Home. As the Home is new and they still have a lot of rooms vacant they need to get to find out why they are not getting more new residents.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Mum was brilliant today.
I went down to the Home early today as told the 2nd vaccination for Mum would be at 9.15am. I did my LFT and as I was putting on the PPE I heard the receptionist talking to a ‘medical professional’ saying only 2 people today and mentioned Mum’s name. I asked if I could have a few moments to settle Mum before he came. They said yes but they told me he was the phlebotomist. So now I am thinking oh crikey that is not good timing doing a blood sample on the same day as the vaccination.
Anyway I headed down the corridor to see Mum who was heading from the lounge/diner to her room. She was happy to see me and as I saw she had a mug of tea (still hot) and toast in her room I sat her down and got her to eat it.
She had just finished and the ‘blood taker’ came in with a Senior Carer who I had spoken to but not met. Well he certainly is a ‘charmer’, he flatters Mum and she responds with smiles and laughs. Blood test done with no fuss.
10 mins later Nurse comes in with Mum’s tablets. Mum not so pleased and slightly agitated but does take them. I am now a little concerned as to how the vaccination is going to go but trying not to show my concern. Fortunately the senior Carer comes back again. Mum has a slight protest ‘Now what are you going to do? why can’t you leave me alone?’ Vaccinator explains what the jab is for as she has to but Mum has no understanding. She asks Mum if it is OK to do it and I just nod my head frantically at Mum and I give her a thumbs up and she agrees.
vaccine done - great, brilliant and I am so relieved. Mum only slightly stressed and soon settled down when I suggest to the senior Carer that I thought Mum deserved some of the lovely chocolate cake that I had seen in the cafe area earlier. He agreed. To be fair to him he got us a piece each and the Carer for the quarantine wing made us both coffee.
I managed to take some lovely photos of me and Mum during the visit today. I managed to get some moisturiser on her arm and wrist as suggested by the consultant. Mum’s wrist did look a little swollen so I will keep an eye on it and the Carer said she had noted it too, although Mum said it did not hurt just a little tender. I had also taken in a nail file as I could see her nails were annoying her when we went to the hospital and she used that whilst we chatted.
Only sad thing was she kept saying that B had not been to see her and she was unhappy about that as she thought B couldn’t be bothered to come and see her as B was too busy dancing and gadding about. Me being B .
Of course a few minutes later she called me by my name.
I was there for 2 hours and Mum was starting to yawn towards the end so I think the visits are about the right length. I am hoping that the tiredness is healthy tiredness due to her getting some stimulation from my visits as well as hopefully some happiness.

 

[jennifer1967]

Mum was brilliant today.
I went down to the Home early today as told the 2nd vaccination for Mum would be at 9.15am. I did my LFT and as I was putting on the PPE I heard the receptionist talking to a ‘medical professional’ saying only 2 people today and mentioned Mum’s name. I asked if I could have a few moments to settle Mum before he came. They said yes but they told me he was the phlebotomist. So now I am thinking oh crikey that is not good timing doing a blood sample on the same day as the vaccination.
Anyway I headed down the corridor to see Mum who was heading from the lounge/diner to her room. She was happy to see me and as I saw she had a mug of tea (still hot) and toast in her room I sat her down and got her to eat it.
She had just finished and the ‘blood taker’ came in with a Senior Carer who I had spoken to but not met. Well he certainly is a ‘charmer’, he flatters Mum and she responds with smiles and laughs. Blood test done with no fuss.
10 mins later Nurse comes in with Mum’s tablets. Mum not so pleased and slightly agitated but does take them. I am now a little concerned as to how the vaccination is going to go but trying not to show my concern. Fortunately the senior Carer comes back again. Mum has a slight protest ‘Now what are you going to do? why can’t you leave me alone?’ Vaccinator explains what the jab is for as she has to but Mum has no understanding. She asks Mum if it is OK to do it and I just nod my head frantically at Mum and I give her a thumbs up and she agrees.
vaccine done - great, brilliant and I am so relieved. Mum only slightly stressed and soon settled down when I suggest to the senior Carer that I thought Mum deserved some of the lovely chocolate cake that I had seen in the cafe area earlier. He agreed. To be fair to him he got us a piece each and the Carer for the quarantine wing made us both coffee.
I managed to take some lovely photos of me and Mum during the visit today. I managed to get some moisturiser on her arm and wrist as suggested by the consultant. Mum’s wrist did look a little swollen so I will keep an eye on it and the Carer said she had noted it too, although Mum said it did not hurt just a little tender. I had also taken in a nail file as I could see her nails were annoying her when we went to the hospital and she used that whilst we chatted.
Only sad thing was she kept saying that B had not been to see her and she was unhappy about that as she thought B couldn’t be bothered to come and see her as B was too busy dancing and gadding about. Me being B .
Of course a few minutes later she called me by my name.
I was there for 2 hours and Mum was starting to yawn towards the end so I think the visits are about the right length. I am hoping that the tiredness is healthy tiredness due to her getting some stimulation from my visits as well as hopefully some happiness.

good visit and chocolate cake into the bargain! its good your mum has had the second vaccine but even better you were with her to calm her down. you seem to have such a good relationship with your mum

 

[Bikerbeth]

The relationship has only become good since Mum had her diagnosis @jennifer1967. It was only at this point that Mum became a person to me rather than a Mother. She is far nicer as a person than a Mother. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me.

 

[jennifer1967]

The relationship has only become good since Mum had her diagnosis @jennifer1967. It was only at this point that Mum became a person to me rather than a Mother. She is far nicer as a person than a Mother. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me.

it makes perfect sense. its just the way it comes across

 

[Sarasa]

So glad that you had a good visit yesterday @Bikerbeth. I think cake makes everything seem better. So glad the vaccination has been done too. Hope the wrist gets less swollen soon, but good it isn't causing your mum discomfort.
As for the person/mother split, that is an interesting observation. My mother was a great mum when I was a small child but as a teenager and young adult she wanted to re-live her youth through me and could be rather nasty if I didn't do things she wanted. She also had a habit of vamping my boyfriends. It wasn't till I met my mother-in-law that I found a 'mother' that understood me, and was so very supportive. However my mum was a great friend and we had some wonderful holidays and trips to see big theatre shows. I never told her important things and it worked fine. Of course now that is all changed, and I feel more like her mother. My mother-in-law also has dementia and I am so sad I've lost her too.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Not such a good visit today. I got access to the building easily by and a Carer who started last Oct but obviously I had not met her face to face yet. When I told her who I was she said she had been called down to the quarantine area this morning to give the other Carer extra help. This was because when Mum woke up she had been very agitated and tearful and this had continued for a couple of hours. They had tried various tactics to distract and calm her but without success and were concerned as Mum’s pulse was high. Eventually they had spoken to the nurse and decided to give her ‘an additional anti anxiety tablet’ which the mental health team had prescribed ‘to be used as necessary’. I forget the term although I have seen it on here and I must find out more. I knew she was due a review in early May but I did not know they were already trialling some medication. The Carer said that she had started to settle about 30 mins before I arrived.
Anyway I got kitted up and headed off to see Mum. She smiled when she saw me and we had a natter and I had taken in a weekly paper that does events in the past from this week. I learn so much and Mum does pick up on some of it but today she was less engaged than last week. I am still amazed at her reading skills though. During the 2nd hour she did keep dozing on and off. It did give me the chance to find her ‘toy puppy dog, that had gone AWOL (under towels in the bathroom) and when she saw it her face lit up - she put it on her lap, started stoking it and promptly dozed off again. Then she really did look peaceful.
I waited until she woke up again and then thought it was best to head off.

 

[jennifer1967]

Not such a good visit today. I got access to the building easily by and a Carer who started last Oct but obviously I had not met her face to face yet. When I told her who I was she said she had been called down to the quarantine area this morning to give the other Carer extra help. This was because when Mum woke up she had been very agitated and tearful and this had continued for a couple of hours. They had tried various tactics to distract and calm her but without success and were concerned as Mum’s pulse was high. Eventually they had spoken to the nurse and decided to give her ‘an additional anti anxiety tablet’ which the mental health team had prescribed ‘to be used as necessary’. I forget the term although I have seen it on here and I must find out more. I knew she was due a review in early May but I did not know they were already trialling some medication. The Carer said that she had started to settle about 30 mins before I arrived.
Anyway I got kitted up and headed off to see Mum. She smiled when she saw me and we had a natter and I had taken in a weekly paper that does events in the past from this week. I learn so much and Mum does pick up on some of it but today she was less engaged than last week. I am still amazed at her reading skills though. During the 2nd hour she did keep dozing on and off. It did give me the chance to find her ‘toy puppy dog, that had gone AWOL (under towels in the bathroom) and when she saw it her face lit up - she put it on her lap, started stoking it and promptly dozed off again. Then she really did look peaceful.
I waited until she woke up again and then thought it was best to head off.

i think its as required p.r.n. i expect the medication was making her drowsy @Bikerbeth. when nothing has worked. stroking a pet is calming

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you @jennifer1967. Yes I thought it was the medication that was making her drowsy too. I did mention to the Carer before I left so she knew, on the basis that if they are trialling it, maybe this does may be slightly too high. Of course they have more knowledge than me in so many ways. I am just so glad I am getting these visits so I can really see what Mum is like and of course so I can see her properly.

 

[anxious annie]

Pleased to hear that your mum had her vaccination and all went well, but not such a good visit yesterday. It's often a bit up and down with visiting so hoping your next visit is another good one.

 

[Sarasa]

Although it might have been quite a good a visit as the previous one, it still sounds pretty good to me. I hope they get the medication sorted out, so that your mum is more alert at the net visit. Good you are getting to know all the carers too.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Although it might have been quite a good a visit as the previous one, it still sounds pretty good to me. I hope they get the medication sorted out, so that your mum is more alert at the net visit. Good you are getting to know all the carers too.

Yes meeting the newer Carers is brilliant to. There had been so many staff changes and agency staff but this new Manager seems to be trying to get a good team together. It is lovely too when the ‘new’ Carers say things that show they do know Mum and are also say that they are pleased to meet the relatives finally.
Thanks @anxious annie, as you say i am expecting visits to go up and down and I am sure one day she will have the strop with me too.

 

[Bikerbeth]

A non eventful visit today but that is perfectly fine. Mum was happy to have a natter. She did have a few concerns over ‘the kids’ but I am not sure whose kids she was referring to. She was also concerned she did not have any money to pop to the shops with- I said she had some in her handbag. Of course then she said she couldn’t find her handbag. I told her I would look for it and pretended to but found some hand cream and asked her if she wanted some putting on her hands and she said ‘yes please’ so she was nicely distracted. I took some flowers and Mum arranged them. She still has the knowledge and told me how they should be done - not as good as she use to be but still amazing.
I had a chat with a nurse on my way out and like me, you she still thinks Mum’s wrist is swollen but better than it was. They continue to monitor.

 

[jennifer1967]

A non eventful visit today but that is perfectly fine. Mum was happy to have a natter. She did have a few concerns over ‘the kids’ but I am not sure whose kids she was referring to. She was also concerned she did not have any money to pop to the shops with- I said she had some in her handbag. Of course then she said she couldn’t find her handbag. I told her I would look for it and pretended to but found some hand cream and asked her if she wanted some putting on her hands and she said ‘yes please’ so she was nicely distracted. I took some flowers and Mum arranged them. She still has the knowledge and told me how they should be done - not as good as she use to be but still amazing.
I had a chat with a nurse on my way out and like me, you she still thinks Mum’s wrist is swollen but better than it was. They continue to monitor.

that was a nice visit @Bikerbeth and your mum arranging the flowers. i hope you were paying attention of her instructions

 

[Arty-girl]

I ought to have picked up on the fact that, for the last few years, she has been unable to co-ordinate cooking a Sunday lunch for it all to come together at the same time. She would ring me for a chat saying that she'd just put the potatoes on for lunch. This would be an hour and half before I was due to go there. I kept thinking it was just due to her age (in her 80's). During lockdown she went from being able to hold a perfectly normal conversation to not be able to string a single sentence together. For the last 9 months or so I haven't had a proper conversation with her and now she is in hospital with a urine infection. The antibiotics should have helped by now and I notice that one day her only way of communicating is using "hmm hmm" and then the next day she will be engaged and manage a few words and then another day, back to "hmm hmm". I'm hoping she will be home soon. We've already got a hospital bed delivered, but going to visit her 6 days out of 7 is really taking it's toll on me. I don't know if all hospitals are running the same way but I'm only allowed to be there for 1 hour per day, by appointment. I have to be fully PPE'd (mask, visor, apron and gloves which isn't great it you're claustrophobic) and it has to tbe the same family member all the time so I can't get a brother or a neice to go instead to give me a break. It also costs £20 per day in taxi fares. I take a day off and feel so guilty for not going.

 

[Bikerbeth]

that was a nice visit @Bikerbeth and your mum arranging the flowers. i hope you were paying attention of her instructions

I have the instructions and the theory but I could never arrange flowers like Mum

 

[Bikerbeth]

I think lock down has speeded up the decline for the majority of our loved ones because I think it has impacted all of us in so many ways whether we are working or retired or full time Carer.
I am sorry to hear that your Mum is well enough to come home very soon. It seems like different hospitals have different visiting policies.

 

[Bikerbeth]

I went and visited Mum today and was kitted up in the PPE as required for Essential Care Giver status. When I arrived by Mum’s door it was open so I called out hello and she came out of the ‘en suite’. She was obviously confused and muddled and was saying that she needed to get sorted out before Mrs Bartlett arrived. (No body of that name at the home or that Mum knows) she was in a flap though so I said I would help her. Then 5 minutes later she burst into tears and said she was so sorry that she had not recognised me and only just remembered who I was. It must have been so awfully sad for her. I knew it would happen one day but poor Mum didn’t.. even sadder that she then thought I was her sister rather than her daughter. Certainly the PPE does not help as I think I ‘merged’ into being a staff member.
Mum remained quite agitated and figgerty but calmed down a little about 45 mins later when the Carer brought us a cup of tea. However she was anxious about who was looking after her children whilst she was here and she thought they would think she did not care about them. I told her that her children loved her very much and they were all fine and understood that their Mum was a bit poorly. It did turn into a bit of a loop though. When Mum left hospital they did suggest putting some moisturising cream on her arm. I had been putting that on but also started putting hand cream on as well as she always complains that her hands are awful too (normal 91 yr old wrinkly hands which she does not recognise as such) she does seem to find this soothing and gradually her mood seemed to improve and I got a few smiles. Unfortunately it was time to leave then but I really hope the anxiety left her for a while.

 

[jennifer1967]

you are so good with your mum. my mum didnt have dementia as such but aher behaviour was similar. she had breast cancer that spread to her brain. memory was poor, forgot she had meals, what shed seen on the tv. thought neighbours were talkin g to her through her window. i didnt care for her for long before she died. she was only 57 so i didnt get the opportunities of spending more time with her.