Sugar in her coffee

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,137
0
Southampton
thats a good approach as they know how much time to allocate to each question. there maybe the same issue keep getting raised so they know this is an important issue. couldnt the relatives use a website that has a link to the home for a rep to use so not personal details handed out. they could be anonymous then if they dont like speaking up which is daunting to some.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Thank you @jennifer1967 for the ideas.
I had one angry, confused phone call with Mum on Saturday where she told me that ‘you lot are miserable devils not going to Mum’s funeral’. She told me she stood there on her own and felt really stupid as she didn’t have any money to buy any flowers.
unfortunately OH could only hear that Mum was angry and kept saying to me ‘ask her about making Apple pies’ thinking it would be a good distraction!
Fortunately she had settled by the end of the call.

Today I headed of for my weekly window visit. The staff member who brought Mum down to the visiting room signalled that she was not particularly happy.
After doing the usual enthusiastic ‘ hello, how lovely to see you etc’ I showed Mum some pictures of her great grandchild who was born yesterday. Brother and myself have frequently mentioned she would become a great grandma over the last 9 months. Unfortunately it is all to late. Trying to show Mum enlarged photos through a not very good screen did not help either. Mum did not recognise her grand daughter and therefore the baby did not mean anything to her. I guess as her reality now revolves round her Mum/Dad and grandparents (with me as her sister) then children and grandchildren do not fit in the picture. So sad that she does not remember my Dad either. It is still weird though that in the same visit Mum can complain that nobody came to her 100th birthday party (she is 91)
All known and expected and not new but still makes you feel sad
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,652
0
South East
It is very sad :confused: my mum doesn’t mention my dad at all and if he is mentioned (very rarely does anyone for fear of upsetting her ) she just looks blank.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
The other week I met one of the Carers in the car park and we had a quick socially distanced chat where she said Mum had been dancing and had been happy.
Today when I rang up the Home I spoke to one of the receptionists. She asked me if Mum had done ball room dancing. I said I know back in the 60's Mum and Dad went to dinner/dances and that she knew how to waltz, quickstep etc. She told me that yesterday that Mum had been dancing in the afternoon with one of the carers and was smiling, laughing and happy. As Mum joins in very few organised activities she rarely appears in any of the FB pictures or if she does she is scowling in the background. I also only to tend to hear of the not so good incidents so it was lovely to learn of this. The receptionist said she will try and take some photos next time. i was just so pleased to hear that one of the carers has found 'something' Mum can do which makes her happy.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,917
0
Yorkshire
Oh thats lovely. Its nice to hear about the things they do isn’t it. When my sister used to call CH about how mum was they didn't give many details bout what she'd been up to but when I was visiting in her room the last few weeks the carers used to talk about things mum did with them and it was lovely to hear that although mum didn’t really join in the organised activities much she did do stuff with carers including doing jigsaws with one and doing her hair for her.
There is a lot of dancing and singing in the CH mum was in, there is often videos of residents dancing with carers on FB and I saw it when I was going in and out to visit mum too.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
I hope she carries on dancing too @jennifer1967. Until 1st lockdown we were walking about 2 miles together 3 times a week which she loved. Apart from a bit of arthritis in her knee she was fit for her age. Then we lockdown she just started sitting all the time so perhaps the dancing will keep her remaining mobility and use up some of her energy (as she was always on the go until about a year prior to diagnosis.
That must have been nice for you to hear too @annielou. I think we all worry that they are just ‘sitting doing nothing all day’.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Went off to visit Mum today. I was not sure how long I would stay based on the weather, although I had put on loads of thermal layers I was not sure how warm Mum would be. Mum looked tired and apparently had just finished her breakfast. I did describe the flowers I had brought her and she did smile. I also managed to talk about the subject of dancing with her. Some was coherent but other parts were very muddled. I struggle to find topics to talk about and I sometimes wonder if it is better to make things up as to what I have been doing but I don’t want to make her think I am off enjoying myself when she is ‘stuck in there’ (as she thinks I am her sister)
We did have a short moment of clarity when she knew me as daughter. However although she recognised my brothers name it was not meaningful to her. She also asked me how her boys were (she does still seem to think 2 sons)
At the end of the 40 mins they came to collect her and she was ok about it and seemed content to go off. She did ask me when I would be back to visit her and I said same place, same time next week and she smiled and said that would be nice. It was nice to see her relaxed and calm even if not particularly happy.
So another good visit
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,917
0
Yorkshire
Glad it went ok. I used to struggle with mum and feel like if said we'd been up to things she'd be upset she was missing out, its hard to think what to say isn't it. Sounds like you did a good job with the visit and your mum was settled and not upset during the visit. ?
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
808
0
Glad you had another good visit with your mum @Bikerbeth . It's good that she was calm , tho I do get what you mean about finding topics to talk about. I'm just going to FaceTime my mum and know that we will chat about what we're wearing, the weather, what biscuit she's having with her cup of tea etc! Still, I do know that it will seem as if it's the first time we've spoken about this, so think it's more important that she "sees" me. Hope your next visit is a good one too.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
I'm so glad you had a good visit @Bikerbeth. I'm off to visit my mother tomorrow and am too wondering what we can talk about as mum really is getting beyond being able to hold any sort of conversation. It'll probably revolve round wanting to visit her parents, but I'll have a go talking about dancing as mum really loved that, and was very good at it too.
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
195
0
I speak on the phone to my partner Ann for up to an hour at a time in her nursing home. None of the conversation makes any sense from either of us but I just like to engage with her and hear the sound of her voice and also I can assure myself that she is ok.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
I'm so glad you had a good visit @Bikerbeth. I'm off to visit my mother tomorrow and am too wondering what we can talk about as mum really is getting beyond being able to hold any sort of conversation. It'll probably revolve round wanting to visit her parents, but I'll have a go talking about dancing as mum really loved that, and was very good at it too.
I hope you have a good visit with your Mum too
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
I speak on the phone to my partner Ann for up to an hour at a time in her nursing home. None of the conversation makes any sense from either of us but I just like to engage with her and hear the sound of her voice and also I can assure myself that she is ok.
I am glad that you both get benefits from the phone calls. I understand what you are saying as I ring Mum up between the weekly visits and I like the days where she is happily chattering on despite making no sense at all.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Glad you had another good visit with your mum @Bikerbeth . It's good that she was calm , tho I do get what you mean about finding topics to talk about. I'm just going to FaceTime my mum and know that we will chat about what we're wearing, the weather, what biscuit she's having with her cup of tea etc! Still, I do know that it will seem as if it's the first time we've spoken about this, so think it's more important that she "sees" me. Hope your next visit is a good one too.
I am glad that FaceTime works for you and your Mum. Maintaining contact is just so important by any means and I feel so much for anyone that does not have these option available
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Good visit with Mum today. It was raining when I set off but the sun came out when I arrived - hurrah. If only I could remember what I did right. Mum chatted on, not very coherently but occasionally amongst all the chatter she would say something that made sense eg she asked about OH and even remembered his name. She was also trying to explain that the words in her head won’t come out of her mouth properly :(. However we had lots of smiles, laughs and even some giggles. She seemed quite relaxed for once. When it was time to leave she accepted it rather than getting cross.
Temporary Care Home Manager asked to see me after my visit - I felt like the parent being summoned to see the headmaster about their errant child - however he seems fairly straightforward. He explained that there had been an incident last Friday between Mum and another resident ( although nobody named I think I know who) and apparently they had both hit each other before staff got to them. The ‘fight’ was over a drink. Fortunately neither were hurt or injured but the incident was reported to safeguarding (?). Staff are aware that they do not get on and generally try to keep them separate but it is not always possible
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Glad you had a good visit @Bikerbeth . I felt so much happier after my good visit with mum last week. I hadn’t realised what a difference seeing her smile made to me.
Sounds like the incident with the other resident was handled well. Is this manager likely to stay?
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,917
0
Yorkshire
Glad you had good visit. Shame about the incident between your mum and other resident, sounds like they coped with it well and are following procedures. Hope temporary manager is a good one and helps sort things out so even if they leave things are kept on even keel for next person as think there's been lot of changes hasn't there.
I remember mum sometimes mentioning how things got mixed up in her head and she couldn't get the right words out, I used to say it was when her brain was tired and it was because she had used it so much being so clever all those years so it got tired quicker now as it had had so much use, which sometimes settled her or made her smile. Hope next visit is a good one too. ? ?
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
138,144
Messages
1,993,331
Members
89,799
Latest member
GillWife