I think our perceptions of our own abilities are distorted. I read your posts and think how well you handle situations with your Mum. I don’t think I am good at it. I sit there struggling to make conversation. I don’t want to tell Mum what I have been doing because then I think she would feel even more ‘trapped’. She doesn’t watch telly so I can’t discuss programmes I have watched. So a lot of conversation revolves round the garden and the weather from my side.Sorry it wasn't a good visit, you do seem to have helped your mum though. You got her out of her shouting and gave her someone to sound off to and reassured her when she was sad and sorry about it. You handle things really well, I'd like to be able to handle things with my mum like you do cos you're really good at it.
Sorry I’m new and responded to a much earlier post!!Thank you for this post; it made me laugh! We’re at the beginning of this although the signs have been there! It makes sense of the bags of sweets stacked in the cupboard and numerous cartons of ’Vienetta’ icecream in the freezer. I guess we just accept it......
Welcome to the forums, @Cedaroflebannon. It's good to find a bit of humour even in the hardest days and vienetta is good ice cream. Look around the site and you will find a lot of good advice, support and factsheets to help you adjust.Thank you for this post; it made me laugh! We’re at the beginning of this although the signs have been there! It makes sense of the bags of sweets stacked in the cupboard and numerous cartons of ’Vienetta’ icecream in the freezer. I guess we just accept it......
It may be a crazy idea but would it be worth doing a separate post asking for end of life plans others have done?So Monday’s visit was not good. When I walked round to Mum’s room she was shouting at the Carer (but I did not hear what about) and then when the receptionist came in as well to tell Mum I was there she got even more agitated shouting at them to leave her alone and go away as they tried to put a chair by the window so she could sit and talk to me. For once me shouting through the gap in the window to ‘stop being silly and come and sit down’ worked. Maybe it took her ‘out of whatever moment she was in’. I asked the receptionist if someone would bring Mum a coffee (so it is a bit more like a chat) which she did but Mum nearly threw the biscuits back at her. It could still be the toe infection causing the agitation but she is towards the end of the antibiotics.
mum was pleased to see me but generally spent the visit complaining about every thing that is wrong and then apologising for complaining and then telling me that if she was not so stupid and going ‘dolally’ then she wouldn’t have to be there. I would tell her that she is not stupid just a little forgetful and needs to have some extra support at the moment. I told her I would always love her and if she couldn’t complain to me who could she to. I told her I wished I had a magic wand to fix it all for her but it appeared to be broken ( I did get a small smile for that) She also complained again about the fact that there are children running around the place all the time making a noise. Not sure where that one comes from. One minute she says she is fed up with being ‘stuck’ in there and the next she is saying how she went up the shops. I hope she did eventually settle.
Good job I am not too sensitive though. Nurse stopped me as I was heading back to the car and asked me about Mum’s end of life care plan. As Mum did not have one could I have a think about it and let them know so it could all be put in place. Mum would never talk about this although brother (after seeing Mum’s care plan) said he was going to discuss it with her. At the time I silently thought good luck with that one - it’s never going to happen. So spent some more time on google searching for different info. Guess I will need to discuss with brother and see if his views agree with mine. Could be a tricky conversation which I am not looking forward to.
I was the same when I was visiting mum in hospital @Bikerbeth
Its a bit like a challenge, like a chatting version of mastermind. Bikerbeth you have 30/60 minutes to talk to your mum from a distance so you must talk loud, but you can not mention Where you've been, what you've done, what she's done, what you've watched, read, heard, anything worrying, anything that lasts a long time, anything complicated, On your marks get set go. ??
No need to apologise and welcome. Any post that brings a smile or a laugh is worth it. I hope you find help, support and some smiles on this site as I have.Sorry I’m new and responded to a much earlier post!!
Indeed it is a good idea. I was going to do a search and see what I could find. Certainly on here there are so many good ideas to be pinched, used and sometimes adaptedIt may be a crazy idea but would it be worth doing a separate post asking for end of life plans others have done?
I always find it so much easier to pinch other peoples good ideas, than have original ones of my own!