Sugar in her coffee

[Woo2]

Ah that is nice Maybe she just wasn’t in easy photo position during activities or doing something else at the time , it’s easy to take on board feelings that she isn’t happy etc but that could be the case if she was still at home , didn’t have dementia etc etc , my mum was quite miserable a lot of the time Pre AD , her and dad had spectacular rows as long as I could remember , hubby says now when she gets like that“ it’s normal for her , stop trying to make her happy all the time “ . Glad you have that picture in your mind . X

 

[Bikerbeth]

Another very confused phone call today which started with ‘I’m bloody awful and so would you be if you were here’. Apparently she had only had 2 biscuits all day (this was at 11.30). After that nothing really made sense as she rambled on and then she started crying. I wondered if I had made it worse ringing her. Clinical lead said they had started Mum on antibiotics on Saturday and she had been calmer since. I do wonder if she does do it deliberately to try and get me to go over.
Anyway I decided today to buy one of those toy ‘breathing puppy dogs’ - king Charles spaniel. I am just not sure whether she will like it or throw it at me. (Fortunately I will be the other side of a glass window) She loved her last real dog (same breed) that was a rescue but was never really a cuddly toy type of person. Who knows. If she does not like it perhaps one of the other residents will.

 

[Sarasa]

I've always wondered about one of those toys for my mum @Bikerbeth. Mum isn't really a dog person but she did quite like cats so maybe a cat. A baby might be even better as mum loves small babies and was brilliant with real ones. I can see her thinking I'm patronising her if I got one though.
Has the new manager started yet?

 

[jugglingmum]

My mum was never a cuddly toy person - I think partly brought up in a very strict environment that saw them as only for small children.

I bought her a smaller than lifesize (about 2/3 size) very strokeable cat and she adores it - I really didn't know if it would be wanted or not. She was always a cat person.

I do wonder if she does do it deliberately to try and get me to go over.

I found my mum had a toddler like ability to try to manipulate at one stage, and she'd get cross and nasty if she didn't get her own way - you do wonder how the brain works when it can manage one bit of life but not other bits.

(as mentioned elsewhere my train commute was my TP reading time so sorry if I'm not fully reading)

 

[Batsue]

Anyway I decided today to buy one of those toy ‘breathing puppy dogs’ - king Charles spaniel. I am just not sure whether she will like it or throw it at me. (Fortunately I will be the other side of a glass window) She loved her last real dog (same breed) that was a rescue but was never really a cuddly toy type of person. Who knows. If she does not like it perhaps one of the other residents will.

I bought my mum a quite lifelike toy spaniel puppy, she was never really a dog person but now carries it everywhere with her. I was amazed as she was never cuddly sort of person but sit hugging and kissing it and I hear her chatting away and telling it how much she loves it.

 

[Woo2]

I too have thought about it but worry how she will react to it , daughter has a lifelike doll and she really likes that , have a real dog that she strokes a lot . You can only try and like you say if not I’m sure someone will love it . I’m glad the ab‘s seem to be working .

 

[annielou]

Sorry you had another sad call. Yesterday was mixed up monday for mum too. The dog sounds a lovely idea but as you say there’s no telling how mum will react but I hope she likes it and gets comfort from it. As has been said you can but try. I’ll keep my fingers crossed she loves it ? Hope the ABs keep helping her feel better and confusion goes some more. ?? hugs for both of you x

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Sarasa we have a letter to say new manager but no date confirmed yet. I did do a search on the name and if it is the same chap it looks like he moved his last care home from adequate to outstanding. Now clinical lead seems quite good and has kept me updated.
@jugglingmum - reassuring about the cat and Mum did remind me of a toddler trying to get their own way. No apologies needed - I never really expect anyone to read but really do appreciate the replies/advise. I am not sure if I ever will go back through it but I did want to keep a record.
Thanks @reedysue - that is also reassuring
I think Mum will be better with dog toy rather than child toy as such @Woo2. She kept photos of her dogs on the window chill but not her grandchildren
She rang me up today (with assistance) very cheerful saying she had just had her hair done but that it had gone white and it made her look old. I said how old does it make you look and she replied 80. I said that’s good then as you are 90. I don’t think she got it and it made me wonder how old she thinks she is.
@annielou thank you so much for your reply when you have a far worse more upsetting day. Thank you for the ? and sending you loads back ??

on a trivial note when we walked this morning we stopped at a shop and got 3 custard doughnuts. This afternoon we decided to split the remaining one in half and share. OH managed to cut it exactly in the middle of the splodge of custard so we got to share equally. You would never have succeeded if you had tried to do that.

 

[Woo2]

That made me chuckle sorry about looking 80 ! We tried to talk my Nan in to going to a day centre years ago but she said no they are all old No idea how old she thought she was. i am glad you had a better call today , and yippee ...result with the doughnut?

 

[annielou]

That made me laugh about age too.
Mum said something bout people over 70 other day then said I’ll not say that when I’m over 70 will I,I couldn’t help smiling and she musta av realised why cos she said Oh I am aren’t I said Yep 73 mum she said Oh ****** I am old and laughed.
Glad had nicer call today hope her ABs are helping her feel better. ?
Custard doughnut sounds nice

 

[Woo2]

Hi, how are you doing ? X

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Woo2 I am fine, thanks for asking. Doing lots of walks still and lots in the garden.
Brother sent me text saying he had an almost normal conversation with Mum on Thursday and I am left wondering what I do wrong, if anything, as both Wed and Fri I had 20 mins of muddled speech. Wednesday was muddled happy chat but Friday was unhappy again - nobody visits me, nobody talks to me here, there is nothing to do (because she does not join in) , I need to get some money to pay for the deposit on the cottage but can’t go to the bank as they took my car away, they have not fed us today. I try to change the subject but she just goes back to her conversation. I guess I just feel a bit jealous although he does get nonsense phone calls too.

 

[Woo2]

It may just be pot luck , or if anything like here , mum gives the everything is fine to others and I get the full on version . It could be a girl thing ! Maybe she feels more relaxed talking to you than brother . You don’t do anything wrong ? . Glad you are getting lots of walks and garden time . X

 

[annielou]

I agree with what @Woo2 said its nothing you do. Probably she is on bettet behaviour with brother and sees you more of confidant she doesn’t have to try with.
When my sister started staying over at mums last year she was better with her than me as she put a bit of hostess mode on. The longer sis stayed the more it slipped and sis saw more of how I saw mum. So as woo2 says Your mum could be doing same with your brother.
It could also be a bit to do with different perspectives. Hubbys mum n dad used to visit his Aunt in a home, she had problems with her nerves. They went and talked to her about what they’d done since last visit and would say she was fine and they’d had good visit. His uncle and aunt would go see same her and say oh she was terrible didn’t say much just sat doing this (a thing she did obsessively). Uncle and Aunt used to say how come she’s better when you visit than us. Hubbys mum and dad would admit that Aunt doesn’t say much to them either they do talking and she always does that thing but they try and ignore it.
Hubbys parents would say Uncle and Aunt looked for negative but personally having had experience of how they act about anyone elses illness I think they tend to want everything to be fine so thats what they see. They tend to shy away from illness and have a tendency to act like everyones ok and anyones illness is nothing. Her daughter would come and say mum has had a bad week doing thing this week and been more out of it and they’d say she was fine with them.
It could be a bit of a combination of mum putting on a bit of hostess mode and brother wanting her to sound better.
Sis said mum was bright and cheery on their weekly call yesterday morning but I got grumpy mum when I got there so I get the feeling a bit jealous too sometimes x?

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you both @Woo2 and @annielou for your comments. I think you are right in that she does not go into hostess mode for me. I think it is a bit of jealousy on my part that it does seem that everyone else gets the good phone calls.
however I am still glad and feel lucky that at least I have contact.
Toy puppy arrived yesterday but now need to obtain a battery for it, then I will see if I can go and see Mum through the window

 

[Woo2]

I can completely understand that , my daughters’ bend my ear and whinge and moan and their dad gets the happy stuff I really want to stamp my feet and scream sometimes , silly example I know ! Hope your mum likes the dog? x

 

[jugglingmum]

my daughters’ bend my ear and whinge and moan and their dad gets the happy stuff

I so know that feeling - OH always said I failed to see the nice side of dau - and that was because she never showed it to me.

bikerbeth - I hope your mum likes the dog - I got my mum the little cat (mentioned on a thread somewhere) to see if she'd like it and think about getting a bigger one - but as I don't see her now I don't know what to do - I think I will wait until lockdown is over and I can visit - although I'm not expecting that to be safe to do for a while longer.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I don’t know where you could get them right now, maybe on line, but ...I’ve been to a few people who have soft cuddly cushions with a photo printed on them ... grandchild, children, spouse. It could maybe be an alternative to a cuddly toy

 

[Sarasa]

I ordered one of those cushions for mum. Not sure if it ever arrived, as the home hasn't mentioned it and I forgot to ask when they phoned on Saturday to say she had received the flowers and teddy bear I'd sent in.

 

[Bikerbeth]

So I had a reasonable conversation with Mum this morning . We managed to decide that I would write birthday cards from both of us for family members that have birthdays in May as she could not get to the shops at the moment. She seemed happy that I was going to arrange it all but a bit disappointed that she could not sign them (previously I would write them but Mum would add her name or grandma etc). she did say nobody had spoken to her recently but when I mentioned my brother’s name and an old friend of hers she then remembered she had chatted to them. Then she went into a story about how they had all been out to the Catholic Church but the service was rubbish and onto the fact that she was going to go out to the shops this afternoon as the biscuits served at the hospital were too hard and a horrible brown colour. Fortunately at this point she said someone else needed the phone so she would have to go. It seemed like a good time to end the call.
Popping up to her house tomorrow to check that everything is ok and pick up a few of her summer clothes.
@Sarasa and @Sam Luvit - when Mum first moved into the home I brought her a really soft to the touch cushion with a hare on it. She really seems to like that as it stays next to her pillows. I have not taken the Kings Charles breathing puppy ‘toy’ to her yet as I haven’t been to the shops since it arrived and it needs a ‘D’ battery. Why don’t they warn you - ok I didn’t check properly I just assumed it would be double ‘A’s’.
Hopefully after I have faced the shops again I will be able to pop it over to her next week and the clothes.