My mum wouldn’t let things go either @Rosserk I’d walk into the room and get a mouthful of abuse. All I’d done was walk in.
Everyone tells you, it isn’t personal, but when all you have done is open a door and walk into a room .., it sure feels personal. But, over time I accepted I had to change. Mum couldn’t. So I’d just keep leaving and returning ... always smiling ... until she “forgot’ her anger and accepted a cup of tea, a piece of cake etc.
Whatever else I forgot to buy I never forgot cake
The remote, her glasses, the book she started this morning ... someone had moved them, hidden them, was playing games with her ... yes, I got blamed for them all. Rather than reacting as we normally wouId, I had to change that to “oh, let me see if I can find them”. Yes I knew she had put them somewhere and forgotten, but it was pointless telling her that because she ‘knew”, it wasn’t her.
Although it feels like she’s doing it deliberately, it looks like it, actually she has moved the remote / book / etc and forgotten.
In her mind. She did not move it. Therefore “someone” else did. Hence the aggression.
Until I managed to step into mums world, where she was right, it wasn’t going to change. I know it feels like it’s against everything you believe in, it is the only way I could get any peace.
Everyone tells you, it isn’t personal, but when all you have done is open a door and walk into a room .., it sure feels personal. But, over time I accepted I had to change. Mum couldn’t. So I’d just keep leaving and returning ... always smiling ... until she “forgot’ her anger and accepted a cup of tea, a piece of cake etc.
Whatever else I forgot to buy I never forgot cake
The remote, her glasses, the book she started this morning ... someone had moved them, hidden them, was playing games with her ... yes, I got blamed for them all. Rather than reacting as we normally wouId, I had to change that to “oh, let me see if I can find them”. Yes I knew she had put them somewhere and forgotten, but it was pointless telling her that because she ‘knew”, it wasn’t her.
Although it feels like she’s doing it deliberately, it looks like it, actually she has moved the remote / book / etc and forgotten.
In her mind. She did not move it. Therefore “someone” else did. Hence the aggression.
Until I managed to step into mums world, where she was right, it wasn’t going to change. I know it feels like it’s against everything you believe in, it is the only way I could get any peace.