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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
Well typical isn’t it sometimes. I spent all afternoon worrying, meanwhile Mum had been making chocolate crisp rice cakes on a one to one.
unfortunately the interim manager has ended his contract early as he is ill @Sarasa. !!!!!! However the customer relations manager emailed yesterday asking relatives to leave a review on carehome.co.uk. I told her exactly why I would not - emphasising that there is no management/leadership and that issues like yesterday were a consequence. I asked her to liaise with the appropriate people as I would like a reply.
yes I agree with you too @jennifer1967 - I am concerned that an incident is waiting to happen due to the lack of procedural knowledge by the agency staff with no full time staff to support them on some occasions.
No the Dr has not been out as far as I am aware @DesperateofDevon

I did go in today. I just wanted to see if Mum was ok. No sign of any managers or nurse and to be honest I didn’t want to ‘eat’ into my time with Mum and there was no suitable person around when I had to leave.
The ‘jack of all trades’ lady showed me the photos she had taken of Mum making the cakes and told me that Mum had been really engaged although no smiles in the photos. I went up to the 2nd floor and Mum was walking up the corridor towards the entrance doors (which is by the lounge). When she saw me she just gave me a hug and cried. So I hugged her back and let her cry. I couldn’t understand what was wrong though. We headed into the lounge and looked through a magazine and she settled again and was quite chatty about the pictures in the magazine.
I suggested we should go for a walk in the garden as it was sunny and Mum agreed so of I went to her room to get her coat and stick. She was adamant I was putting her coat on her hair wrong, promptly took her arm out of the one sleeve I had put it in, and then put it on like a smock. Fortunately one of the Carers managed to put it on her correctly with more efficiency than me.
We headed into the lift and she nearly fainted again but not quite. She was however quite unsteady on her feet. We managed to get into the garden patio area and Mum sat down on one of the comfy seats outside. Jack of all trade lady saw this and brought some tea out. I was glad she had witnessed it. Mum was crying again saying she wanted to see her Mum and Dad and why didn’t they visit her and then saying she should have been on the coach for the church outing. I said her trip was tomorrow so she hadn’t missed it. Once she calmed a little I tried a bit of distraction.
the activities lady who has left, had left some plants in pots out in the garden which are dying as they need planting out properly. As Mum was a keen gardener I thought it was worth a go so I suggested we sorted them into the ones that might survive if we gave them a good water. She half engaged with me but got angry if I went out of sight behind her even for a moment. I used my water bottle and got Mum to help me water some of them. Jack of all trades lady said she will help Mum to water them next week when I am away so we can plant them in the garden when I get back.
We went back upstairs and into the lounge and one of the bank Carers successfully distracted Mum as I left.
Yep I know I have to follow up on all of this but today was not the day.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
7,682
0
Southampton
sometimes its better to spend time with your mum than getting a response that you were unlikely to get. i wonder if its her blood pressure dropping very low when she gets up. maybe your mums not feeling well which is leading to crying and missing her mum and dad.im just thinking thats all
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,130
0
I think I'd be very tempted to leave a very truthful review of the home @Bikerbeth. There is obviously something a bit awry in the ethos of the place if it is making so many staff ill and unhappy.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
0
I think you could be right @jennifer1967. She was close to her Mum and Dad and that is who she should would want when she is unhappy and scared.
My mum asks for her daddy , believes she is a young child & WW2 is on.
I gave my mum a huge panda from IKEA & that brings great comfort especially as she no longer recognises us anymore
x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
So Mum’s care home have had 3 staff testing positive so closing to visitors but respecting ECG status so I am able to go in. Residents are being encouraged to stay in their rooms but if they have dementia and tend to wander then this was being allowed but supervised so they didn’t wander into other residents rooms.
Mum refused both her flu and COVID booster, despite encouragement, - I think because she was scared and did not understand she just started lashing out. Annoyingly, if they had told me I would have gone and she might have agreed. Both will be rebooked once no new positive tests plus 7 days.
Staff situation has remained poor with a high proportion of agency staff which resulted in them bringing all the dementia residents downstairs again (home still not full as only opened just before COVID) However a new manager started last week so fingers crossed she remains and is effective.
The Home did do a lovely afternoon tea for Mum’s birthday last week with balloons etc and I was allowed in to celebrate with her. I am not really sure if she understood what was really going on but did open her presents and had a lovely smile when they brought her birthday cake out.
On the sadder side I was able to have a lunch with her one day and noticed she has now lost her ability to use a knife and fork. Her reading of words has also declined further even though she has not been able to understand them for about 12 months. However we are able to look through a newspaper or magazine and ‘natter’ about what is in them even if her comments don’t make sense. At least we still have a connection there and she knows me as her daughter again in the most part.
I brought her a soft toy monkey about a month ago which has a cheeky face on it. She appears to find some comfort in it as I often find him in bed with her when she is sleeping.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
7,682
0
Southampton
So Mum’s care home have had 3 staff testing positive so closing to visitors but respecting ECG status so I am able to go in. Residents are being encouraged to stay in their rooms but if they have dementia and tend to wander then this was being allowed but supervised so they didn’t wander into other residents rooms.
Mum refused both her flu and COVID booster, despite encouragement, - I think because she was scared and did not understand she just started lashing out. Annoyingly, if they had told me I would have gone and she might have agreed. Both will be rebooked once no new positive tests plus 7 days.
Staff situation has remained poor with a high proportion of agency staff which resulted in them bringing all the dementia residents downstairs again (home still not full as only opened just before COVID) However a new manager started last week so fingers crossed she remains and is effective.
The Home did do a lovely afternoon tea for Mum’s birthday last week with balloons etc and I was allowed in to celebrate with her. I am not really sure if she understood what was really going on but did open her presents and had a lovely smile when they brought her birthday cake out.
On the sadder side I was able to have a lunch with her one day and noticed she has now lost her ability to use a knife and fork. Her reading of words has also declined further even though she has not been able to understand them for about 12 months. However we are able to look through a newspaper or magazine and ‘natter’ about what is in them even if her comments don’t make sense. At least we still have a connection there and she knows me as her daughter again in the most part.
I brought her a soft toy monkey about a month ago which has a cheeky face on it. She appears to find some comfort in it as I often find him in bed with her when she is sleeping.
its nice to see you back. looking after your mum as much as ever.
 

cobden 28

Registered User
Dec 15, 2017
108
0
My Dad died 18 years ago and after that if I visited Mum she would use every excuse to get me to stay longer. Now when it gets to 4.30pm she is consistently saying I should leave and go home because ..... my partner will miss me, the traffic will be bad etc etc. I guess she is just tired nowadays
My mum was like that for years before her Alhzeimers diagnosis earlier this year. when it was getting late and i had to drive 30 miles along the motorway to get back home & needing to be up early the next morning for work, she would literally block my way to the front door . I had to be brutally outspoken to the point almost of rudeness to get out of mum's front door.

I don't drive now (had to sell my car last year) so the only grumble I get from Mum is why don't I visit more often and that i should be able to get on a bus to go visit her. Mum doesn't realise that there's several bus changes involved to get to her house plus a long walk up a very steep hill which wouldn't do my angina & heart failure any good; she just doesn't realise.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
its nice to see you back. looking after your mum as much as ever.
Thank you. I am just trying to catch up with everyone. I am sorry to hear you are/have been poorly but pleased to see you are still out on the sc
My mum was like that for years before her Alhzeimers diagnosis earlier this year. when it was getting late and i had to drive 30 miles along the motorway to get back home & needing to be up early the next morning for work, she would literally block my way to the front door . I had to be brutally outspoken to the point almost of rudeness to get out of mum's front door.

I don't drive now (had to sell my car last year) so the only grumble I get from Mum is why don't I visit more often and that i should be able to get on a bus to go visit her. Mum doesn't realise that there's several bus changes involved to get to her house plus a long walk up a very steep hill which wouldn't do my angina & heart failure any good; she just doesn't realise.
another sad characteristic of Alzheimer’s as empathy towards others is lost. It must be hard for you
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,130
0
Good to see you back @bikebeth, but sorry there have been cases of Covid at your mum's home. I hope the new manager sticks at it and things improve, though the birthday party sounds nice.
Hope you can get her to have the flu jab and the covid booster.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
Good to see you back @bikebeth, but sorry there have been cases of Covid at your mum's home. I hope the new manager sticks at it and things improve, though the birthday party sounds nice.
Hope you can get her to have the flu jab and the covid booster.
Thank you.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
Sometimes you need to share with those that understand.
Today was an excellent day.
Mum was asleep when I arrived at the Care Home and the chiropodist had just arrived (Mum had declined having her feet done on the last 2 visits by the chiropodist so you can imagine what they were like). So whilst the chiropodist went off to see another resident I manage to wake Mum up with the help of some coffee. I then spent 15 mins repetitively mentioning the nice lady coming to sort her feet out.
When the chiropodist arrived I just said to Mum - this is H and she has come to sort out your feet and Mum lay there and totally accepted H doing her toe nails with only 1 threat of ‘I will scream if she does that…….’
Success 1
The Carer came in to do Mum’s personal care so I said to Mum - let’s go and get you showered and then we get our breakfast. Mum frequently refuses a shower as I think she is worried about being scalded. However she seems better if I hold the shower head and she can keep checking the temperature whilst the Carer gets her washed.
Success 2 and she even complained that we did not wash her hair (she usually screams if we wash her hair)
Success 3 - after a nice visit I left her happily looking at a magazine
So that is an excellent day in my books.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
7,682
0
Southampton
Sometimes you need to share with those that understand.
Today was an excellent day.
Mum was asleep when I arrived at the Care Home and the chiropodist had just arrived (Mum had declined having her feet done on the last 2 visits by the chiropodist so you can imagine what they were like). So whilst the chiropodist went off to see another resident I manage to wake Mum up with the help of some coffee. I then spent 15 mins repetitively mentioning the nice lady coming to sort her feet out.
When the chiropodist arrived I just said to Mum - this is H and she has come to sort out your feet and Mum lay there and totally accepted H doing her toe nails with only 1 threat of ‘I will scream if she does that…….’
Success 1
The Carer came in to do Mum’s personal care so I said to Mum - let’s go and get you showered and then we get our breakfast. Mum frequently refuses a shower as I think she is worried about being scalded. However she seems better if I hold the shower head and she can keep checking the temperature whilst the Carer gets her washed.
Success 2 and she even complained that we did not wash her hair (she usually screams if we wash her hair)
Success 3 - after a nice visit I left her happily looking at a magazine
So that is an excellent day in my books.
that is successful day, maybe because you woke her up gently with coffee. it must be your calm way with her.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
0
So Mum’s care home have had 3 staff testing positive so closing to visitors but respecting ECG status so I am able to go in. Residents are being encouraged to stay in their rooms but if they have dementia and tend to wander then this was being allowed but supervised so they didn’t wander into other residents rooms.
Mum refused both her flu and COVID booster, despite encouragement, - I think because she was scared and did not understand she just started lashing out. Annoyingly, if they had told me I would have gone and she might have agreed. Both will be rebooked once no new positive tests plus 7 days.
Staff situation has remained poor with a high proportion of agency staff which resulted in them bringing all the dementia residents downstairs again (home still not full as only opened just before COVID) However a new manager started last week so fingers crossed she remains and is effective.
The Home did do a lovely afternoon tea for Mum’s birthday last week with balloons etc and I was allowed in to celebrate with her. I am not really sure if she understood what was really going on but did open her presents and had a lovely smile when they brought her birthday cake out.
On the sadder side I was able to have a lunch with her one day and noticed she has now lost her ability to use a knife and fork. Her reading of words has also declined further even though she has not been able to understand them for about 12 months. However we are able to look through a newspaper or magazine and ‘natter’ about what is in them even if her comments don’t make sense. At least we still have a connection there and she knows me as her daughter again in the most part.
I brought her a soft toy monkey about a month ago which has a cheeky face on it. She appears to find some comfort in it as I often find him in bed with her when she is sleeping.
My mum still has panda 3 plus years now … on the plus side Mum responded to a picture of a robin today . The lines of communication are micro expressions but knowing Mum so well I can still interpret a slight facial movement. Sending you love & strength
x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,635
0
South coast
That is probably why Monday was not a good visit as I didn’t really want to go and was a bit impatient with her and she could tell
Yes, mum used to pick up my moods and mirror them too. If I was calm and happy, then she was too, but if I was cross and impatient, then she was. Unfortunately, you cant always control your feelings.
Im glad you had a good day, though.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,130
0
So glad you had a good visit with your mother., and that she got her feet done and enjoyed the shower.
Is the new manager looking like they are going to stay?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,114
0
Bedford
So glad you had a good visit with your mother., and that she got her feet done and enjoyed the shower.
Is the new manager looking like they are going to stay?
I have my fingers crossed as the staff situation is desperate. We do have a relatives meeting next week so will see what is said then. I am sort of suprised I have not seen her where the residents are yet which based on the 6-7 hours I spend there a week I would have thought I would have seen her.