1. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    480
    Glad it went well @Bikerbeth. As to the conversation between the three of you, both my mother and my mother in law seem to find holding a conversation with more than one person tricky, I guess it's all part of the progression of the disease.
     
  2. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    So I collected Mum today and brought her down to my house for a few days. She agreed to have a look at some care homes near me. Mum is aware ‘she is going to get worse’ and so I suggested that we go and look at some so she has agreed. My conversations have basically reassured her that we are just exploring options for the future. Fingers crossed that the visits are positive. All 3 came recommended with 2 saying she can have lunch there and join in activities if she wants and the third has offered a coffee morning and activity.
     
  3. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    So care home 1. Mum liked the appearance of the place and the rooms. However she gave limited replies to the care home manager over coffee and when he showed us around. He did not really engage with Mum and nor did the staff we met. I am not sure if it was deliberate but we were left with 2 of the residents to have lunch. To be fair they both seemed to like the place and said the staff were caring and they liked them but both said it seemed short of staff at the weekend- the manager to be fair said they were still recruiting before the ‘wing’ fully opened. Mum by this time was not talking at all. I asked the residents about activities to which I was told keep fit and knitting - the gentlemen said they were interested in neither! One of the staff said they were trying to raise funds for a mini bus to make trips out easier. No list of activities was provided in the info pack they gave us. The home did have a ‘good’ report and is meant to be dementia specialist. I am not sure what I expected but I thought maybe a little more engagement.
    So ended up with a very stroppy Mother who said I should have involved her more in the process of choosing them before visiting- I had but she had forgotten.
    She did finally agree to see the one tomorrow- will be interesting to see if it is different and how.
     
  4. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    480
    its great that you've involved your mum in looking at the care homes, even if she's forgotten. I knew mum would be dead set against even considering the idea, so it came as a total shock when I moved her into one.
    Hope you find one you like and that you think your mum will be content in, even if she doesn't remember she took part in the process.
     
  5. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    @Sarasa I was lucky that Mum originally initiated the conversation back in June but unfortunately due to other circumstances I could arrange this trip to view several until now and Mum has deteriorated in the last few months with memory and speech.
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Care Home 2 - what a difference. Met by the Manager and a senior carer and they sat and chatted to Mum. Gave her plenty of time when she could not find the right words. They spoke to her directly to find out how she was ‘coping’ now and what she liked doing. They gave us both a tour and pointed out the good things and the ‘bad’ - eg rooms only have en suite sink and toilet. All the staff we passed said hello. Own furniture could be taken in and rooms repainted if you wanted. Quite happy to put pictures etc up. They mentioned the activities which varied from musical memories, manicures etc. To me they mentioned they could have Mum registered with a local doctor but they could not get a dentist to come in. So all seemed quite open. Mum came away positive and asked if she did decide to go for short trial there would she need to put a deposit down. I know it will not be easy whether Mum goes into a home or has more care at home but I feel very fortunate that after today she did not say ‘I will not go in a home’ hopefully the ‘positive’ feeling will stay even if Mum forgets what the home was like
     
  7. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Care home 3 - we were invited to their coffee morning and quiz. We had a tour of the home first, all Mum’s questions answered positively. Residents can personalise their rooms and bring some of their own furniture which was important to Mum at her early stage. For me it is good that they have 4 areas - ordinary residential and early, then later stage and nursing in the one building. After the tour we were introduced to some of the other residents at the coffee morning and with our agreement left to chat and join in. Another resident ‘adopted’ Mum and gave her the full low down on the place. She told Mum that she had cried and cried the week before moving into the care home as she really did not want to leave her house but now 9 months later she would not go back there if you paid her. I think that really helped Mum as they had a really long chat. Mum happily joined in the quiz and she also started a conversation with a gentleman sitting the other side of her which meant she was comfortable in the environment. I brought her back to her house this afternoon and after asking me a few more questions on the journey she suddenly said ‘I think I will ring them tomorrow and ask them to put me on the waiting list.’ I was so surprised I just went ‘ok’. We will see what happens and if she remembers tomorrow.
     
  8. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    So confirmed to Care Home to put Mum on the waiting list. She was not having a good day in her head today and that was before the 2 appointments. First opticians - mum had cataract operations earlier this year, apparently 5% of operations have an issue of the replacement lens going cloudy. It is a ‘simple 5 min operation’ says the optician to correct but not for a vulnerable, confused lady who understandably is now worrying and fretting. Trip to the Doctors due to intermittent shooting pains in her knee when she walks. Diagnosis - worn out knee due to her age - try these exercises and rub on the anti inflammatory cream. Mum cant cope with more bad news and this has resulted in lots of tears and endless repeat questions for the rest of the day. I then get frustrated that I can’t do more to help.
    To top it all she went to sit on the bed to rub the cream on her leg and didn’t look properly and fell of the end. Fortunately no damage but expecting a few bruises to be present in the morning
     
  9. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    480
    Hi @Bikerbeth , I've had cataracts operations in both eyes. At the time my right one needed doing, the left one had gone cloudy. As I'm deaf there was a horrible month or two where crossing the road became a rather dangerous activity for me!
    Anyway my consultant sorted out the cloudy one there and then when I went to see about my right eye. It does take about five minutes but you have to sit with your head in a brace while a laser beam 'cleans' the cloudy lens. Not painful, but a bit uncomfortable, specially if you are a short, big-busted woman like me. the brace and the table didn't seem at quite the right height. Hopefully when your mum has it done you could be in the room to reassure her.
     
  10. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Thanks @Sarasa for the information on the 5 minute clean. When I next go to visit Mum I will explain that to her and it will help her a lot.
    Glad to also see that crossing the road is no longer a dangerous activity
     
  11. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Had my morning phone call with Mum. I was pleased to hear her say she was going to ring the Care Home and ask go on the waiting list. I also had a positive reaction from my brother - I thought he might be against it but he said if when he spoke to Mum she consistently thought it was a good idea then he had no issue - brother lives 200 miles from Mum. He used to visit yearly and ring monthly but since the diagnosis now rings weekly and has visited twice this year but realised I do ‘most’ of the caring
     
  12. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    I rang Mum the other day and she said ‘I am going daft, I woke up today with 2 pairs of pyjamas on’ I just said ‘well at least you were not cold in bed’ and she just laughed.
     
  13. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Not good this evening. I had a phone call from Mum’s brilliant neighbour (whose husband had dementia) saying Mum was very confused today (rather than just muddled) Mum told neighbour that I had been hiding things from her again (not unusual) but this time it was said with more anger and aggression. I rang Mum up early evening and when I asked her how she was she just started accusing me of conspiring behind her back (although she did not know what I was conspiring to do) as well as the moving and hiding things deliberately from her, I tried to keep my voice calm and said I had not been there for 5 days (yes I know......)
    In the past my neighbour or myself have always been able to calm her down but this time it did not work. I am getting worried that she will ‘turn against me’. Not sure what to do
     
  14. Mouse2014

    Mouse2014 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    42
    ...
    My Mum always had a sweet tooth but it became 100 times worse after her diagnosis.
    So much so, she developed diabetes,,,
     
  15. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,543
    Well after drinking coffee for about 40 years, I found dad searching the kitchen for his teapot yesterday morning. I don't think he has one and if he has then I have never seen it.

    I asked him what colour it was and he said 'brown' I just made him a coffee instead and he seemed happy with that.

    Today I have searched high and low but no teapot so I don't think that he has one.
     
  16. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,628
    Female
    I know you were hoping your mother would agree to go into a care home at the right moment, and it would all be done with her full agreement, and you made good progress with that - well done! But it sounds as if things are beginning to unravel so you may have to be prepared to be more assertive about what care she gets, and when.
     
  17. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    Yes I agree. I am going to contact her second choice to get on their waiting list as well. Maybe go and view some others. Taking Mum to see her Doctor about her knee tomorrow and I will try and mention the agitation and see what he suggests. Not going to be easy with Mum present. If tablets can help then Mum might take them thinking they are to do with her knee rather than the Alzheimers (which she might refuse)
     
  18. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    The conviction is so convincing by the PWD I sometimes start questioning myself. Mum sometimes make coffee in the teapot and then wonders where the teabags are:rolleyes:
     
  19. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    253
    Bedford
    That is just horrible that diabetes is added to all the issues. Such a shame when cakes do seem to help in so many ways. I always get a big grin when I suggest we pop into the bakers to get Mum a Belgium bun
     
  20. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,628
    Female
    Good thinking to attribute any tablets to the knee - and also to get her name down on a second care home. I would have thought two would be enough, did you ask how long the waiting list was likely to be?

    Agree too re the Belgian bun/cake situation. My mother's CH has homemade cake every afternoon and the residents love it.
     

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